# Funny quotes from flight attendents **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 13, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014 "2003-08-13T21:49:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ms\_Macphisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Ms\_Macphisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Macphisto)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/21 "2003-08-14T08:18:08Z")
Another good one from Westjet. The plane was heading towards the terminal after landing, and of course people started undoing their seatbelts. The flight attendant made a (paraphrased) announcement “Ladies and gentlemen, our planes are equipped with new sensors that tell us that three people have unfastened their seatbelts. These individuals will not be permitted to leave the plane unless they refasten their seatbelts until we arrive at the terminal.” You could then hear at least half a dozen clicks as people did their seatbelts back up. **RobotArm** , there’s a bus driver like that in Vancouver too. He doesn’t do the emergency exit spiel, but he likes to announce upcoming stops along the lines of “We are now making our final descent towards Alma Street. The time is 7:32 pm and the weather is currently overcast.” ---
**Author:** ![Elle\_Toupee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Elle\_Toupee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elle_Toupee)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/22 "2003-08-14T13:52:19Z")
You’ve gotta love WestJet. I was flying to Vancouver via Toronto, when we encountered a spot of technical difficulty that resulted in a three-and-a-half hour delay. They gave us all free booze (if we we so inclined, of course. “You’ll drink this whiskey OR ELSE!” No.) when we finally did get on the flight. The bit I found most amusing was watching the entire flight crew troop into the smoking room at the nearset bar, huff a quick butt, and head back out, looking like it was nothing more than routine… ---
**Author:** ![Elle\_Toupee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Elle\_Toupee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elle_Toupee)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/23 "2003-08-14T13:59:15Z")
You’ve gotta love WestJet. I was flying to Vancouver via Toronto, when we encountered a spot of technical difficulty that resulted in a three-and-a-half hour delay. They gave us all free booze (if we we so inclined, of course. “You’ll drink this whiskey OR ELSE!” No.) when we finally did get on the flight. The bit I found most amusing was watching the entire flight crew troop into the smoking room at the nearset bar, huff a quick butt, and head back out, looking like it was nothing more than routine… ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/24 "2003-08-14T14:54:36Z")
OK, I’ll stick up for **voguevixen.** Yeah, SOME of the jokes are funny if you’re reading about them on the Internet of your own free will. But a planeload of passengers is a captive audience. What if I am on my way to a funeral? What if I’m on my way to an important business meeting and need to get a little work done, or maybe hope to grab a little nap? What if I just don’t give a shit about the Super Bowl? It’s one thing to use one’s sense of humor to deal with life, job, etc. It’s another thing to force humor on other people when they may not be receptive to it. Occasional ittle jokes during the safety lecture, fine, maybe, but still unprofessional if carried too far. Passing toilet paper around the cabin and leading football cheers, definitely not so fine and definitely juvenile and unprofessional. ---
**Author:** ![whatami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85f322/32.png) [@whatami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatami)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/25 "2003-08-14T16:22:10Z")
I was on an Alaska flight from San Diego to Portland. Right after landing, when the reverse thrusters came on the pilot picked up the PA and, like he was reigning in a horse , “WHOOAAAA”. Easily one of the funniest moments ever while on a plane. I was on a flight to St. Louis, and we were landing during a pretty heavy storm. The plane seemed to be crabbing over and when we landed, we actually bounced and then hit the ground again. While the plane was taxiing the pilot came on the air and (I paraphrase here) Our landing time today was 12:21 _and_ 12:22. I thought that was pretty good ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/26 "2003-08-14T16:46:21Z")
“We know you have your choice of bankrupt airlines, and we’d like to thank you for flying with us today.” ---
**Author:** ![Nimbokwezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bcef8e/32.png) [@Nimbokwezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nimbokwezer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/27 "2003-08-14T17:00:24Z")
here’s a great one: “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHBLAHBLAH BLAHBLAH BLAH”, for 4 and a half straight hours to the hippie sitting across the aisle from me during a night flight from Hawai’i to LA, all while occasionally bumping into me. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/28 "2003-08-14T17:22:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scarlett67 \* > \*\*Passing toilet paper around the cabin and leading football cheers, definitely not so fine and definitely juvenile and unprofessional. \*\* And here we have the beauty of the free enterprise system. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/29 "2003-08-14T17:26:55Z")
