# Funny things your parents say **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963 "2004-07-07T16:08:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/21 "2004-07-08T05:32:54Z")
My father was the only person I’ve ever heard say “dagnabbit”! When he was tired, he would say, “I’m wore to frazzle”. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/22 "2004-07-08T05:54:24Z")
“Heavens to Betsy Hannah!” One of my mom’s favorite exclamations. I’d love to use it but I just can’t make it sound right. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/23 "2004-07-08T07:55:17Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Just popping in to see if **elfbabe** has posted here. > > \ > > carry on Well, now that I think of it… 😃 Honestly, I think most of **Qadgop** ’s strange sayings are things he does on purpose in order to be amusing. He does refer to a group of females as “gals,” though, which is a bit odd for an educated liberal of his particular age group. (And face it Dad, the country has shifted far enough right that you ARE a liberal now. I’m sorry. 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/24 "2004-07-08T08:18:42Z")
I can’t remember anything from my parents, but my grandmother, who would never say “sh\*t!”, used to say “bug dust!”, which I assume means very tiny quantities of the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/25 "2004-07-08T12:13:59Z")
Not my mother, but I used to work with a lady who would regularly exclaim “Hokey Pete!” when she was surprised. I’ve never heard it before or since. My mother has a lot of odd sayings that make me cringe. Without fail, if my mother is referring to the beginning of something, she’ll say “from jump street.” As in, “I’ve been telling you that from jump street!” She also refers to music as “jams.” My great grandmother used to refer to KMart as KMarket. ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/26 "2004-07-08T12:36:29Z")
My dad used to say, “Well bite my wangy” when he’d done something stupid. He also used to call me “monkey tail.” I sure do miss him something awful. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/27 "2004-07-08T13:14:35Z")
My dad never liked to cuss in front of us girls, but he’d do it anyway, and then turn red. He likes to say “shitski” as in, “Well, shitski, the door’s still jammed.” He also likes to say “gas out” as in, “I’m tired. I think I’ll gas out on the couch,” and mean to relax. Sometimes it is literally outgassing, though. My mother calls me a “kiddo.” “Well, kiddo, it’s time for bed.” Not to mention I’m now 27 years of age. Even worse, my husband has picked up on it. There’s probably more, but those are my most and least favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/28 "2004-07-08T13:56:27Z")
Pretty much my Dad’s entire “sex talk” with me was the line: “remember, a night time of pleasure isn’t worth a life time of grief.” I don’t know if it meant “wear a condom”, or “don’t have sex” or “don’t get VD” or “don’t get her pregnant” or what, but I always thought it was funny. After saying it, he could tell himself, “there, we had the sex talk.” **elfbabe** – my dad also calls all women “gals”. It’s actually a nice lesson about the inanity of the PC Speech Gestapo. . . Does your dad treat women badly even though he calls them all “gals”? No? Right. It’s just a word. ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/29 "2004-07-08T18:00:03Z")
My mom always used to say “ye Gods and little fishes!” (sort of in a “good grief!” way). I’ve never heard anyone else use that one. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/30 "2004-07-08T18:22:57Z")
First thing that came to mind- I was hospitalized with a severe kidney infection. Doctor told my mom that it was probably stress induced (long story). Mom’s response? “She can’t have stress! She doesn’t have a mortgage!” So what if I was going to school FT, working FT, and planning a wedding. When I signed papers on my first ‘house’, I turned to her and asked if I was allowed to have stress now. She sucked her lips in and whispered “Shut up!”. Dad nigh on fell off the chair laughing. Dad’s favorite “Yes, I’m cheap” phrase is “If it cost a nickel to use the toilet, I’d havta pee my pants!” Said loudly, in public, can be quite embarassing. Mom tries her best not to cuss. The first time I heard her swear was in calling her boss a bitch. Came out more as “That-that-b-b-wih-bih-aw-bitch!” The stuttering coming from a usually compaosed woman was a stitch. I too tried not to swear around LilMiss. Considering I could out cuss a sailor, it was not a mean feat. Shi–take mushrooms, Shi–boygan, and fuh-ndamental were often said. Finally, when LilMiss was around 6 she informed me she ‘knew’ the cuss words and said I could cuss at will. Whatta kid. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/31 "2004-07-08T18:44:35Z")
