# Funny punch lines only please **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323 "2000-03-03T02:52:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/81 "2000-03-04T05:44:00Z")
Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Twids. Four skin divers. I couldn’t concentrate. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/82 "2000-03-04T05:48:00Z")
Invisible man: “Damn, my ass is killing me.” ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/83 "2000-03-04T14:42:00Z")
“Go halfway with me on this - buy a ticket.” “Because someone just stole my watch.” ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/84 "2000-03-04T14:57:00Z")
Fee fie foe fum, look out parakeet here I come. But lady, you don’t understand. If you stroke it a few times it becomes a suitcase. * * * " The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference." Elie Wiesel Winner SDMB Biggest Flirt (Female) and Least Shy (No Mom, I have no idea why they think that) ---
**Author:** ![PurpleCrackwhore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc348/32.png) [@PurpleCrackwhore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PurpleCrackwhore)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/85 "2000-03-04T17:52:00Z")
then the old woman replied to the vice cop… “I may be old and toothless, but I can still suck them and squeeze all the juice out.” * * * I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature! ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/86 "2000-03-04T20:13:00Z")
Turn her over, Daddy! I’d rather have puppies! The charge was _transporting gulls across stately lions for immortal porpoises._ It looks like a penis, only smaller. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/87 "2000-03-04T21:04:00Z")
Okay, this one’s really, really bad: Pedophile? That’s an awfully big word for a ten year old. That’s the first time I ever saw carp to carp walleting! Oh no! I left my harp im Sam Frog’s disco. * * * It’s not how you pick your nose, it’s where you put the boogers ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/88 "2000-03-04T22:39:00Z")
“Well, a pig that brave…you can’t eat 'im all at once!” * * * We struck down evil with the mighty sword of “teamwork” and the hammer of “not bickering.” ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/89 "2000-03-04T22:49:00Z")
“So the chicken lights up a cigarette and says, ‘I guess we settled that question!’” * * * Gamera is really neat, he is full of turtle meat, we’ve been eating Gam-er-aaaa… ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/90 "2000-03-04T23:41:00Z")
“No, they’re all in the truck, and one of them is blowin’ the horn.” “Oh, good, did he leave that $200 he owed me?” “What phoney dog poo?” ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323/91 "2000-03-04T23:51:00Z")
“I didn’t say she was crazy - I said she was fuckin’ Goofy.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-punch-lines-only-please/14323.md?page=4)