# Funny TV/Movie Lines That Took You Completely By Surprise **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 23, 2005, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086 "2005-09-23T17:10:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/81 "2005-09-26T04:22:18Z")
In _Scrubs_ when JD finally gets a straight up piece of advice from Dr Cox: “Always remember: no matter where you go in life always watch out for Johnny the tackling Alzheimer’s patient.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Gets tackled by a guy screaming “WHO AM I?!” ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/82 "2005-09-26T05:19:06Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > We can include commercials? Yay! > > I didn’t see this one on TV, but it was e-mailed to me. > > A couple of guys are at the supermarket, loading up their shopping carts with jugs of milk. Cut to more guys buying milk. Lots of it. Cut to a guy walking with armloads of milk, and his dog is wearing a special milk-carrying vest. Cut to a guy stealing milk from a truck. All of these guys look desperate. > > Then there is a black screen with the words “A recent study found that calcium may reduce the symptoms of PMS.” If you go to skoopy dot com (not a worksafe website) and go to the video section, but three or four pages in, they’ll have that commercial under, oddly enough, “funny ‘got milk’ commercial” ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/83 "2005-09-26T06:02:26Z")
> [@parthenokinesis](#): > > Sorry to have been deliberately vague in my previous post. Mulders line is > > How the hell should I know? > > which without the context of the entire episode is pretty meaningless. The ep “Jose Chung’s _From Outer Space_” is one of the few X-files episodes that really allowed itself to get silly/funny. Kind of like “The joke is out there” if you catch my meaning. Charles Nelson Reilly plays Jose Chung, who is interviewing Scully about the incident of two kids being abducted. Most of the story is told in flashback, there are many goofy characters, none of their memories are even remotely similar, and there are several plot twists deconstructing the whole alien abduction mythos. All in all one of my favorite television episodes of all time. I know I haven’t explained this well, but if you ever get a chance to see this ep, take it. > > Jack Is that the one where instead of swearing they have everyone saying “blankety blank” and “bleep?” If so, that was a very good episode. ---
**Author:** ![parthenokinesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/cc9497/32.png) [@parthenokinesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parthenokinesis)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/84 "2005-09-26T06:20:38Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > Is that the one where instead of swearing they have everyone saying “blankety blank” and “bleep?” If so, that was a very good episode. That’s the one. 🙂 Also the two actors they got to play the men in black were awesome. “Oh. She, uh… she went to get some ice.” I really can not recomend this episode highly enough. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/85 "2005-09-26T06:57:49Z")
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy - Mandy is in a beauty contest and their reeling of various tests the contestants they’re going through. Then they come to the “Gom Jabbar” test. Mindy’s their with her hand in a box and she screams “It Burns!” Rugrats - Chuckie gets trapped by some dancers. He finally gets out and moans “The hora! The hora!” The Eager Beaver - A looney tune short about beavers. The voice over guy comes out and says “the beavers dam the river.” The beavers rush to the river bank and begin screaming obscenities at the river. OK, they’re all blankity blank blank but it’s still funny as hell. And so many Harvey Birdman episodes. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/86 "2005-09-26T07:01:05Z")
The X Files always had its share of deadpan humor, and some its funny episodes (when it started doing those) were very funny. But none of them is like _Jose Chung_. How can you not be amused by an episode that guest stars Jesse Ventura and Alex Trebek as Men in Black? ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/87 "2005-09-26T08:56:25Z")
I’ve just seen this one on a rerun of LA Law. Michael Kusak and Grace Van Owen have recently broken up. They meet, Kusak is riding a new motorbike. **Grace :** I’ve never seen you with anything so powerful between your legs. **Kusak :** Well, I’ve never been on top of anything so responsive before. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/88 "2005-09-26T13:57:20Z")
