# Funny website: Overheard in New York **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 2006, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026 "2006-11-19T12:44:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2006, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/1 "2006-11-19T12:44:19Z")
[Obviously centered on New York City](http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/), also obviously centered on dumbasses and other assorted yahoos. > [@](#): > > Small, nervous boy: Mom, what’s necrophilia? > Harried mother: Jesus Christ! I told you not to hang around Uncle Gary unless there’s another adult with you! > Small, nervous boy: I didn’t! My daddy was there, too! > Harried mother: Oh my god. We’re moving back to the Island. > > –12th St & Ave B > [@](#): > > Ghetto cashier #1: Hey! Let me read the horoscope! > Ghetto cashier #2, reading The Daily News: The horoscope says it’s going to rain today and be really cold. > Old man: And that it’s a good day to die. > > –Grocery store check-out, W 148th & St. Nick > [@](#): > > Black Bible-thumper: Jesus will save you! Have you been saved? Praise Jesus! > Passerby: Praise Allah! > Black Bible-thumper: Fuck you, motherfucker! Jesus will kick your ass! > > –42nd & 8th > [@](#): > > Teen boy #1: Yo, we should go to the bellydancing tree-house today. > Teen boy #2: I hope you meant tryouts. > > –Stuyvesant High School > [@](#): > > Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything? > Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both. > Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores – I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball. > Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny. > Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny. > Hobo: You’re just a mean whore. > > –Bedford & 6th St ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2006, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/2 "2006-11-19T12:57:55Z")
Beautiful. > [@](#): > > Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet. > Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies. > Lady: With your umbrella. > Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big. > > –1 train ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/3 "2006-11-19T13:41:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Guy #1: I mean, who is impressed by knowing all the state capitals? That’s easy. I can name every state capital. > Guy #2: Vermont. > Guy #1: Huh? > Guy #2: What’s the capital of Vermont? > Guy #1: That’s not a state. > > –N train Victory through redefinition! > [@](#): > > Drunk guy #1: What’s the closest star to Earth? > Drunk girl: The Sun! > Drunk guy #2: No… It’s Alpha Centauri. > Drunk girl: I just don’t think I can agree with you on that. Anyway, Alpha Centauri is a galaxy! > Drunk guy #2: Let’s bet on it. > Drunk girl: Ok. But only money. No sexual favors. > > –85th St & Amsterdam Stupid, drunk, and horny is a hell of a way to go through life. > [@](#): > > Goth girl wannabe: I fantasize about incest, but not with anyone I’m related to. > > –East Village The Wholesome Pervert > [@](#): > > Girl #1: Lately, I just haven’t felt like going out. I’ve turned into such a…What’s the word? A homophobe. > Girl #2: What? Don’t you mean a homophiliac? > Girl #1: Yes! That’s what I meant! God, why can’t I think straight today? > > –Forever 21, W 34th St God killed a couple lexemes for that one. > [@](#): > > Girl: Ok, let’s name some idioms. > Guy: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you go first. > Girl: Ok. ‘Hit the hay.’ > Guy: ‘Suck the dick.’ > Girl: Ummm… > > –114th St & Broadway > [@](#): > > Customer: That guy? He was in a production of Fiddler on the Roof with me! > Bartender: Really? I thought he had Tourette’s! > Customer: Oh, he does. > > –Bar, 14th St & 7th Ave TRA- FUCK YOU! ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/4 "2006-11-19T22:01:18Z")
Here’s one that I remember from the New York Times regular column, Metropolitan Diary. Overheard on a bus, two twenty-something girls having a discussion about Woody Allen’s _musical_, “Every One Says I Love You”. Girl 1: What movie did you see last night? Girl 2: “Everyone Says I Love You”. Girl 1: How was it? Girl 2: It was okay, but a little strange. Every now and then the actors would just start singing to each other. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2006, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/5 "2006-11-19T23:48:29Z")
[QUOTE=Derleth] [Obviously centered on New York City](http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/), also obviously centered on dumbasses and other assorted yahoos. [/QUOTE] Ahem. Dumbasses NY has in certain quantities, but yahoos we have not (a working definition of yahoo being “someone from out of town”). ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2006, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/6 "2006-11-19T23:54:05Z")
Here’s one I overheard on a bus journey in Oxfordshire: Old Lady #1: 'Ello Enid, still got that sore throat? Old Lady #2: Not any more Mabel, the doctor put me on them anti-garrotics. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/7 "2006-11-20T00:16:28Z")
