# G-rated insults **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 3, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508 "2012-09-03T02:08:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/21 "2012-09-03T06:33:54Z")
Did you mother have any children that lived? ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/22 "2012-09-03T06:39:01Z")
You are so ugly your mum had to tie sausages around your neck to get the dog to play with you. You are so ugly, when you were born the doctor slapped your mother They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. They’re a couple of sheep/cows/kangaroos short in the top paddock They’re a stubbie short of a sixpack. You couldn’t organise a booze up in a brewery. You’re a dumb as a box of hammers/box of rocks You’re as thick as two bricks/two planks ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/23 "2012-09-03T08:02:38Z")
Borrowed from Carnac the Magnificent: May Omar the Tentmaker ply his trade in your nose. May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. May a collie with an upset stomach change the color of your seat cushions. May a camel with a weak bladder find your jellybean jar. May a weird holy man put Easy-Off in your shorts. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/24 "2012-09-03T09:40:44Z")
Dumber than a bag of wet hammers. Crazier than a gay ferret in a pink blender Three cans short of a six pack. Lower than a bow-legged caterpillar. You slack-jawed, toffey nosed, malodorous pervert! If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards. With a face like that, who needs enemies? Go lick a politician! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/25 "2012-09-03T10:54:06Z")
They say you’re as stupid as you’re strong, but _nobody’s_ that strong. Your mother hunted truffles by scent. You were born twins, Mom said drown the dumb one and Daddy blew it. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/26 "2012-09-03T12:24:31Z")
Hey, you guys rock! (no, wait, that’s not right…) ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/27 "2012-09-03T12:53:09Z")
If brains were gasoline, you wouldn’t have enough to power an ant’s motorcycle around the inside of a Cheerio. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/28 "2012-09-03T12:54:01Z")
You are a festering boil on the buttcrack of humanity. When God was handing out brains, you thought he said trains and said you’d take the next one. Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby? You’d make Mother Teresa want to beat children. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/29 "2012-09-03T13:20:45Z")
There’s a little sign between her ears that says Space For rent Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it (for someone yawning) Smart as a small soapdish ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/30 "2012-09-03T14:30:46Z")
When they were handing out brains, you thought they said trains, and said “I want a slow one.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/31 "2012-09-03T14:55:35Z")
You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder! ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/32 "2012-09-03T15:21:38Z")
You’re as dumb as a mailbox. Hey, you’re funny! But then looks aren’t everything. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/33 "2012-09-03T15:24:45Z")
Couldn’t win a debate with a cabbage. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/34 "2012-09-03T15:54:17Z")
> [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](#): > > (To a man): “That’s a nice shirt. Do they sell men’s clothes where you bought it?” I’ve used this and variations on it That’s a nice shirt: … I didn’t know that color came in men’s sizes … Does your wife know you borrowed it? ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/35 "2012-09-03T15:55:58Z")
You have the personality of a soap dish. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/36 "2012-09-03T16:29:35Z")
You got median intelligence, you got moderate talent, I’m a generous man! ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/37 "2012-09-03T16:33:30Z")
May a bird of paradise nest in your nose. Dumber than a box of rocks. Make like a banana and split. Make like a tree and leave. Every party has a pooper, that’s why we invited you. Take a long walk off a short pier. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/38 "2012-09-03T16:52:29Z")
When they were handing out noses you thought they said roses so you asked for a big, red one. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/39 "2012-09-03T16:59:17Z")
Your Momma’s so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out. ---
**Author:** ![getitrite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@getitrite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/getitrite)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/40 "2012-09-03T17:19:11Z")
Your so bright, you thought indecandescent was a prom dress. Your so bright, you thought that when your mendacity was showing it ment your pants were unzipped. Your so bright, you thought oxymoron was a stupid cow. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508.md?page=3)