“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a dodgeball.” Huh? I thought, then Rip Torn threw the wrench and dropped the kid to the ground I had to pause the movie to stop laughing. ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/89 "2005-09-26T14:51:07Z")
> [@zamboniracer](#): > > My contribution to the thread comes from “Cheers”. Someone mentioned the old question, "If a tree falls in a forest and no one’s there, does it make a sound? and Coach asked, “Well, if no one was there, how do you know it fell? Maybe some beavers set it down there.” Years ago, Jay Leno did a bit where he offered a solution to the question. He brought out a portable tape recorder which he said had been placed in a forest while a tree fell with no people in the vicinity. He pressed the play button and after several seconds of silence, someone in the audience yelled out, “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” It completely brought down the house, and Leno couldn’t continue for nearly a minute because he was laughing so hard. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/90 "2005-09-26T15:22:16Z")
From **The Young Ones** , after Rik wakes up with a young woman next to him in bed (who he doesn’t recognize). She’s at the kitchen table later, and Mike has asked her name: Woman: “Promise you won’t laugh? It’s Helen.” _Vyvian laughs_ Helen: I know, it’s awful, isn’t it? Sounds like somebody who’s been to hell and back. _pause_ Helen: At least my surname isn’t Back. That would be awful, wouldn’t it? Helen Back. _pause_ Helen: My surname is Mucus. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/91 "2005-09-26T15:42:22Z")
From **Bubba Ho-Tep** , when the old black guy who thinks he’s JFK shows Elvis the hieroglyphics he found written on the bathroom stall, and said he copied them down and looked them up in his book. Then he says (so serious and matter-of-fact): "Now, this top line translates roughly to: ‘Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers’, and this bottom line is, ‘Cleopatra does the nasty’ " ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/92 "2005-09-26T16:09:42Z")
> [@FatBaldGuy](#): > > Years ago, Jay Leno did a bit where he offered a solution to the question. He brought out a portable tape recorder which he said had been placed in a forest while a tree fell with no people in the vicinity. He pressed the play button and after several seconds of silence, someone in the audience yelled out, “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” > > It completely brought down the house, and Leno couldn’t continue for nearly a minute because he was laughing so hard. Funny indeed. It was actually Johnny Carson though, not Jay Leno. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/93 "2005-09-26T17:13:46Z")
> [@YellowTail](#): > > SNL recently played a re-run of Will Farrell hosting. They did their great Celebrity Jeopardy skit with Sean Connery of course. One of the categories was Japan US Relations. Sean Connery asked for Jap Anus Relations for $200! Gawd, I about choked to death! My all-time favourite was when he requested the category AN ALBUM COVER as “ANAL BUM COVER”. Heeeeeee. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/94 "2005-09-26T17:35:49Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > My all-time favourite was when he requested the category AN ALBUM COVER as “ANAL BUM COVER”. > Heeeeeee. I’m sorry, the question we were looking for in response to ‘The funniest Celebrity Jeopardy lines from SNL’ was ‘What is ‘The Penis Mightier’’? ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/95 "2005-09-26T17:59:22Z")
a couple of memorable adverts spring to mind, and seeing as i hate advertising, that’s no small feat… the “Jooky” promo for Sprite you see a beach scene with scantily clad women, guys in swim trunks/wetsuits/etc all cavorting on the beach to the tune of Carribiean music, the announcer goes on about how Jooky is a fun soda cut to a grubby apartment, two guys sitting on a couch, one pops the top of his Jooky, waits a beat, looks into the can, dejectedly he says, sadly… “mine’s busted” then there’s the Staples “SnoBot” advert highlights midway thru the ad can you tell me about this scanner-fax-copier No I’d really like to get one for my brother get him a cell phone no, he really wants one of these he can’t have her, i love her \ Weeping, weeping… \ it’s okay, we found you someone else Who? \ ROWR! ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/96 "2005-09-26T18:12:05Z")
