# Funny List - Guys vs Gals.  Read and comment, please.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-list-guys-vs-gals-read-and-comment-please/252704>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [June 29, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-list-guys-vs-gals-read-and-comment-please/252704 "2004-06-29T15:17:25Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\
**Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-list-guys-vs-gals-read-and-comment-please/252704/1 "2004-06-29T15:17:25Z")

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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:  
40-ish…49  
Adventurous… Slept with everyone  
Athletic… No boobs  
Average looking… Ugly  
Beautiful… Pathological liar  
Contagious Smile… Does a lot of pills  
Emotionally Secure… On medication  
Feminist… Fat  
Free spirit… Junkie  
Friendship first… Former slut  
Fun… Annoying  
New-Age… Body hair in the wrong places  
Old-fashioned… No oral sex  
Open-minded… Desperate  
Outgoing… Loud and Embarrassing  
Passionate… Sloppy drunk  
Professional… Bitch  
Voluptuous… Very Fat  
Large frame… Hugely Fat  
Wants Soul mate… Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want…
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?  
MEN’S ENGLISH:
11. I am hungry = I am hungry
12. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
13. I am tired = I am tired
14. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
15. I love you = Let’s have sex now
16. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
17. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
18. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
19. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
20. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
21. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

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**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\
**Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-list-guys-vs-gals-read-and-comment-please/252704/2 "2004-06-29T15:37:20Z")

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Despite being glurge, I found it somewhat amusing.