# Funny Things Said During Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676 "2009-01-23T18:25:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/61 "2009-01-26T00:40:17Z")
> [@](#): > > From the roommates side of the house…Hi Ho Silver, Away! > Maybe along with his faithful Indian companion Tonto, the daring and resourceful masked rider of the plains, was leading the fight for law and order in the early west. Friends told me that they could hear the upstairs neighbors pretty clearly through the floor. After much bed squeaking, they heard: **“Yippee Ti-yi-YAY!!”** ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/62 "2009-01-26T02:39:19Z")
I don’t got stories of my own, but a friend of a friend once yelled ‘This is SPARTAA!’ right when he came. Needless to say, he slept on the couch that night. ---
**Author:** ![Pollux\_Oil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/858c86/32.png) [@Pollux\_Oil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pollux_Oil)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/63 "2009-01-26T03:54:58Z")
I don’t really have anything to add, but I must say this thread is making me want to have sex more often to see what kind of silly stuff I can get away with. ---
**Author:** ![PopeJewish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@PopeJewish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PopeJewish)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/64 "2009-01-26T04:51:13Z")
couple of situationals here. So back in college I was really into the Legend of Zelda video game series and fancied myself as being likened to Link to the point where I contemplated getting a Triforce tatoo on my hand for a couple years. Don’t worry about it, I was a nerd (and I never got the tatoo, thankfully). Anyway, I’m with my then-girlfriend, my iTunes is on random, and she’s going down on me. Suddenly the orchestrated version of the Zelda theme song comes up over my speakers. She stops dead, looks at me with that “…seriously?” look in her eyes. I looked down at her “no, no, just go with it.” Needless to say that was the best blowjob I ever got 😃 Another time I’m having a party at my apartment, nothing too big (it was a small place) but maybe 15 people are over. My housemate disappears into his room with his girlfriend and we all start to hear the sounds of her… pleasure. Over the music and everything. My buddy Simon thinks this is absolutely hilarious, so he goes over and starts banging on my housemate’s door yelling “hey, keep it down in there” and the like. The door flies open and my housemate, butt nekid and at full mast, comes flying out, grabs simon by the collar and pushes him into the wall saying “do you mind? I’m busy in here!” The party got dead silent. He turns around, closes the door, and literally 3 seconds later the screams start up again. Uproarous laughter ensued ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/65 "2009-01-26T09:55:24Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > My current boyfriend thinks it is funny when I tell him what an enormous cock he has (probably 8" or so) because he doesn’t see where I could think that was very large. He would have a better idea if I explained all this to him but somehow I don’t think he wants to hear about my ex and his tiny, tiny penis. He is aware that average penis size in America is 5", right? (or was it 5.5"? either way, not 8.) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/66 "2009-01-26T10:50:08Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > He is aware that average penis size in America is 5", right? > (or was it 5.5"? either way, not 8.) Perhaps he’s English, not American? 😉 😛 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/67 "2009-01-26T11:07:08Z")
After reading this thread, I think I’ll make this a ‘let’s just cuddle’-night for fear of what I might say otherwise… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/68 "2009-01-26T12:03:15Z")
More ick than funny: My ex-wife used to have a bad habbit of talking about crap, that has nothing to do with sex, durring our love making. (I was just as bad as I had a bad habbit of watching TV durring our love making.) Anyway, I was about 3 seconds from busting my nut when my wife asks “Are you taking the kids to school in the morning?” Talk about a mood killer. Also not durring sex but with a GF. In my house I used to have this horrible looking Knight figure that was made out of rusty old tin and a broom handle. His name was “Sam”. In a crowded bar I was telling my GF “I think I’m going to take Sam and stick him in the Dinning room.” My GF hates Sam so she responded with “YOU’RE WANNA STICK IT WHERE!” she said that little gem about a half second after the music died and the whole bar went silent. Followed by extreme laughter by everyone in the bar. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/69 "2009-01-26T14:01:27Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > He is aware that average penis size in America is 5", right? > (or was it 5.5"? either way, not 8.) Logically he is aware of that. Not having been around too many naked men in his life though all he really has to compare himself to is the men in porn so of course he figures that 10"-12" is average. I keep telling him that since there has never been a team of naked, horny women at his door delivering pizza that things in porn are not the best indicators of the way things are in real life but I don’t think he believes me. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/70 "2009-01-26T15:37:59Z")