My mother describes someone in an extremely agitated state as being in a “three-pronged tizzy”. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that anywhere else, but I’m doing my best to promulgate it. **AngelicGemma** , would you prefer she call your house your “crib”? That would probably put you in the same boat as **Hello Again** and his posse. ---
**Author:** ![ThatDuckIsEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@ThatDuckIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatDuckIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/32 "2004-07-08T19:25:06Z")
My Grandma used to say “horse feathers!” whenever I’d beat her at Euchre. Dad has started saying it now. Funniest thing my Dad has said - most recently that is: “It was dry as a popcorn fart.” I laughed till I almost peed myself, but darn it if I can remember to what he was referring. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/33 "2004-07-08T19:27:36Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > Pretty much my Dad’s entire “sex talk” with me was the line: “remember, a night time of pleasure isn’t worth a life time of grief.” The talk I got went like this: “If any girls turn up pregnant, you’re a dead man.” Oddly enough, no girls turned up pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine_and_Smiles)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/34 "2004-07-08T20:21:12Z")
My mom will never be able to live down the night she, whilst quite pissed off, shouted “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, MIKE! FOOD DOESN’T GROW ON TREES!” I love my mom! ---
**Author:** ![Sami41](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@Sami41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sami41)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/35 "2004-07-08T20:23:32Z")
My Dad was telling me that one of his co-workers is very proficient at operating a bulldozer. What he said was “Ol’ Jeb can do anything but make ice cream on a dozer.” More recently, he was telling us that his father didn’t like automatic transmissions: “This was a man who didn’t have room up his butt for an automatic if he had room for a jig-saw.” He says stuff like this all the time, we kids and our friends refer to them as “Bobisms” or sometimes “UncleBobisms.” ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/36 "2004-07-08T20:35:49Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > My mother calls me a “kiddo.” “Well, kiddo, it’s time for bed.” Not to mention I’m now 27 years of age. Even worse, my husband has picked up on it. That is absolutely adorable. 🙂 My dad has a lot of what we call “Dadisms”. He certainly didn’t invent them, but no one else I knew said them: “Anyone who would eat that would shit in church” “Nervous as a whore in church” - another with a ‘church’ theme “Your taste in is your mouth” - when we don’t like something he likes “Handy as tits on a boar hog” “Busy as a cat covering shit” - my personal favorite I can’t think of anything mom says, but she has a lot of mannerisms that would be difficult to convey on a message board (mannerisms which, according to my husband, I have inherited. Nooooooo!) ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/37 "2004-07-08T21:05:11Z")
My dad doesn’t say “handy as tits on a boar hog,” **Nutty Bunny** , but he does say “useless as tits on a bull.” That’s pretty common around here. Surely you’ve noticed all the cows. That’s sort of irrelevant in my dad’s case, though. He’s not from around here. ---
**Author:** ![rackman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d07c76/32.png) [@rackman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rackman)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/38 "2004-07-08T21:11:03Z")
We still laugh about the time my dad was yelling at my brother and I to stop having an eating contest, and said that he didn’t want to have to have our “pomachs stumpted” Also, it appears impossible for him to remember the name of the Chicago style pizza chain “Pizzeria Uno”, he always refers to it as “Uno One”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/39 "2004-07-08T21:14:34Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > My mother calls me a “kiddo.” “Well, kiddo, it’s time for bed.” My mom did (and does) the same thing. That, and “monkey”. Monkey is often shorted to “monk.” As in, well, I can’t think of an exact sentence, but imagine something along the lines of “Hey there, monkey” or “Hi monk”. That sort of thing. Monkey I kinda get, but shortening it to monk? ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/40 "2004-07-08T21:53:47Z")
My parents were never happy with just giving a hug, it was always accompanied by “Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze ya 'til you poop.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963.md?page=3)