One of my favorites was from **David Spade’s The Showbiz Show** on Comedy Central. He was doing his “news” segment and said that Michael Jackson was seen at a Dubai water park, wearing a white vinyl jumpsuit. Then they cut to a clip of a B movie with an albino alien-looking thing, sliding around in a stream. My husband and I were laughing so hard, I had to pause it. We laughed longer than we’ve ever laughed at anything…ever! More than 12 hours later, we were in bed, trying to sleep and for some reason, I thought about it and started laughing all over again. Another favorite is from this season’s **Family Guy**. I don’t remember the exact context\*, but 2 of the characters were talking about a woman being “loose” (it may have been Courtney Love) and, I believe it was Stewie(?) that said, “Really, I would think it’s more like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.” 😃 \*Feel free to fill in the blanks for me. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/97 "2005-09-26T18:23:23Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > AND: one of the latest Geico commercials > (turns out I was mistaken but:) > the scene is a stream, up which salmon are swiming, as the voiceover describes their journey, and their all too brief lifespan (camera pans to a bear who picks up a salmon) and _ **I SWEAR** _ it was the bear who said “But there’s good news, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico” (it’s actually the narrator, but you watch that commercial and tell me you don’t, for a brief moment, think it’s the bear) No, I didn’t think it was the bear talking - I thought it was going to be an ad for something on Animal Planet or Discovery, so the Geico part was totally unexpected, and I laughed like an idiot. I still laugh whenever I see that one. The older one with Speed Racer caught me off guard, too. I had a total “WTF?” moment when it first came on. Then Trixie broke in with, “The bridge is out. But there’s good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance with Geico!” I laughed till I cried. 😃 I grew up watching Speed Racer, so I knew who the characters were, but my kids thought I was nuts. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/98 "2005-09-26T18:43:00Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > a couple of memorable adverts spring to mind, and seeing as i hate advertising, that’s no small feat… > > the “Jooky” promo for Sprite > you see a beach scene with scantily clad women, guys in swim trunks/wetsuits/etc all cavorting on the beach to the tune of Carribiean music, the announcer goes on about how Jooky is a fun soda > > cut to a grubby apartment, two guys sitting on a couch, one pops the top of his Jooky, waits a beat, looks into the can, dejectedly > > he says, sadly… > > “mine’s busted” That was funny but it would’ve been funnier if the ad wasn’t an almost direct steal of a Jerry Seinfeld routine that was featured in the monologue segment of “The Phone Message” episode. - > [@](#): > > Some people have a little too much fun on television: the soda commercial people - where do they summon this enthusiasm? Have you seen them? “We have soda, we have soda, we have soda”, jumping, laughing, flying through the air - it’s a can of soda. > > Have you ever been standing there and you’re watching TV and you’re drinking the exact same product that they’re advertising right there on TV, and it’s like, you know, they’re spiking volleyballs, jet-skiing, girls in bikinis and I’m standing there - “Maybe I’m putting too much ice in mine.” - > [@BiblioCat](#): > > The older one with Speed Racer caught me off guard, too. I had a total “WTF?” moment when it first came on. Then Trixie broke in with, “The bridge is out. But there’s good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance with Geico!” I laughed till I cried. I grew up watching Speed Racer, so I knew who the characters were, but my kids thought I was nuts. What’s best about that ad is right after Trixie says that, it cuts back to Speed with an apparently bemused expression on his face (which, actually, Speed seemed to have about 90% of the time due to the show’s cheap limited animation). ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/99 "2005-09-26T18:55:26Z")
It’s not a line, but my favorite Sprite commercial is the one with the animated ‘Sun Drink’ logo chasing the woman and her children through the kitchen… ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086/100 "2005-09-26T19:07:43Z")
From Family Guy: **Diane Simmons:** Tom, the city of Boston is examining its conscience tonight in preparation for a visit from the Pope. **Tom Tucker:** That’s right, Diane. I’ll tell you what else will be examined–this cock. _(Tom looks down at his lap for a long beat before producing a rooster.)_ **Tom Tucker:** The Rhode Island Cock Society is sponsoring free check-ups for this year’s Cock Awareness Week. I don’t know why the suggestive name. They could’ve just as easily gone with “rooster.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-tv-movie-lines-that-took-you-completely-by-surprise/323086.md?page=6)