I seem to remember a number of different instances on Northwest where the flight attendant’s opening message was “Good afternoon and welcome to Northwest flight 123 to Cleveland. If Cleveland is not on your itenerary for today, now would be a good time to deplane.” I don’t know if they stole it from Douglas Adams or he from them, but it was funny. I haven’t heard it in several years now. Rather different than the rest of this thread, but once my dad was flying on business when he was handed a scrap of paper by the flight attendant which said “Are you married? If not, would you like to be?” He was married, so he had to decline. (But he saved the note.) –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/30 "2003-08-14T17:50:26Z")
Last time I flew Southwest, we had a VERY hard landing into Omaha. WHAM! The attendant came on the intercom and said in that distinctive intercom-y way: “On behalf of the crew and Southwest Airlines, we would like to remind you that any landing you walk away from is a good one.” ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/31 "2003-08-14T18:40:36Z")
I believe it was on USAir… “I want to let everyone know about a very special event.W e have someone on board who is making his very first flight today. So, on the way out of the plane, please stop by and congratulate our pilot.” ---
**Author:** ![Anita\_Vacation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Anita\_Vacation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anita_Vacation)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/32 "2003-08-14T20:58:06Z")
I’ve heard many attempts at humor, but mostly I like the humor which serves to make a point: “Welcome to Dulles International Airport, at this time I would like to mention that no passenger has ever beaten the plane to the gate so please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the captain turns the seat belt light off.” ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/33 "2003-08-14T21:45:01Z")
On Southwest: “In case of cabin depressurization, the yellow oxygen masks will drop down from the compartments above you. Tug firmly on the mask, place the rubber band around the back of your head, and deposit 25 cents for the first three minutes…” Lighten up! Good humor helps everyone. ---
**Author:** ![ForgottenLore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@ForgottenLore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForgottenLore)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/34 "2003-08-14T21:45:12Z")
The only one I can think of was not intended as humor. I was boarding a flight at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport a few years back in the winter. I’d guess the temperature outside was probably in the teens or twenties. I had been sitting indoors with my coat on but unzipped and I was feeling a little too warm, so when I walked down the jetway I left it open to cool off. The flight attendant helping us board must have been from a warm climate. She had a scarf wrapped around her face covering her mouth and nose and was hunched down with her arms folded, shivering. She caught sight of me, apparently not affected by the cold and with my coat unzipped. She threw me a nasty look and pulled her scarf down just long enough to say “I don’t know how you people stand it.” ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/35 "2003-08-14T22:08:58Z")
It was about 6 years ago, a red eye flight from LA to Newark. About the last person on is a blonde lady, power business suit. She is walking backwards down the asile because she has a luggage cart with four open topped file boxes plus a briefcase which she is trying to balance. She has the exit row to herself. She proceeds to pack the boxes in front of the exit door. The flight attendent comes by and tells her, no way Jose, either all the boxes go into the overhead or they don’t go in the cabin. The **BLIQ** (blonde lady in question) proceeds to piss over almost everyone in the cabin by moving all the stuff in the overheads so her boxes would fit. After we take off, the **BLIQ** pulls all her boxes out and starts working. As we get ready for decent the **BLIQ** straps her boxes into the unused seats around the exit with the seat belts. The same flight attendent comes by and utters (very loudly) a phrase that cracked up everyone in the cabin > [@](#): > > \*\*Did you star in the movie Clueless? I already told you those had to go in the overhead \*\* While waiting for the bus to the rental car facility I saw the flight attendent and told her she was my hero. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/36 "2003-08-14T22:42:14Z")
Count me in with voguevixen and Scarlett. Jokes told in the course of normal airline business (safety announcements, etc.) are lame but okay. The rest of the flight, shut up and let me read my book. I’m a grownup capable of entertaining myself. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/37 "2003-08-14T23:07:52Z")
The toilet paper/football… forget it. But the quips are great. ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/38 "2003-08-14T23:35:01Z")
I love the quips. Airlines are by no means my favorite way to travel (panic attacks 'r me) and funny helps. From the late, lamented Pan Am, upon landing: “Thank you for flying Pan Am. We’d like to welcome you to Honolulu. But we can’t. This is Los Angeles.” ---
**Author:** ![aphrodisiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aphrodisiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aphrodisiac)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/39 "2003-08-14T23:57:24Z")
Some of you guys need to buy a dildo, have a drink and relax. Some people like to have a good time. Beats walking around with a stick up your ass. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014/40 "2003-08-15T02:41:48Z")
For **aphrodisiac** (to the tune of “Streets of Laredo”) I see by your post count that you are a newbie. I welcome you here, and I hold out my hand. Come post here beside us, but please post more nicely, For if you don’t you will surely be banned. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-quotes-from-flight-attendents/195014.md?page=3)