# Funny punch lines only please **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323 "2000-03-03T02:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/61 "2000-03-03T19:01:00Z")
Hey, Thats nacho cheese! ---
**Author:** ![Breckinshire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71c47a/32.png) [@Breckinshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breckinshire)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/62 "2000-03-03T19:04:00Z")
When it’s tooth hurty… No sir, I don’t want one, and I don’t think you need another one. * * * _A hush fell over the courtroom, killing six._ ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/63 "2000-03-03T19:04:00Z")
“Dan Rather? But he’s just a _common_tater.” “Keep the tip.” “42.” ---
**Author:** ![meek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@meek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meek)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/64 "2000-03-03T19:05:00Z")
…they’re both fun to ride until someone sees you. …one says, “Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!” and the other says, “Hey! McLeod! get off of my ewe!” …a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/65 "2000-03-03T19:11:00Z")
“Hey, Monica! Your replacement’s here!” * * * “Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want!” -Dr. Nick Riviera ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/66 "2000-03-03T19:28:00Z")
“And the parrot kept yelling, for $300 I want you NAKED!” “One has hope in her soul. . .” “So he answers the phone a third time and a voice says ‘Hi, this is Tom. Any calls for me?’” And my favorite clean joke of all time. . . “Tankety tankety tank.” * * * I understand all the words, they just don’t make sense together like that. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/67 "2000-03-03T19:35:00Z")
Some more: ‘Y’know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.’ ‘The bull won.’ ‘I just move them out of the way, and look at that clock.’ ‘You think I wished for a 12 inch _pianist_?’ * * * _Eschew Obfuscation_ ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/68 "2000-03-03T19:46:00Z")
Ooops, that’s what I get for only skimming the thread…(12 Inch Pianist is _popular_…) As penance, yet more: “Got any grapes?” “You know, they’re right, we _do_ taste like Chicken.” ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/69 "2000-03-03T20:01:00Z")
“You know what I want - take it off and throw it up here!” “Thursday’s your turn in the barrel.” “It doesn’t say ‘Swan’ - it says ‘Saskatoon Saskatchewan.’” * * * There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not a man. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/70 "2000-03-03T22:23:00Z")
Bar jokes: 1. “I was TALKING to the DUCK!” 2. “Really? You got a drink called Charlie?” Baseball joke: 1. “Are you kidding? My father can’t even hit .250.” Baseball and bar joke: 1. “Maybe I shoulda said ‘DiMaggio’?” Golf jokes: 1. “Yes, we would have been married 34 years next month.” 2. “For the rest of the round it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie.” * * * The Dave-Guy “Since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/71 "2000-03-03T23:53:00Z")
Moo. ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Roberts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Roberts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Roberts)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/72 "2000-03-04T00:35:00Z")
1. Blue. One blew this way. One blew that way 2. No, I said Bud Light! 3. Need Another Seven Astronauts ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/73 "2000-03-04T01:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Johnny Angel: > **And the FBI dragged a brutally beaten bear out of the woods who immediately confessed, "Okay, okay, I’m a rabbit!"** In the version I heard, it was actually the Chicago Police who beat up the bear. ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/74 "2000-03-04T01:21:00Z")
I’m f\*ckin’ FREEZING!!! ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/75 "2000-03-04T01:49:00Z")
To keep his pants up. He’s a Haifa-lootin’, Newton-shootin’, son of a nun from Arizona. Because it is nevar put with the wrong end in fromt. Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes? * * * But where were the Spiders? ---
**Author:** ![justwannano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@justwannano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justwannano)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/76 "2000-03-04T02:59:00Z")
Danmit Rudolf I said the Smit House ---
**Author:** ![justwannano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@justwannano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justwannano)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/77 "2000-03-04T03:34:00Z")
Who left all the slick pages ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/78 "2000-03-04T04:17:00Z")
“So would I, sir, but I don’t think there’s room in my ass for another baked potato!” ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/79 "2000-03-04T04:49:00Z")
[ul][li]And to get him to cry, I showed him.[/li][li]They couldn’t get 7-UP[/li][li]What do you mean “wrong hole”?[/li][li]Naw, you get mean when you drink.[/li][li]Tea time![/li][/ul] * * * Wrong thinking is punished, right thinking is just as swiftly rewarded. You’ll find it an effective combination. ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/80 "2000-03-04T04:54:00Z")
\ ***orangecakes:** Hey, Thats nacho cheese! \* [small]I always heard it as:[/small] Hey, boy! Those not yo chips! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323.md?page=5)