# FYI: A lady's corset provides minimal protection against a dildo attack. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 13, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896 "2004-07-13T14:51:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/41 "2004-07-14T12:58:52Z")
BTW, **Stonebow** … I dub thee **Sir Stonebow** , Forger of Armor, bearer of corsets, and receiver of DHIBD:eek::eek: bruises. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/42 "2004-07-14T13:14:33Z")
> [@SpectBrain](#): > > Stonebow an armourer of note > Wore his wife’s corset over his scrote > She Smacked him quite hard > With a blue dildo, half yard > and > > Damn damn damn. Someone help finish this limerick. There’s gotta be a good finish for this. Feel free to rearrange or change. … and called him a randy old goat. … and now upon him she doth dote. … and sank the little man in the boat. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/43 "2004-07-14T14:43:19Z")
My mind is whirring with wonder of the need of such a mighty tool with TWO heads! Is there another maid that may figure in the postscript to this tale? Hmmmm??? and, to reiterate a previous post…pictures, please! ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/44 "2004-07-14T18:34:07Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > Is there another maid that may figure in the postscript to this tale? Alas, despite an errant fantasy now and then, there remains room enough the marriage bed of **Stonebow** and **FaerieBeth** for only two. Those two being us, in case anyone’s feeling clever. Of course, that does not preclude the use of all manner of ‘marital aids’ to keep the spice in things. There are all number of yummy orifices that exist just between two consenting adults… … … where was I again? Damn, where’s **Anal Scurvy** when you need him? He’d be able to explain this to you people. Prudes. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/45 "2004-07-14T19:11:48Z")
I wonder if I could take controll of a plane using an 18"DHIBJD? {me}Mr. Pilot come of the cockpit or I’ll use this 18"DHIBJD on your stewadesses! {Pilot} This I gotta see! ---
**Author:** ![Flander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Flander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flander)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/46 "2004-07-14T21:35:18Z")
> [@Stonebow](#): > > It is only tangential to the moral of the story. Am I the _only_ one who read this as **tangenital**? This sucks, I’m trying to answer phones at work and twice already I’ve cought myself almost saying, “18in double headed ice blue jelly dong”. WTF! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/47 "2004-07-14T21:56:38Z")
This happened to me once too, more or less, except that I hiccupped and said ‘dugong’, then it was too late. Let me tell you, it’s no fun at all being struck in the midriff by a large, double-ended, ice blue jelly plastic manatee. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/48 "2004-07-14T22:06:57Z")
> [@Stonebow](#): > > assuming we could redo it with larger pockets on the inside to hold the plates instead of the boning. It was very firm. I was impressed. Dear _Dragon Magazine_… I’ve read your letter columns for years but I never thought it could happen to me. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/49 "2004-07-15T05:08:14Z")
_Ahem_ I’m **really** not very pleased with this thread. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/50 "2004-07-15T05:30:58Z")
> [@jellyblue](#): > > _Ahem_ > > I’m **really** not very pleased with this thread. > :dubious: :eek:, meet :eek: :eek: . ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/51 "2004-07-15T13:08:29Z")
> [@jellyblue](#): > > _Ahem_ > > I’m **really** not very pleased with this thread. > :dubious: Hey, can we call you 18"JB? 'course, JBAntares might have something to say about that, too… ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/52 "2004-07-15T13:35:23Z")
Sorry to you know get all serious for a second… but your wife makes corsets? :eek: That is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve always loved the look of a corset… does she make them for others also? ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/53 "2004-07-15T14:43:14Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > Sorry to you know get all serious for a second… but your wife makes corsets? :eek: That is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve always loved the look of a corset… does she make them for others also? I’ve never made them for anyone other than myself, but I have helped others make theirs. There’s a really good pattern generator for Elizabethan corsets (I can give you the url), and several different takes on the whole corset pattern depending on what you want (Tudor, Elizabethan, Victorian, Italian Ren). Feel free to use the yahoo messenger (my id is faeriebeth) and we can talk about it outside this thread…where I feel like everyone is looking at me… FB ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/54 "2004-07-15T14:50:27Z")
A lot of that would be no use to me, since alas, I lack a sewing machine. ☹ I know I have Yahoo messenger around here somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/55 "2004-07-15T14:56:34Z")
> [@FaerieBeth](#): > > I feel like everyone is looking at me… Now Bayeth honey, what_ever_ would make you think _that?_ _snigger, snort, giggle_ And I think it’s only the husband of a card-carrying DoL charter member who could sustain a jelly-dong-related injury and feel no shame in proclaiming it to the world. Nice job. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/56 "2004-07-15T15:20:05Z")
I think dressing someone up in a corset and pulling out an 18 inch double headed jelly dong was what Marcellus Wallace was getting at when he said, “get medeival on his ass.” ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/57 "2004-07-15T16:22:21Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Hey, can we call you 18"JB? > > 'course, JBAntares might have something to say about that, too… You most certainly may _not_ name me for a ridiculously oversized…penis effigy!! Hmph!! ::stomps off to corner to wobble bluely:: Honestly, why would reenactors who sew their own corsets and armor own this version of this particular item? Shouldn’t it be, I don’t know, hewn from limestone or something? Wouldn’t varieties of especially large produce be more accurate? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/58 "2004-07-15T16:28:28Z")
I’m reminded of a filk song I heard Diana Paxson sing once, about a statement taken out of context about a new mace the King of the West had bought. The chorus ended with “And it’s fourteen inches long and with rivets studded 'round… _something something_ God Save the Queen…” ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/59 "2004-07-15T16:34:23Z")
> [@jellyblue](#): > > You most certainly may _not_ name me for a ridiculously oversized…penis effigy!! Hmph!! > > ::stomps off to corner to wobble bluely:: > > Shouldn’t it be, I don’t know, hewn from limestone or something? Wouldn’t varieties of especially large produce be more accurate? Limestone chafes. _shudder_ and produce has to be continually restocked or else…well, therer’s just a limited shelf-life. We have to rely on modern, nay, \*\*\*ultra-modern \*\* \* means to ensure that our marital aids are always ready, willing, and yummy. If I recall, there was a Daily Show special report on just tihs subject just a few years ago. The experts all agree. You know, when I began this, I never thought we’d get to 2 pages. Hell, given my track record as threadkiller, I was surprised at more than 2 posts. But now…we’re famous! and btw- JB- you’ve never seen anyone ‘wobble bluely’ until…never mind. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896/60 "2004-07-15T18:14:21Z")
> [@FaerieBeth](#): > > I’ve never made them for anyone other than myself, but I have helped others make theirs. There’s a really good pattern generator for Elizabethan corsets (I can give you the url), and several different takes on the whole corset pattern depending on what you want (Tudor, Elizabethan, Victorian, Italian Ren). Feel free to use the yahoo messenger (my id is faeriebeth) and we can talk about it outside this thread…where I feel like everyone is looking at me… > > FB We’re not looking at you. Okay, yes we are. But we’re just imagining you in a corset! Really! Nothing at all to do with an 18"DHIBJD… 😛 I’m adding you to my yahoo cuz I wanna know where I can get a pattern to make a corset! I’ve wanted one for so long, but never know where to buy one but I figure I’d get better results making it myself… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fyi-a-ladys-corset-provides-minimal-protection-against-a-dildo-attack/254896.md?page=4)