# G-rated insults **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 3, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508 "2012-09-03T02:08:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/1 "2012-09-03T02:08:28Z")
I guess this is a little wierd, but my daughter loves insults. Creative ones, that is. Go stick your head in a bucket, hit twice with the ugly stick, back of the line when the brains were handed out, your mother wears army boots… all that good stuff. Trouble is, her appetite is outstripping my memory. And creativity. Even cheating a little and bowdlerising some rather non-G-rated ones (“go have a nice steaming cup of shut up!”). So come on guys. Insult me! In a family-friendly way, naturally… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/2 "2012-09-03T02:13:31Z")
Your mother wears Army boots, WITHOUT socks! You’re so ugly, they haven’t invented the word yet that says how ugly you are. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/3 "2012-09-03T02:52:24Z")
You’re not as stupid as you look. You really couldn’t be. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/4 "2012-09-03T03:19:10Z")
It wouldn’t be fair for me to get into a battle of wits against an unarmed opponent. Your elevator doesn’t go to the top. You’re a sandwich shy a picnic. You’re not playing with a full deck. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/5 "2012-09-03T03:35:59Z")
Up your nose with a rubber hose! You’re not the brightest bulb on the marquee, are you? When brains were handed out, you were at the front of the line–but you held the door for everybody else. ---
**Author:** ![getitrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@getitrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/getitrite)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/6 "2012-09-03T03:40:23Z")
Your not as bright as you thought you were, that’s why you weren’t called son I know you had an opinion, but until air becomes visible, I can’t see yours Nuff said, Please don’t talk to the hand, its not as patience as I am. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/7 "2012-09-03T03:46:14Z")
You’re a scratch and dent brownie on clearance at a jerry’s kid’s bake sale. ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/8 "2012-09-03T04:18:54Z")
Shut up when you’re talking to me. ---
**Author:** ![Mom-of-Andrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@Mom-of-Andrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mom-of-Andrew)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/9 "2012-09-03T04:25:36Z")
Go take a long walk off a short dock May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits Your looks are out of this world! (Well, at least they’re unearthly…) Were you always this stupid or did you take lessons? From the backwoods section: You’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut. ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/10 "2012-09-03T04:32:41Z")
She ran thru the ugly forest and didn’t miss a tree. Your butt is so smart you could sit on ice cream and tell me what flavor it is. ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/11 "2012-09-03T04:35:25Z")
(To a man): “That’s a nice shirt. Do they sell men’s clothes where you bought it?” ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/12 "2012-09-03T04:43:54Z")
“What a maroon” “What a nincowpoop” “ahhh, your brother blows bubblegum” -Bugs Bunny “That boy’s about as sharp as a bowling ball” “He’s about as sharp as a bowl of jello” -Foghorn Leghorn ---
**Author:** ![Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrogance_ex_machina/32/192_2.png) [@Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogance_Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/13 "2012-09-03T04:51:12Z")
Would any of these Captain Haddock’s [insults](http://www.tintinologist.org/guides/lists/curses.html) from the Tintin books work? ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/14 "2012-09-03T05:00:19Z")
If I had a dog half as ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/15 "2012-09-03T05:23:20Z")
Your teeth are like stars–they come out at night! If you’re going to sing, sing by the window. I’ll help you out. ---
**Author:** ![Reepicheep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/16 "2012-09-03T05:33:12Z")
You are dumber than a box of hair Your grandfather was a rabid weasel and your grandmother was a over ripe mushroom You could not pour water out of your boots with the instruction written on the heel You are several frys short of a happy meal You’re face is so ugly you scare ghosts ---
**Author:** ![Reepicheep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/17 "2012-09-03T05:45:17Z")
from Monty Python Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries You smell strange and your mother dresses you funny You are a pimple on the face of humanity You’re uglier than the north side of a south going horse Go get lost and forget to come back You smell like the dried sop stuck to a pigs ear ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/18 "2012-09-03T05:47:32Z")
May forty ships laden with gold sail into your harbor, and may it not be enough to pay your doctor bill. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/19 "2012-09-03T05:59:48Z")
Hey, nice face. How many clocks did it stop today? ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/20 "2012-09-03T06:00:55Z")
Subtle group insult, stolen from _Roxanne_: “I’d just like to say that I would rather be here with you people, than with the finest people in the world.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508.md?page=2)