# Furious mom sends scolding email to son's fiance re her etiquette lapses. Are her criticisms valid?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/furious-mom-sends-scolding-email-to-sons-fiance-re-her-etiquette-lapses-are-her-criticisms-valid/587457>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [July 1, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/furious-mom-sends-scolding-email-to-sons-fiance-re-her-etiquette-lapses-are-her-criticisms-valid/587457 "2011-07-01T01:07:07Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 11

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**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2011, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/furious-mom-sends-scolding-email-to-sons-fiance-re-her-etiquette-lapses-are-her-criticisms-valid/587457/201 "2011-07-05T14:53:07Z")

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> [@TruCelt](#):
>
> True conversation: (Or as close as I can recall)
> 
> A: “I never got my cup of tea!”
> 
> B: “Well, but she offered you one, and you said ‘No, Thank you.’”
> 
> C: “In fact, she offered it twice and you said ‘No’ twice.”
> 
> A: “Well, of course I did, I didn’t want to seem greedy”
> 
> B&C: “WTF?!?”
> 
> A: “Americans! You don’t understand anything!”

Perfect illustration. Indian etiquette requires you to decline an offer twice. So the offer has to be made at least three times.

Here’s another thing. If someone asks for water, you can’t just give them a glass of water. You also have to give them a small plate of sweets or cookies.

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**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/furious-mom-sends-scolding-email-to-sons-fiance-re-her-etiquette-lapses-are-her-criticisms-valid/587457/202 "2011-07-05T14:59:23Z")

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> [@Acsenray](#):
>
> Perfect illustration. Indian etiquette requires you to decline an offer twice. So the offer has to be made at least three times.
> 
> Here’s another thing. If someone asks for water, you can’t just give them a glass of water. You also have to give them a small plate of sweets or cookies.

LOL! those are the little rules that really get you. Made me think of this book: [If You Give a Mouse a Cookie: Numeroff, Laura, Bond, Felicia: 9780060245863: Amazon.com: Books](http://www.amazon.com/You-Give-Mouse-Cookie-Give/dp/0060245867/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1309877914&sr=8-1#_)

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**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/furious-mom-sends-scolding-email-to-sons-fiance-re-her-etiquette-lapses-are-her-criticisms-valid/587457/203 "2011-07-05T15:07:55Z")

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> [@overlyverbose](#):
>
> Has it already been addressed how this e-mail came to be posted online anyway? Was it the daughter-in-law-to-be who put it online? Sorry if I missed it, but I was thinking about this over the weekend, and it also seems in really poor taste to post an e-mail like this, too.
> 
> I think the future MIL was ridiculously offensive, but it doesn’t strike me as super smart to post a family grievance like this online when you already have bad blood between future relatives (even if they’re not blood relations).

The future DIL sent it to a couple of friends who sent it to two friends, and they told two friends and so on and so on\* until it reached the internet.

\*Sorry I couldn’t stop myself

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**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\
**Post date:** [July 5, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/furious-mom-sends-scolding-email-to-sons-fiance-re-her-etiquette-lapses-are-her-criticisms-valid/587457/204 "2011-07-05T15:08:46Z")

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> [@Acsenray](#):
>
> In the culture we’re talking about, when it comes to interpersonal interactions, saving time is not valued as a general principle. They’re going to go through that dance with everyone all the time.

Yes, I suppose that makes sense, I would just rather spend that time chatting about their family or the book they’ve just read or how their house move is going rather than going back and forth about food I can’t eat!

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