# Funny conversation I just had with my ex-girlfriend. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 20, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365 "2011-01-20T19:31:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/61 "2011-01-21T20:19:09Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > Two nights ago… > > My wife: “So…about dinner…” > > Me: \ “Fine, I’ll run to Taco Bell”. (Please keep in mind that we haven’t had Taco Bell in at least six months) > > My wife: “…” > > Me: “What?” > > My wife: “How the _fuck_ could you possibly have known that’s what I was craving??” > > Me: “I try and tell you all the time, and one of these days it’s possible that you’re going to get wise to the fact: I. Know. _Everything_ about you, usually well before you do. You can never, _ever_ keep a secret from me. Even now, those things you _think_ I don’t know about? I do… believe me, I know _all_ about them.” > Nothing like making the luckiest fricking guess in the world to put your spouse back on her heels. I do this yo my overly verbose husband all the time. He will start ‘saying’ something and I will interrupt him with my locial response before he actually says anything. So, approximately: Him: I was just thinking that… Me: I know, she really should tell him not to leave the car unlocked. Him: ??? But we have been together so long that 90% of the time, I am right (and the other 10% is worth it for him to get to the point, dammit!). ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/62 "2011-01-21T21:07:11Z")
It’s where it’s always been. Buried in Rosita Park under the big “W”. In a small lock box. The combination is 34L 18R 56 L You have to jiggle the handle at least twice because the tumblers are old. It’s in the blue envelope. Ignore the cash. I left that there for somebody else. Glad to help, Bubba ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/63 "2011-01-21T21:11:44Z")
According to the Lincoln Presidential Library in Springfield, Ill., Abraham Lincoln’s law office wasn’t all that well-organized. He actually had a stack of odds-and-ends papers tied together with a note stating, “When you’re looked everywhere else and not found it, look here.” > [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > … > > Mrs. Geek: Who’s that guy? > Me: What guy? > Mrs. Geek: The guy that was in that TV show. > Me: Which TV show? > > It took another dozen or so clues before I could figure out who she was talking about. George Clooney, right? I knew it! ---
**Author:** ![kath94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/67e7ee/32.png) [@kath94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kath94)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/64 "2011-01-21T22:59:12Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > My Dad is in his 70s and starts his conversations in the middle: > Dad: "so she was telling me that she asked her neighbor to come over and look at the washing machine, blah blah blah… > > _5 minutes later_ > > …and the hose was unhooked, but its fixed now and she can do her laundry again’. > > Me: “Who are we talking about?” > Its probably in the alternate universe where all the lost socks and mittens are. My mother does this. It’s like she’s having her own private little conversation in her head, and then decides to verbalize it somewhere in the middle. My husband has pointed out that I’m taking after her. But fortunately I realize that the conversation started in my head, so I’m able to quickly get him up to speed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/65 "2011-01-21T23:09:37Z")
I heard someone was looking for me? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/66 "2011-01-22T01:08:07Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I heard someone was looking for me? Where have you been? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2011, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/67 "2011-01-22T03:37:28Z")
There’s a big hayfield up near Buxton. You know where Buxton is? \*\*[URL=“[Morgan Freeman - IMDb](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000151/)”]\*\*It’s got a long rock wall with a big oak tree at the north end. It’s like something out of a Robert Frost poem. At the base of that wall, you’ll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. Piece of black, volcanic glass. Look underneath that rock. . . ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2011, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/68 "2011-01-22T09:13:41Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > You gave it to that guy. You know, tallish short guy, brownish blonde hair… I used to play tabletop RPGs with my brothers. Middlebro had to be told repeatedly that he had to pick body shape, gender, coloring and size for his characters: “you can’t be tall when you want to and short when you want to, it’s a Barbarian, not Mister Fantastic!” When one of us complains about his inability to follow some rule or other, the rest of the family answers “who are we talking about? We’re talking about the kid who hated laws so much he wanted to abolish the Law of Gravity, right? Well, he’s still the same!” ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/69 "2011-01-22T12:41:06Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I’ll give you the same helpful answer my douchbag BF gives me whenever I’m looking for some thing at my house: > > “It’s over there.” > > “Over _where_?” > > “Over there.” > > No there is no pointing, nodding, nor gesturing at all in any given direction to help me on my quest to find wherever “over there” is. > > It’s just his bullshit passive aggressive way to not have to A) help me look B) think about what I just asked him and actually take a second to consider and give me a thoughtful response. I find a funny (to me at least) way to deal with the “It’s over there!”-with-no-additional-explanation-loop is to adopt my best Don LaFontaine voice and narrate the question in the style of a movie trailer… _In A World… Where One Ordinary Man… Is Looking For [Item]… His Friend [Wife/Girlfriend/Colleague/Etc] will provide an unsatisfactory answer of dubious usefulness… Causing That Man to search for the True Meaning of the Answer He Seeks… And Prompting Him To Re-Ask The Question… In The Hopes Of Receiving A Specific Answer. Coming Immediately To A [Location] Near You… “Where, Exactly, And Next To What, Is [Item]?”_. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/70 "2011-01-23T00:11:16Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > My Dad is in his 70s and starts his conversations in the middle: > Dad: "so she was telling me that she asked her neighbor to come over and look at the washing machine, blah blah blah… > > _5 minutes later_ > > …and the hose was unhooked, but its fixed now and she can do her laundry again’. > > Me: “Who are we talking about?” Mrs P: “_Her!_. Haven’t you been listening?” ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/71 "2011-01-23T04:41:22Z")
Sure this is all just mildly annoying in casual conversation but what happens when the surgeon performing an intricate procedure on your brain is afflicted by the same aversion to nouns? S: Thingy. N: What? S: Thingy, the cuttie thing, you know. N: Scalpel perhaps? S: Yes! Isn’t that what I said? Hurry up! S: A bit of thing here nurse. N: What? S: Thingy, slurpy thing for this runny stuff coming out of that thing he thinks with, you know, hurry or he’ll thing. ---
**Author:** ![I-VI-ii-V](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c89c15/32.png) [@I-VI-ii-V](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I-VI-ii-V)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365/72 "2011-01-24T03:43:24Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > _ding-dong_ > Where did I put that thing I need? Sorry, I took it when you weren’t home. I loaned it to someone; they’ll give it back when they are done with it. Thanks! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-conversation-i-just-had-with-my-ex-girlfriend/568365.md?page=3)