Dad: I’m not sleeping with the nanny. Son: Right, and I totally did not sleep with my fourth step-mommy. Teen boy: I know, all she does is complain about how none of her clothes fit her anymore. Teen girl: Well, didn’t anyone warn her? Teen boy: About what? Teen girl: That when you are sixteen and pregnant, you get fat. Conductor on speaker: We will be stopping in this station for an unspecified amount of time due to our hour delay. There is no scheduled departure time for this train. Once the maintenance is finished we will be departing unannounced. I repeat, we will be leaving unannounced. So if you do decide to step off the train, remember: the train didn’t leave you–you left the train. –Amtrak train Penn Station ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/8 "2006-11-20T00:23:56Z")
AirTran flight attendant over intercom: We hope you ladies and gentlemen had a nice flight, and we ask that you all press your faces against the windows so Delta can see what a full flight looks like. Flight Attendant: Thank you for flying US Airways, and have a happy… happy… what the hell holiday is this? Columbus? Psssh, that ain’t no holiday. Have a good week! Pilot flying into LaGuardia: If you look out the right side of the plane, you can see the beautiful, famous downtown skyline of Manhattan. [Pause.] And if you look out the left side… [pause, sighing] New Jersey. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/9 "2006-11-20T00:26:49Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Conductor on speaker: We will be stopping in this station for an unspecified amount of time due to our hour delay. There is no scheduled departure time for this train. Once the maintenance is finished we will be departing unannounced. I repeat, we will be leaving unannounced. So if you do decide to step off the train, remember: the train didn’t leave you–you left the train. –Amtrak train Penn Station [/QUOTE] Ahhh, Amtrak. They work hard to make things run right, I know, but every now and then you see someone working _extra_ hard to _in_convenience the passenger. (I suppose if you’d gotten in his face about it, he’d have said it was for homeland security purposes.) BTW, **Why,** congrats on 7000 posts in not even 2 1/2 years. You may be even more no-life-having than I with my paltry 5000 in just two. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/10 "2006-11-20T00:51:15Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] BTW, **Why,** congrats on 7000 posts in not even 2 1/2 years. You may be even more no-life-having than I with my paltry 5000 in just two. 😉 [/QUOTE] Stay at home moms used to lounge around all day eating bon bons and watching daytime television, I hear. I don’t like daytime television. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/11 "2006-11-20T01:12:56Z")
Overheard in 2005 in the Wal-Mart in my town: Guy 1: Hey, you know that new pope, Benedict? Guy 2: Yeah, what about him? Guy 1, in an outraged tone of voice: Benedict isn’t his real name! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/12 "2006-11-20T01:54:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Chick: So how was the baby shower? > Guy: It was nice. My mother decorated it – there were hanging diapers everywhere and shit. It was cute. > [@](#): > > Guy: I was watching a special where Maria Callas lost all her weight with a tapeworm. > Bimbette #1: Having a tapeworm is, like, my dream. > Bimbette #2: Oh, it’s easy to have a tapeworm. > [@](#): > > Stoner #1: I’m drunk. And I am high. > Stoner #2: I know you are. But… what am I? > Both stoners: Whoa. > [@](#): > > Young son: Your penis is bigger than my penis. > Father: I should hope so. [Several seconds later] Don’t touch it! > > –Big Apple Circus, men’s room :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/13 "2006-11-20T03:51:26Z")
My husband overheard this conversation in Wal-Mart. _Teen Girl 1: “Did you put yours in your butt?” Teen Girl 2: “Of course!”_ Then they both started giggling. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/14 "2006-11-20T04:05:26Z")
I’ve been reading those sites for the last year or so – they’re awesome. [Overheard in the Office](http://www.overheardintheoffice.com) and [Overheard at the Beach](http://www.overheardatthebeach.com) are sister sites. Great sites to relieve some stress, especially for cubicle farmers. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/15 "2006-11-20T04:08:39Z")
Also worth a look is [Overheard in Dublin](http://overheardindublin.com/). More or less what Overheard in New York would be like if New Yorkers did nothing but drink and ride buses. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/funny-website-overheard-in-new-york/381026/16 "2006-11-20T14:08:08Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Ahem. Dumbasses NY has in certain quantities, but yahoos we have not (a working definition of yahoo being “someone from out of town”). [/QUOTE] Nonsense – it’s closer to “someone who has never read any Swift,” and even New York has those. 😉