I can’t recall if I’ve told this one before,if so, I apologize. I was dating this girl a couple years ago. She is very small, in every way. Short, skinny, and you can guess where else. Now I never claim to have a humonh0ous cock, but it is a little bigger than average, but to her it was very large. So we had to take it slow when we had sex or else it would hurt her. Well eventually she got to the point where she said something along the lines of “I want to feel you all the way inside me tonight.” Well, not wanting to disappoint, I started to slowly go further into her. As it also happened, this was the first time we had sex with the lights on (it’s not that either of us didn’t like sex with the lights on, it was just a coincidence that every other time they were off.) I happened to notice she had a small scar on the right side of her abdomen. So, while being at almost “full depth,” I just asked, “Oh, did you have your appendix taken out?” Her eyes then got REALLY wide, and she looks at me and goes: “Just how fucking deep in me _are you?_” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/71 "2009-01-26T16:28:37Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > “Just how fucking deep in me _are you?_” I’ll bill you for my new monitor. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/72 "2009-01-26T17:48:51Z")
Not exactly during sex, but the sentiment is still there. My girlfriend and I often speak to each other in Irish accents. “Oh, pot o’ gold, shamrock shenanigans, oh doo-dee-doo-dee-doo, always after me lucky charms!” It’s all just fun nonsense. The other night we were sort of play touching each other, and got into Irish mode. I said “Oh doo-dee-doo-dee-doo, the mountains of Killarny.” She cracked up. As it turns out, I was feeling up her breasts at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/73 "2009-01-26T19:14:15Z")
I know **Cervaise** linked earlier, but [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24960) cannot be linked to often enough. Just hilarious. “Is that a _leg_?!” I can set my current FWB into a 20 minute fit of laughter by quoting “balls” from _Dr Horrible_, though for obvious reasons, I tend to wait until a little _after_ the sex. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/74 "2009-01-26T21:22:53Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > I used to do Calculus homework in my head if I wasn’t being properly stimulated. > > Yup, true story. Funny, I always thought mental math was for the times you were about to be a little too properly stimulated … ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/75 "2009-01-27T02:55:56Z")
An ex-boyfriend and I were both 80’s pop culture freaks, and we had been hanging out earlier listening to 80’s music and talking classic movies, including _Real Genius_. Later that evening, he and I were energetically enjoying each others company, to the point where we rolled over on the bed and I just about fell OFF the bed. He hauled me back into the bed, whereupon I asked “Was that a launch problem, or a design problem?” We were done for a while due to the laughing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/76 "2009-01-27T03:18:03Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![PopeJewish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@PopeJewish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PopeJewish)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/77 "2009-01-27T05:49:39Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > Funny, I always thought mental math was for the times you were about to be a little too properly stimulated … it’s worked for me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/78 "2009-01-27T07:33:56Z")
My all time favorite (other than “oops” of course), was one I saw and heard on a porno movie called (IIRC) “_The Sperminator_” She: "Ahhhhh! **FUCK** me, Baby! He: " I **am**!":D:rolleyes: * * * Fuck y’all want from me **anyway** , Man??? Best I can do these days to get it hard is to pray for arthur-itis in the damn thing! :D:D:D:D Q ---
**Author:** ![cedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cedman)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/79 "2009-01-27T20:07:06Z")
The funny part didn’t happen DURING sex, it was a few months AFTER… I really like to go down on my woman. She really gets into it when I get into it, and I get into it when she does and the whole thing just escalates. One night, we were rockin’ and rollin’ when she kinda screamed through clenched teeth, “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING me!” Months later, we went to the movies to see “The Notebook”. When the girl says, “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING me!” after having sex, we both shrieked out loud at the top of our lungs. The movie was packed and I bet we scared the bejesus out of everyone in there. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676/80 "2009-02-02T23:30:07Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Not exactly during sex, but the sentiment is still there. > > My girlfriend and I often speak to each other in Irish accents. “Oh, pot o’ gold, shamrock shenanigans, oh doo-dee-doo-dee-doo, always after me lucky charms!” It’s all just fun nonsense. > > The other night we were sort of play touching each other, and got into Irish mode. I said “Oh doo-dee-doo-dee-doo, the mountains of Killarny.” She cracked up. As it turns out, I was feeling up her breasts at the time. There isn’t a smiley that will suffice. :p:confused:🆒:D:dubious: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-said-during-sex/482676.md?page=5)