# Funny Real Life Names **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773 "2007-03-13T18:20:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Yeeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/96bed5/32.png) [@Yeeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeeter)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/141 "2007-03-20T19:08:38Z")
I went to high school with a girl named April May. The girl behind me during the ACT test was named, Anna Quaintance (I never knew her). My shop teacher was named Flint Wild – just sounds funny to me. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/142 "2007-03-21T00:27:20Z")
[QUOTE=Yeeter] I went to high school with a girl named April May. [/QUOTE] Did you go to school in South Texas? 'Cause I went to school with a girl by the same name–and her middle name was some variant of June! ---
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/143 "2007-03-21T00:49:34Z")
The other day I had to write an obituary for someone named Richard Ball. [http://www.nevadaappeal.com/article/20070314/OBITUARIES/103140074/-1/ARCHIVES06](http://www.nevadaappeal.com/article/20070314/OBITUARIES/103140074/-1/ARCHIVES06) Get it? Dick Balls? ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/144 "2007-03-21T07:49:12Z")
> [@BarnOwl](#): > > I saw that story dramatized on TV a long time ago. It was extremely touching, but had nothing to do with the John Farquahar Muckenfuss I told you about. Sorry that you think I made it up. The whole post was God’s truth. You misread me. I was wondering if the kid’s parents had Bierce in mind when they were coming up with a name, that’s all. ---
**Author:** ![BarnOwl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@BarnOwl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnOwl)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/145 "2007-03-21T12:02:26Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] You misread me. I was wondering if the kid’s parents had Bierce in mind when they were coming up with a name, that’s all. [/QUOTE] My mistake, **fetus**. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/146 "2007-03-21T12:58:22Z")
[QUOTE=fachverwirrt] My college class had a woman named Candy Hooker. [/QUOTE] _LJ HOOKER_ is a large chain of real estate agents in Australia. US tourists have been known to whisper, “Hey Martha, these Aussies sure are professional!” when their tourist coach passes by a ritzy downtown office tower with HOOKER HOUSE emblazoned on the top (or so local comedy acts would have you believe). There’s also a local politician named Denver Beanland. That’s not even laden with double meaning - it’s just nicely goofy. But the best of them… alas, as a postal worker I see thousands, but I’m bound by oath not to reveal anything I see in transit. So tempting though. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2021, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/148 "2021-06-08T15:16:17Z")
Oops. Accidentally deleted it. Sorry to bump an old thread, but since it exists I didn’t want to start a new one. On the morning news there are correspondents whose surnames are **Kilbreath** (‘Kill Breath’) and **Kakade** (‘Cock A Day’). When I was a kid there was a correspondent named Richard **Threlkeld**. I always thought his name sounded like ‘Thrill Kill’. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2021, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/149 "2021-06-09T11:42:43Z")
Recently retired, [David Bird](https://www.mcgill.ca/nrs/academic-0/retirees) was Director of the Avian Science and Conservation Centre, at McGill University’s MacDonald College in Montreal. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2022, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/150 "2022-07-21T02:31:59Z")
[Mohamed **Megahed**](https://cegu.ff.cuni.cz/en/institute/staff/megahed/). Mega-Head. Sounds like he should know [Taserface](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taserface). ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2022, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/151 "2022-07-21T15:16:32Z")
> [@Jelymag](#): > > I babysat a little boy whose last name was Peed. He got picked on a lot. Any time the teacher said “Billy Peed” all the boys would say “Ewwww!” Poor kid. Well, since this got resurrected, I’ll post what I’ve been thinking about ever since I “met” Bill Peed here… Why are people so reticent to change their last name? This boy’s parents gave him the name Peed as sure as they named him Willy :~) Heck, his great-grandparents could’ve changed it (hmmm… maybe an ancestor pissed off the clerk at Ellis Island…). Okay, there _could_ be some proud Peed family dynasty we don’t know about _(ooh, dating from Sir Reginald Peed, urologist to King Henry IV of Bolingbroke),_ and little William is the last chance for a Peed heir… but I doubt it. I wanted to change my last (hard to spell) name to my wife’s easy one when we got married, but no one would even take me seriously. So I went along with the patriarchal tradition, and have to spell my name three times for everyone, for the rest of my life… ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2022, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/152 "2022-07-21T15:25:36Z")
I have a coworker named Kendall Dolly. > [@Can we play another round of "What the hell were Mom and Dad thinking when they named the kid?"](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-we-play-another-round-of-what-the-hell-were-mom-and-dad-thinking-when-they-named-the-kid/682572/207): > > “Ken Doll Dolly” - sounds like a handsome white boy trying to be a rapper. ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2022, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/153 "2022-07-21T22:52:48Z")
Gotta say, I’m surprised to find a thread like this where someone didn’t try to claim the Lemonjello and Orangejello twins urban legend. I thought it popped up in all these name threads. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/154 "2022-07-22T00:47:45Z")
Growing up, there was an older man in our town named “Kilbourn Clapsaddle”. We had alot of fun with that, including distracting our mom with “There! At the window! Kilbourn Clapsaddle!” But Google doesn’t have anything, even an obituary. . “Where have you gone, Kilbourn Clapsaddle…?” ---
**Author:** ![cincinnatus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cincinnatus/32/7990_2.png) [@cincinnatus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cincinnatus)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/155 "2022-07-22T01:28:01Z")
Why do you suppose Mr. and Mrs. Hardner named their son Peter? It turns out Peter and his son had a business that at one time specialized in putting up steel beams for buildings. (See where this is going?) The big painted business sign high on their building on a major street proudly proclaimed Peter Hardner & Son Erections. I have since noticed the erection has been removed from the name. I don’t know when that change was made. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/156 "2022-07-22T16:37:24Z")
‘Erectors’ would probably have been a better choice. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2022, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/157 "2022-07-22T21:00:17Z")
[April May LeJeune](http://justbreathe-april.blogspot.com/2011/11/message-from-aprils-family_09.html) ---
**Author:** ![pgcotype](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pgcotype/32/8743_2.png) [@pgcotype](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pgcotype)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/158 "2022-07-29T20:25:18Z")
One of the rioters at the Capitol is named Albuquerque Head. ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2022, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/159 "2022-07-29T20:35:59Z")
In my Boy Scouting days one of the other boy’s dads had the unfortunate name Jack Kaufman (Sounds like “jack off man”). ---
**Author:** ![Plutonium\_Chef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/plutonium_chef/32/11211_2.png) [@Plutonium\_Chef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plutonium_Chef)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/160 "2022-07-30T03:38:10Z")
In the 1980s, I met a man named Clint Turnipseed. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2022, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773/161 "2022-07-30T03:49:23Z")
Any relation to Donald? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-real-life-names/395773.md?page=9)