# Funny Things Said During Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676 "2009-01-23T18:25:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Euryphaessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Euryphaessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euryphaessa)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/21 "2009-01-23T23:11:58Z")
Back when I was a callow youth, I was experimenting with a female friend of mine and my hair kept getting in my face and mouth, prompting her to observe: “Huh, so this is why lesbians have crew cuts!” ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/22 "2009-01-24T00:33:58Z")
My husband knows he can crack me up at any time; any time _at all_. He is not above abusing this talent during sex. His favorite is injecting “that’s what she said!” after my exclamations of passion. “Oh my god!” “That’s what she said!” “Yes, yes, yes!” “That’s what she said!” Whenever I try to get him back, it never works. He doesn’t laugh at all, he stays completely focused on task. Funny. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/23 "2009-01-24T01:16:58Z")
“who let the dogs out”. No effing idea why, but stopped me dead. She was an older, mature woman. Or so I though. Until then. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/24 "2009-01-24T16:11:51Z")
I don’t have any memorable anecdotes, but I thought I would provide [this handy reference](http://incredimazing.com/static/media/2008/08/28/23f48007ed33b77/thingstosayduringsex.gif). ---
**Author:** ![Dreamy\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@Dreamy\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dreamy_B)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/25 "2009-01-24T16:56:14Z")
From the roommates side of the house…Hi Ho Silver, Away! Maybe along with his faithful Indian companion Tonto, the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains, was leading the fight for law and order in the early west. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/26 "2009-01-24T19:32:13Z")
I once had a girl shout “oh THE **GOSH!** ” I have no idea what she was trying to say, but it couldn’t have been that. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/27 "2009-01-24T20:07:37Z")
Don’t know if it was said in the moment of passion, but the morning after the 1994 Northridge earthquake and reported in the next day’s LA Times: Reporter interviewing people at a Hotel in Warner center quoting a bride who’s wedding was the day before: “It’s my fault, the earth moved.” In the midst of dealing with 10s of thousands of dollars in damage, this cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/28 "2009-01-24T20:18:50Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > A girl when I was in college, back in the days before sex killed you, and the worst you could do was to have to take some pills or get a shot, and we were all jumping each other wherever we could… > > I was deeply in lust with her, merely from watching her walk through the cafeteria with her friends. I ran into her by coincidence at a party, found the courage (in a glass of beer) to talk to her. Not 12-15 minutes later we were back in her room, making the old squeaky dorm bed do what old squeaky dorm beds do. After an hour or more of various bouts of different things, she sat up, grabbed me by the sides of my head and said: > > (wait for it now) > “So, do I get that second date now?” And? Did she? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/29 "2009-01-24T20:43:47Z")
> [@slitterst](#): > > > [@pbbth](#): > > > > Talk of babies is never sexy. > > Never say never. Yeah, I’ve got to agree with that. How do I do this without going entirely TMI? There are certain kinks, okay … which, when combined with the notion of getting her pregnant, are only intensified. As someone once said, “Sex is good. _Dirty sex is great_.” Addressing the OP’s original question: There are two common four-letter words for genitals which both start with _c_, one for each gender. One time not too long ago, my girlfriend said in the throes of passion, “Your c— feels so good in my c—.” Only she got them backward. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/30 "2009-01-24T21:02:30Z")
‘‘I’ll violate \*your \*prime directive.’’ Yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/31 "2009-01-24T21:19:34Z")
Him: Oooo you’re sucking my nipple like a man Me: Ummm Him: I mean, not that any man has sucked my nipples, but that’s the way a man sucks nipples not the way a girl does, I mean like I do, I’m a man and … Me: STFU ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/32 "2009-01-24T21:22:27Z")
> [@Telcontar](#): > > And? Did she? Oh hell yes. Technically, our second date was that night. We went back to the party, hung out some more then retreated to my place for the night, into morning. But to the point, as a matter of fact, we got pretty serious after that, much to the surprise of my friends given both - how we hooked up (alcohol fueled lust) and the fact that she was way, way over my pay grade in the hotness department. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/33 "2009-01-24T23:31:06Z")
Not something said exactly… I had been dating a girl for a few weeks and things were progressing nicely. After a date out, we end up back at my place and it becomes obvious this is going to be “the night” - the first time she spends the night at my place and the sexy-sexy is going to happen. So we end up in my bedroom, still clothed but making-out quite heavily. Articles of clothing are slowly coming off as we’re getting more and more passionate. Lips are sucking on necks, hands are drifting over each other’s bodies as we are unleashing a lot of pent-up lust. Eventually her hand goes to my belt and removes it and begins to undo my pants as we are getting hotter and hotter for each other. As we are kissing and groping each other madly, she manages to open my pants and slide a hand down and wraps her fingers around my now quite swollen… um… you know. At this precise moment, this woman who I’ve been wanting for weeks and weeks now… …gets a case of the laughters. Not the giggles. She starts laughing. Heartily laughing. Uncontrollably and (for me) mood killing laughter. Needless to say “the night” was delayed to another time. MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/34 "2009-01-24T23:41:41Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Not something said exactly… > > I had been dating a girl for a few weeks and things were progressing nicely. After a date out, we end up back at my place and it becomes obvious this is going to be “the night” - the first time she spends the night at my place and the sexy-sexy is going to happen. > > So we end up in my bedroom, still clothed but making-out quite heavily. Articles of clothing are slowly coming off as we’re getting more and more passionate. Lips are sucking on necks, hands are drifting over each other’s bodies as we are unleashing a lot of pent-up lust. Eventually her hand goes to my belt and removes it and begins to undo my pants as we are getting hotter and hotter for each other. As we are kissing and groping each other madly, she manages to open my pants and slide a hand down and wraps her fingers around my now quite swollen… um… you know. At this precise moment, this woman who I’ve been wanting for weeks and weeks now… > > …gets a case of the laughters. Not the giggles. She starts laughing. Heartily laughing. Uncontrollably and (for me) mood killing laughter. > > Needless to say “the night” was delayed to another time. > > MeanJoe Oh god…that…is…HORRIBLE I feel so sorry…but it eventually happened right? ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/35 "2009-01-24T23:53:53Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Not something said exactly… > > I had been dating a girl for a few weeks and things were progressing nicely. After a date out, we end up back at my place and it becomes obvious this is going to be “the night” - the first time she spends the night at my place and the sexy-sexy is going to happen. > > So we end up in my bedroom, still clothed but making-out quite heavily. Articles of clothing are slowly coming off as we’re getting more and more passionate. Lips are sucking on necks, hands are drifting over each other’s bodies as we are unleashing a lot of pent-up lust. Eventually her hand goes to my belt and removes it and begins to undo my pants as we are getting hotter and hotter for each other. As we are kissing and groping each other madly, she manages to open my pants and slide a hand down and wraps her fingers around my now quite swollen… um… you know. At this precise moment, this woman who I’ve been wanting for weeks and weeks now… > > …gets a case of the laughters. Not the giggles. She starts laughing. Heartily laughing. Uncontrollably and (for me) mood killing laughter. > > Needless to say “the night” was delayed to another time. > > MeanJoe Why was she laughing? ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/36 "2009-01-25T00:16:49Z")
**Sir T-Cups** - Yes, it eventually happened and we ended up together for over 2 years. Lots of good sexy-sex followed but I think she always felt badly about that laugh-fit she had. **DudleyGarrett** - Well, she insisted it was a pure nervous reaction and it was not an indication of her first opinion upon encountering my um… well you know. 😃 MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/37 "2009-01-25T00:35:50Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > encountering my um… well you know. 😃 I think in this thread you can say penis. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/38 "2009-01-25T00:38:40Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > Not something said exactly… > > I had been dating a girl for a few weeks and things were progressing nicely. After a date out, we end up back at my place and it becomes obvious this is going to be “the night” - the first time she spends the night at my place and the sexy-sexy is going to happen. > > So we end up in my bedroom, still clothed but making-out quite heavily. Articles of clothing are slowly coming off as we’re getting more and more passionate. Lips are sucking on necks, hands are drifting over each other’s bodies as we are unleashing a lot of pent-up lust. Eventually her hand goes to my belt and removes it and begins to undo my pants as we are getting hotter and hotter for each other. As we are kissing and groping each other madly, she manages to open my pants and slide a hand down and wraps her fingers around my now quite swollen… um… you know. At this precise moment, this woman who I’ve been wanting for weeks and weeks now… > > …gets a case of the laughters. Not the giggles. She starts laughing. Heartily laughing. Uncontrollably and (for me) mood killing laughter. > > Needless to say “the night” was delayed to another time. > > MeanJoe If it makes you feel any better, several years ago when I first met my ex he and I were making out and though this wasn’t going to be “the night” there was going to be some fooling around for sure. I unzipped his pants, wrapped my hand around his penis and then moved my hand forward searching for more penis that wasn’t actually there. He was the smallest guy I’ve ever seen (phallically speaking, that is, as he was like 6’1" and 300 lbs or so) and in the heat of the moment my brain thought, “where is the rest of the penis?” and my hand went searching for more penis that didn’t exsist. I ended up being with him for 2 years so obviously size wasn’t important but he must have been crushed by my search. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/39 "2009-01-25T00:57:05Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > If it makes you feel any better, several years ago when I first met my ex he and I were making out and though this wasn’t going to be “the night” there was going to be some fooling around for sure. I unzipped his pants, wrapped my hand around his penis and then moved my hand forward searching for more penis that wasn’t actually there. He was the smallest guy I’ve ever seen (phallically speaking, that is, as he was like 6’1" and 300 lbs or so) and in the heat of the moment my brain thought, “where is the rest of the penis?” and my hand went searching for more penis that didn’t exsist. I ended up being with him for 2 years so obviously size wasn’t important but he must have been crushed by my search. Alright, I’m curious…how small would you say he was? I just want to know…for research purposes and all that. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2009, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/40 "2009-01-25T01:05:59Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > Alright, I’m curious…how small would you say he was? I just want to know…for research purposes and all that. Well, I never measured, but he was approximately 3"-3.5" completely hard. When he was soft it retracted completely so when he wasn’t aroused it looked as though he had no penis at all, only testicles. He did pretty well with what he had and learned how to do other things to make up for his lack of size but it was by far the smallest penis I’ve ever seen. He wasn’t bad in bed but he would have benefitted from an additional couple of inches, to be sure. My current boyfriend thinks it is funny when I tell him what an enormous cock he has (probably 8" or so) because he doesn’t see where I could think that was very large. He would have a better idea if I explained all this to him but somehow I don’t think he wants to hear about my ex and his tiny, tiny penis. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676.md?page=3)