# Funny punch lines only please **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323 "2000-03-03T02:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/1 "2000-03-03T02:52:00Z")
What’s some funny punch lines? Give us one of yours. Maybe we’ll remember the joke that goes with it. Here’s my favorite. Smell it hell!!! I 'm sittin in it!!! * * * Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![Breckinshire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71c47a/32.png) [@Breckinshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breckinshire)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/2 "2000-03-03T02:54:00Z")
Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! * * * _A hush fell over the courtroom, killing six._ ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/3 "2000-03-03T02:54:00Z")
PS it’s a great way to pad your post too. * * * Yours truly, aha ---
**Author:** ![Breckinshire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71c47a/32.png) [@Breckinshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breckinshire)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/4 "2000-03-03T02:55:00Z")
Oh, is it really a great way to pad your post? ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/5 "2000-03-03T03:13:00Z")
So, the bartender said ‘What is this, some kind of joke?’ Or _the_ jokeless punchline: $50, same as in town. * * * _Eschew Obfuscation_ ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/6 "2000-03-03T03:32:00Z")
“So she said, ‘Not with that seabass you don’t, mister!’” or “I got a duck for a fuck, a fuck for a duck, and twenty bucks for a fucked up duck.” ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/7 "2000-03-03T03:53:00Z")
“Blue booties.” and “Beige. I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.” ---
**Author:** ![GrammarNinja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@GrammarNinja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrammarNinja)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/8 "2000-03-03T03:56:00Z")
So the bear says to the guy, “You don’t come here to hunt, do you?” * * * “Now you pissed me off. You and I? We’re NEVER gonna be friends.” ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/9 "2000-03-03T04:03:00Z")
And the dog says “I’m lookin’ fer the man who done shot my Paw…”. ---
**Author:** ![Imthecowgodmoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Imthecowgodmoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imthecowgodmoo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/10 "2000-03-03T04:05:00Z")
A: A mega-sore-ass!! * * * “People must think it must be fun to be a super genuis, But they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” – Calvin and Hobbes (\_\_) _/_ ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/11 "2000-03-03T04:09:00Z")
Because “mad cow disease” was taken. * * * TT “It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.” –James Thurber ---
**Author:** ![Kakkerlak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bb73d2/32.png) [@Kakkerlak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kakkerlak)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/12 "2000-03-03T04:19:00Z")
“Well, we’re not gonna SPANK him.” ---
**Author:** ![NickyLarson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b2d939/32.png) [@NickyLarson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NickyLarson)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/13 "2000-03-03T04:37:00Z")
So I bit him! * * * “If I pinch my nose with my fingers, close my mouth tight, and blow real hard, I can make my ears bleed. It’s not as cool as Superman’s X-ray vision, but it’s my own special talent.” ---
**Author:** ![NickyLarson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b2d939/32.png) [@NickyLarson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NickyLarson)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/14 "2000-03-03T04:38:00Z")
And the polar bear said to the bartender,“With prices like these, you’re not going to see many more!” ---
**Author:** ![Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/97f17d/32.png) [@Nu\_Vo\_Da\_Da](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nu_Vo_Da_Da)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/15 "2000-03-03T04:44:00Z")
And thats the bastard who ran over my Frog! A: Because she’s a woman ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/16 "2000-03-03T04:50:00Z")
He breaks his nose. 😃 * * * “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank ---
**Author:** ![Qwisp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qwisp/32/397_2.png) [@Qwisp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwisp)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/17 "2000-03-03T05:00:00Z")
Do you rally think I wanted a twelve inch pianist? * * * I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/18 "2000-03-03T05:16:00Z")
And the FBI dragged a brutally beaten bear out of the woods who immediately confessed, “Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit!” ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/19 "2000-03-03T05:45:00Z")
“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan.” – Sylence * * * If a bird doesn’t sing, I’ll wait until it sings. - Tokugawa Ieyasu ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/20 "2000-03-03T05:49:00Z")
Panda: (n.) A large Asian mammal that eats shoots and leaves. * * * An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323.md?page=2)