# Funny/strange/notable church billboards **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 11, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512 "2005-11-11T01:47:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/1 "2005-11-11T01:47:13Z")
I don’t think “billboard” is the actual term for what I mean, but I just mean the lit sign in front of almost every church, where they put the plastic letters and make some sort of message. The one right by me had a few ones that made me semi-chuckle, and I saw two notable ones on the way home tonight. “Now taking eternal reservations, smoking or non” “Try Jesus. If you don’t like him, the devil will take you back” [in the summer]“Want to avoid burning? Use son block” I find it a bit disturbing though - these people are trying to be a clever, but they’re taking ETERNAL TORTURE, THE WORST THING CONCEIVABLY POSSIBLE, and making a joke out of it. Anyway, post anything on your mind. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/2 "2005-11-11T02:07:36Z")
Recently seen outside a church in rural Missouri: **Hurting People Welcome Here** And my all-time favorite, seen outside a large Memphis church shortly after 9/11: **Join us Friday in prayer for “all” people** It haa a wink-wink to it, like “well, maybe not those damned terrorists, and maybe not that snotty Mrs. Johnson down the street.” ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/3 "2005-11-11T02:25:48Z")
Moved from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/4 "2005-11-11T02:31:38Z")
Not a billboard but a greeting card: ‘Quick, look busy, here comes Jesus!’ ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/5 "2005-11-11T03:19:52Z")
> [@MelCthefirst](#): > > Not a billboard but a greeting card: ‘Quick, look busy, here comes Jesus!’ I have seen this one on a Church’s ‘billboard’ sign in rural West Virginia, except the phrasing was: “JESUS IS COMING LOOK BUSY.” Other church billboard signs I have witnessed in WV (the state with most churches per capita): “IF YOU WAS CLOSE TO GOD BUT NOW YOU ARE NOT WHO MOVED?” “THIS IS NOT DAIRY QUEEN BUT WE HAVE NICE SUNDAYS” “GOT MORE SNAKES? BRING EM” I have photos of these, but they are not on my computer at the moment. AC I’ve also seen some comical church names: the first that comes to mind is the Beaverlick Baptist Church in northern Kentucky. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/6 "2005-11-11T03:25:01Z")
“Jesus is the only fire insurance” With a picture of Fireman Jesus holding a lamb, too (this was not a church sign but a roadside sign). It made me cringe a little. ---
**Author:** ![Trillionaire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Trillionaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trillionaire)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/7 "2005-11-11T05:06:57Z")
Ch\_\_ch What’s Missing? Ur ---
**Author:** ![Foaming\_Cleanser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Foaming\_Cleanser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foaming_Cleanser)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/8 "2005-11-11T05:17:49Z")
> [@ArchitectChore](#): > > “IF YOU WAS CLOSE TO GOD BUT NOW YOU ARE NOT WHO MOVED?” The second-grade English teacher. ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/9 "2005-11-11T06:30:56Z")
The second graders are learning proper noun-verb agreement… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/10 "2005-11-11T14:03:35Z")
I saw one recently that mentioned “the finger” and the direction it was pointing. Can’t remember the whole thing though. One of those “times have changed” moments. You couldn’t even say “the finger” on TV a few years ago and now it’s on church signs. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/11 "2005-11-11T14:13:01Z")
**DUSTY BIBLES LEAD TO DIRTY LIVES** What does that mean anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/12 "2005-11-11T14:18:25Z")
This one I never did completely understand. I think i get the idea, but it doesnt’ make sense to me. “You are the most wonderful person in the world. Alright, so I’m biased. -God” The reverse side was better. “Let’s meet at my house on Sunday. -God” ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/13 "2005-11-11T15:43:18Z")
Long ago, Dad and I were driving to the dump one Saturday morning. As we drove past the local Lutheran church, a kinda sad cinder-block building, I looked up at its readerboard and read it out loud, without thinking much: **JILL YOU ASS HOLE** …apparently gremlins had been at work Friday night… ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/14 "2005-11-11T16:02:00Z")
I’m not Christian, but I love some of the white letters on black billboards I’ve seen. My favorite: ``` What part of "thou shall not" didn't you understand? - God ``` ---
**Author:** ![TJVM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TJVM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJVM)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/15 "2005-11-11T16:05:05Z")
There used to be a church in Austin that had a sign which listed its service times, and then beneath it said, “Loadin’ up heaven and unloadin’ hell.” ---
**Author:** ![Zog\_10](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c57346/32.png) [@Zog\_10](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zog_10)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/16 "2005-11-11T17:49:54Z")
> [@ArchitectChore](#): > > I’ve also seen some comical church names: the first that comes to mind is the Beaverlick Baptist Church in northern Kentucky. My friends and I were driving once and were passed by a church van. The name of the church was “People get ready, Jesus is coming Church”. With a nice paint job, verses underneath, the whole shebang. This led to us dicussing future churches in the same vein: “Didn’t you hear me the first time, Jesus is coming Church” “For the last time, I’m tellin’ you Jesus is coming Church” and finally: “It’s too late now, Jesus is here Church” ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/17 "2005-11-11T17:57:53Z")
The majority of our congregation at [St. Timothy’s Anglican Church](http://www.sttimothy.ca/) roots for the Leafs. Therefore, one year, we had a billboard up that read: "God may not take sides… But we do! Go Leafs Go!" 😃 Alas, some Philistines from the unwashed masses stole it and it was never recovered. Woe. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/18 "2005-11-11T18:26:51Z")
I often get a chuckle out of church billboards. A couple I’ve seen: “To bring rain, lose your umbrella.” “Pastor Jones Discusses Hell - Choir Practice at 7:30” ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/19 "2005-11-11T18:34:00Z")
One from a church program: ``` Ladies Bible Study will meet Tuesday at 10am. Lunch will be served after the B.S. is over. ``` ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512/20 "2005-11-11T18:42:41Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > I’m not Christian, but I love some of the white letters on black billboards I’ve seen. My favorite: > > ``` > What part of "thou shall not" didn't you understand? - God > > ``` Church near us has a one-way circular driveway. On the exit end of the drive it says “Thou Shalt Not Enter” in fancy script. Always liked that one. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-strange-notable-church-billboards/330512.md?page=2)