# Funny things our parents told us **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 26, 2012, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906 "2012-10-26T05:34:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/21 "2012-10-26T20:33:51Z")
“Well- it’s a hole in the ground with water in it.” ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/22 "2012-10-26T21:23:03Z")
My grandfather had a few of these, but the only one I can remember right now: Did you know you can’t hang a man with a wooden leg? You have to use a rope. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/23 "2012-10-26T21:42:13Z")
My Grandfather used to recite in a voice low with doom - The train is coming, ka-chunk-a-lunk. A mile a minute, it has to make. A big black snake with flaming eyes That wiggle and waggles along the ties. xxxxx(forgot this part)xxxxx Sparks are falling, a fiery rain. The tunnel is waiting to swallow the train. Goodbye, goodbye, tomorrow to come again. ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/24 "2012-10-26T22:20:41Z")
Dating advice: Don’t drink, smoke or chew Or go with girls that do. Geography: Momma: Look at that hill over there, isn’t it pretty? Daddy: Yup, it’s a butte. Poetry: Fleas Adam had’m. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/25 "2012-10-26T23:48:10Z")
> [@phxjcc](#): > > Dating advice: > Don’t drink, smoke or chew > Or go with girls that do. Reminds me of another one. It wasn’t my parent who said it, but Mom told me about it. One of the neighborhood kids (Rick) was about to go on his first date. He was 15 or 16, and his mother suggested to her husband that some fatherly advice might be in order. Later, she told my mom what happened. Rick’s father, a no-nonsense, huntin’ and fishin’ and drinkin’ kind of a guy, took Rick aside and imparted these words of wisdom: _“Don’t let your pecker be your guide.”_ That was it. Those seven words were all he had to say. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/26 "2012-10-27T05:23:41Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > From my childhood in the 1950’s: > To the tune of “Reville.” My mother did the last line as “Don’t you know that it hurts” That’s not to the tune of “Reville,” it’s to the tune of the bugle “Assembly” call. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/27 "2012-10-27T18:14:05Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > That’s not to the tune of “Reville,” it’s to the tune of the bugle “Assembly” call. :smack: I should have known that. ---
**Author:** ![Coustralee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Coustralee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coustralee)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2012, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/28 "2012-10-28T13:56:28Z")
they had a similar topic on radio a while ago, someone called in and said that when she asked her dad what he did, he told her that he worked in the hundreds and thousands factory painting the hundreds and thousands. In the northern territory here there are massive termite nests by the sides of the roads, one guy told his kids they were dinosaur poop. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2012, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/29 "2012-10-28T19:03:33Z")
Adam and Eve and Pinch Me Went down to the river to bathe Adam and Eve were drowned Who do you think was saved? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/30 "2012-10-28T20:31:04Z")
“I see,” said the blind man, As he picked up his hammer and saw. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/31 "2012-10-28T20:46:41Z")
Knock knock Who’s there Peter Peter who Peter night before you go to bed. (Pee tonight, took me embarrassingly long to get it.) ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/32 "2012-10-29T02:37:45Z")
Dad: **"Let’s get going, Shadrach, Meschach, and tobedwego!"** It’s referencing Abednego in the fiery furnace story and my Dad would yell it to get us going to bed. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/33 "2012-10-29T07:17:40Z")
The first time I heard those names I thought they were “Shadrack, he back to Mexico.” [Shrug] ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2012, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/34 "2012-10-29T15:26:44Z")
My dad’s witticisms – I’ve heard them all dozens of times, but I think he’s retired from the comedy game now: (Whenever we were having peas for dinner) “Take a pea.” Me: “Dad, I’m too tired to walk!” Dad: “Why don’t you run instead?” Me: “I have a headache.” Dad: “Amputation is the only cure.” Me: “Can I get a ride to XYZ?” Dad: “I’ll give you a ride on the end of my toe.” ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/35 "2012-10-30T01:17:57Z")
My dad, presented with an unknown object; “It’s a wing-wang for a ducks ass” Any object that can be used two ways is bisexual. I use both of these. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/36 "2012-10-30T01:32:18Z")
When we asked Dad to tell us a bed time story, he always started thusly: _Once upon a time,_ _When pigs were swine,_ _And monkeys chewed tobacco,_ \*And hens took snuff to make them tough, \* _And ducks went quack, quack, quacko;_ _I’ll tell you a story_ _About Jack and a Nory_ _And now my story’s begun;_ _I’ll tell you another_ _About Jack and his brother,_ _And now my story is done._ ---
**Author:** ![Dano83860](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a4c791/32.png) [@Dano83860](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dano83860)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/37 "2012-10-30T02:59:12Z")
Mom said if you sleep with dogs you will wake up with flees. She also told me we have daylight saving time so the farmers had more time in the fields. Didn’t understand the first and couldn’t understand why a farmer would care what time it was. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/38 "2012-10-30T05:03:59Z")
From my maternal grandmother- Beauty’s only skin deep, but ugly’s to the bone. Also, sung to the tune of “Here Comes The Bride” or whatever it’s called: Here comes the bride All fat and wide See how she wiggles From side to side Here comes the groom Go get the broom I’m not sure of the last line, and I don’t remember the finish. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/39 "2012-10-30T05:22:37Z")
My Grandparents started this, but my folks used to do it too: (after mealtime) Well, I ate sufficient. _You went a’fishin’?_ I said I ate aplenty! _Ya caught twenty?!_ Poor old soul… _Ya lost yer pole?!_ I like this thread. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2012, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906/40 "2012-10-30T06:50:31Z")
\*Here comes the bride, here comes the groom; The groom doesn’t know it but he’s marching to his doom! 😃 \* or, as I used to mutter when I had been waiting for a bus and it finally came: _Here comes the bus Covered with pus._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-our-parents-told-us/638906.md?page=3)