# Funny punch lines only please **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323 "2000-03-03T02:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/41 "2000-03-03T16:42:00Z")
Said with a Scottish accent:“Ach, if ya look again it grew some more.” “I dunnae knae where ya been laddie, but yae won first prize!” * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/42 "2000-03-03T17:06:00Z")
No, it says “Welcome to Jamaica, Mon, and have a nice day!” “Voodoo vibrator, my ass!” ---
**Author:** ![beefymeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@beefymeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beefymeg)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/43 "2000-03-03T17:12:00Z")
“Boyfoot bear with teaks of Chan” “I don’t know, but his face rings a bell” followed by “I don’t know, but he’s a dead ringer for his brother!” “Why not? I’m a fun-gi” “Poh-taaaaaa-tohhh!” * * * Sucks to your assmar. ---
**Author:** ![mr\_john](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@mr\_john](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr_john)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/44 "2000-03-03T17:25:00Z")
Bring me a watermelon and a jar of mayonaise. * * * “Pardon me while I have a strange interlude.”-Marx ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/45 "2000-03-03T17:27:00Z")
That’s not a joke, it’s foreplay. * * * [Change Your Password, Please](http://204.95.48.199/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getannounce&ForumNumber=3&Start=2451545.99&End=2451911&Session=2451598.1854) and don’t use HTML, as it has been disabled ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/46 "2000-03-03T17:32:00Z")
**You’re** Thor??? I can hardly thit down!! ---
**Author:** ![Frankie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Frankie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frankie)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/47 "2000-03-03T17:41:00Z")
Elephino (Hell if I know!) * * * -Frankie I’m a wholesale dealin papa, but I retail on the side.-Brownie McGhee ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/48 "2000-03-03T17:42:00Z")
“Is it…moosecock?” “But you fuck just _one_ goat…” “Lickalotapuss” ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/49 "2000-03-03T17:57:00Z")
One is a group of cunning runts… “It’s going to be a long night. The McMurphy brothers are drunk again.” “No, it’s not you, it’s the guy next to you dipping his chips in your neck.” “Keep the tip.” “You’re scared? I’m the one who has to walk back alone.” Getting the blood out of the clown suit. ---
**Author:** ![drollman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f04885/32.png) [@drollman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drollman)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/50 "2000-03-04T06:09:00Z")
“You ain’t so tough, Batman!” “You ain’t gonna like Sundays then, either.” “His father’s dick tastes funny.” (Grossest joke I ever heard) “Yesterday we were recruiting. Today, you’re staff.” “Where are YOU gonna get a lawyer?” * * * My fate keeps getting in the way of my destiny. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/51 "2000-03-04T06:09:00Z")
All of the good ones are taken already. Ah, here goes: Orange you glad I didn’t say banana again? She decided to wash up on shore. * * * …but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans! ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/52 "2000-03-04T06:19:00Z")
You sneak up behind him and kick him in the icehole. … and that’s the story of how the angel got on the tree. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/53 "2000-03-04T06:32:00Z")
Okay: Sure! Just don’t slap me as hard as you did the monkey! I’m a frayed knot! How do you think I knocked on the door? No, but the guy before you was! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Merbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Merbie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merbie)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/54 "2000-03-04T06:46:00Z")
Nothing much, just sitting around watching p\*rnos and eating cheetos. ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/55 "2000-03-04T06:48:00Z")
“Yeah, but this one’s eating my popcorn!” One shoots and shoots and never hits. One shucks between fits. On clucks defiance. ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/56 "2000-03-04T06:49:00Z")
D’OH! ONE! ONE clucks! ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/57 "2000-03-04T06:50:00Z")
…those aren’t bouys!!! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/58 "2000-03-04T06:50:00Z")
Tax? I thought you just rolled them on! ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/59 "2000-03-04T06:54:00Z")
You stupid drunk! You’re sitting on a mop bucket! ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/60 "2000-03-04T06:55:00Z")
But my husband made his own lunch. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323.md?page=4)