# G-rated insults **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 3, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508 "2012-09-03T02:08:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/41 "2012-09-03T17:31:14Z")
If you took of your pants and walked on your hands, who could tell the difference? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/42 "2012-09-03T17:34:25Z")
I hope all your babies are born naked! ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/43 "2012-09-03T17:37:20Z")
Yo momma so fat, when she jump in the air, she get stuck. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/44 "2012-09-03T17:39:57Z")
You son of a window dresser! I unclog my nose in your direction! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/45 "2012-09-03T18:23:26Z")
OTTOMH May you grow like an onion, with your head in the ground May you be a chandelier, hanging by day and burning by night (to some one saying something stupid or crazy) Go twist your own head! Go whiz on the ocean! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/46 "2012-09-03T18:27:57Z")
You bead! You acorn! You hindering minimus of knotgrass! (I like my insults Shakespearean.) ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/47 "2012-09-03T18:28:45Z")
You’ve got roughly the I.Q. of a brain-damaged chicken. And that’s a step upward from last time, when you were a mentally-retarded radish. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/48 "2012-09-03T18:34:49Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > You bead! You acorn! You hindering minimus of knotgrass! > > (I like my insults Shakespearean.) He is the master of the insult. I wish I could remember more of his quotes at need. ---
**Author:** ![rsat3acr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a3d4f5/32.png) [@rsat3acr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsat3acr)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/49 "2012-09-03T19:06:26Z")
The reply after they insult you is: I’ve been called worse things by better people. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/50 "2012-09-03T19:49:36Z")
## “Go boil your head” (thanks to P.G. Wodehouse) I heard these two as a child, and think they might be from Jack Benny: “May you lose all your fingers and get a bowling ball for Christmas.” “May a nearsighted barber mistake your tongue for a strop.” ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/51 "2012-09-03T19:51:47Z")
And as long as so many of us are quoting Monty Python, my absolute favorite: “You tiny-brained wiper of other people’s bottoms.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/52 "2012-09-03T21:02:12Z")
My all-time favorite: “That boy ain’t got the good sense God gave a cucumber!” ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/53 "2012-09-03T21:12:01Z")
When God was passing out looks you thought he said books and said, “I’ll take a scary one!” May a thousand porcupines crawl up your butt backwards. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/54 "2012-09-03T21:23:24Z")
You’re so dumb you failed the IQ test You’re so dumb you tried to wake a sleeping bag You’re so ugly you can’t get a date off a calendar You have a keen grasp of the obvious It is obvious that your taste is all in your mouth ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/55 "2012-09-03T21:36:27Z")
Smarter than a speeding bullet! You’ve got a mind like a steel sieve. If stupidity were cornflakes, you’d be General Mills. If ugliness were asphalt, you’d be Route 66. I don’t know how old your daughter is, but maybe she could build a good vocabulary while she’s slinging some euphonic, rhythmic, entertaining invective: You tedious, monotonous, imbecilic son of a motherless GOAT! You could almost make an insult generator with your daughter. Find suitable pungent adjectives (idiotic, repulsive, etc.) and nouns (dipstick, moron, etc.) and then use this formula: adjective, adjective, adjective, noun. Should provide hours of fun. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/56 "2012-09-03T22:23:09Z")
For maximum comedic effect, the word “ugly” should be pronounced “YOO-glee” and spoken in a thick Southern drawl. Also good in a Southern drawl: “That boy needs to get in touch with the masculine side of his personality.” Oscar Wilde’s description of fox-hunting: “The unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable”. I forget whether it was Oscar Wilde or Monty Python who talked about a group of people who were noted for their “well-deserved humility”. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/57 "2012-09-03T22:58:02Z")
ugly? you’d make a freight train take a dirt road! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/58 "2012-09-03T23:30:46Z")
twit twerp maroon ---
**Author:** ![Imago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/85e7bf/32.png) [@Imago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imago)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/59 "2012-09-03T23:49:21Z")
You frog nugget! You noodle-armed daughter of medusa! It looks like you forgot to pay your brain bill. And when I was a tiny kid we used to say: May flaming pencils shoot up your butt at lightning speed! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508/60 "2012-09-04T01:35:48Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > He is the master of the insult. I wish I could remember more of his quotes at need. My fave: A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition. King Lear (2.2.14-24) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/g-rated-insults/633508.md?page=4)