# Funny things your parents say **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 7, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963 "2004-07-07T16:08:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cockatiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cockatiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cockatiel)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/61 "2004-07-09T23:52:18Z")
Whenever my mom hears something she can’t believe, she says “Golly.” However, it’s not just pronounced “Golly,” but more of a “GollEEEEE” with the accent on the last syllable. I swear, for years I thought she was saying “Godly” 😛 . ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/62 "2004-07-10T00:04:21Z")
> [@SamIAm336](#): > > My dad also says whole famn damily, and he warshes stuff. > ‘cold as a witches tit’ was one of his favorites too, before mom made him stop saying that one, sometime before I turned 10. My dad always used to say “colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra” or “colder then a well-digger’s bum.” Every morning when he’d drop us off at the bus stop, he’d say goodbye with “don’t let your tits drag in the snow” (which I guess is kinda weird, now that I look back on it.) One day my sister turned around and said “don’t let your balls drag in the dust!” (He worked at a plant that makes gravel.) I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad so shocked. ---
**Author:** ![Beauty\_Personified](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@Beauty\_Personified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beauty_Personified)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/63 "2004-07-10T05:56:36Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > My mom did (and does) the same thing. That, and “monkey”. Monkey is often shorted to “monk.” As in, well, I can’t think of an exact sentence, but imagine something along the lines of “Hey there, monkey” or “Hi monk”. That sort of thing. Monkey I kinda get, but shortening it to monk? While my mother calls my father “Papa Smurf”, my father calls her “Monks” - short for “Monkey”. Because of that, my mother has a nice collection of toy monkeys; including some pretty cool Beanie Baby ones. (I like the baboon with the psychedelic ass. 😃 ) We also have a cousin that we used to call “Monkey”. I wonder if his wife has caught on yet? Anyhoo… ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/64 "2004-07-10T06:44:33Z")
My dad has an expression that he uses when expressing consternation at, say, a slow driver: “Slower’ whale shit at the bottom of the ocean!”. I don’t get it. He’s also fond of the insult “dickweed” - a term he may or may not’ve made up. My mother doesn’t have any odd sayings/expressions, but her mom always says, when expressing disbelief, “Mother’a’GOD!”. Hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beauty\_Personified](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@Beauty\_Personified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beauty_Personified)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/65 "2004-07-10T07:22:09Z")
Oh, yeah! My father’s fond of the expression, _“Slower than cold molasses going uphill in the wintertime!”_ 😃 Anyhoo… ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/66 "2004-07-10T07:49:50Z")
Whenever someone would choke in my stepmother’s presence she would say, “did something go down the wrong throat?” ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/67 "2004-07-10T16:18:27Z")
We have a ritual we always do when we go to the beach. If we see a rock in the sand that might be interesting enough to keep, we’ll pick it up. My Dad’ll say, “Is it a leverite?” If we decide we don’t want it after all, we’ll toss it away and say, “Yup, leave 'er right there!” My Dad thinks his Dad made that one up. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/68 "2004-07-10T20:19:25Z")
> [@plnnr](#): > > My late grandmother was a devout Methodist. She was also a saint, who never, in all the time I knew her (30+ years) spoke badly about anyone nor uttered a curse word. If she ever heard of something she just couldn’t believe, she’d say “Well, I hope I may never.” > > My other grandmother, on the other hand, drank PBR, smoked packs of Pall Malls a day, and cursed like a sailor… I wish I had your grandmothers ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963/69 "2004-07-10T20:46:33Z")
My brother also says, “Shut the front door!” Not because he doesn’t swear (he does), but because he’s trying to be funny. It works. My parents used to say “Useless as tits on a boar” when I was a kid. I always thought they were saying boar **d** , and I’d imagine a pair of breasts on a see-saw. I never really “got” it… :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-things-your-parents-say/253963.md?page=3)