# GAAAAAH! Stop sending me e-mail!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 29, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388 "2001-10-29T23:26:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 12
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)
#### Post date: [October 29, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/1 "2001-10-29T23:26:00Z")
I started on my ISP a long time ago, so I got a fairly basic screen name to use as my address (and no, it’s not AOL and it’s not Esprix). It’s not like it’s “Joe” or something that a million people would want, but evidently, enough people want it that there are variations of it out there - alternate spellings, adding numbers on the end, whatever. Well, this is addressed to the people who hold their accounts.
Look, I realize I got there before you did. Maybe you’re bitter because you couldn’t get the simple, properly spelled name, I don’t know, but the point is, stop being a lazy motherfucker and, when you give our your e-mail address, _give out the right fucking address!_ Include the numbers, make sure they know the spelling, whatever, but I’m sick and tired of getting all your stupid inane mail - e-mails from your professor about your homework, all your stupid fucking friends sending me chain letters and petitions and glurge, your fucking _parents_, whoever. And no, these are not random mailings or spam - these are _real people_ trying to send you mail but I get to read all about your insane life instead. And this isn’t just one of you - I’m getting this from at least three different people _who don’t know how to give people their proper e-mail address!_ And the one or two times I’ve found out your address and sent you e-mail about it (or forwarded the important stuff to you), you _copped a fucking attitude with me!_ All I said was, “Please get in touch with these people and let them know your correct address.” You’re lucky I even bothered to tell you, fuckwad - I’ve been deleting the insignificant stuff, but if something actually seems important, I actually make the effort to find you, so _don’t give me any lip_ you neanderfuck. Oh, and the one perfect gem of a titwipe who sent me back an e-mail asking me if I was gay? _ **Suck my ass** _, you waste of carbon. What the fuck is wrong with you? The best you can hope for by being a kneebiter is that I forward your e-mails to our ISP and get your account terminated - _but then at least I would stop getting your fucking e-mail!_
So, to reiterate - _ **give people your correct fucking e-mail address or I will shove your computer so far up your ass you’ll be coughing up one’s and zero’s until the warranty on your Toshiba 486 runs out, you stupid fucking Luddite!** _
Thank you.
Esprix
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### Author:  [@lenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lenin)
#### Post date: [October 29, 2001, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/2 "2001-10-29T23:43:50Z")
Well, if I was in that situation, I’d take advantage of it. You know what I mean- Spam the innocent people sending to this address with porn ads, blonde/jew jokes, and send “FUCK YOU” mail to the professors.
Make that little bitch pay. 😉
(Note: This is why I have no friends)
-L
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### Author:  [@Shera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shera)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/3 "2001-10-30T01:43:09Z")
I used to get e-mail from people congratulating me on my upcoming wedding, to which my response was “Huh?” So I finally wrote the people back and told them they had the wrong address, and they wrote me back and told me that they were in New Zealand, and that I actually had the exact same e-mail as this other peson (It made sense in his message I swear). Anyways,my point is that after that I never got anymore mail for that person. I don’t know how busy you are or if you have time to try it, but it might work.
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### Author:  [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/4 "2001-10-30T01:53:46Z")
Neanderfuck. Damn that word has a nice ring to it. Can I make it my Insult of the Week ™? 😃 (Of course, now I have to decide whether the correct designation is Homo Sapiens Neanderfuckensis or Homo Neanderfuckensis …)
Can you get this anal tongue-dart with the uncreative email address on some fascinating mailing lists? Can you make sure his friends and profs know? Hmm, maybe I can find an armadillo porn mailing list or two …
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### Author:  [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/5 "2001-10-30T03:13:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lenin \*
> \*\*Well, if I was in that situation, I’d take advantage of it. You know what I mean- Spam the innocent people sending to this address with porn ads, blonde/jew jokes, and send “FUCK YOU” mail to the professors.
>
> Make that little bitch pay. 😉
>
> (Note: This is why I have no friends)
>
> -L \*\*
Agreed, fuck with them.
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### Author:  [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/6 "2001-10-30T03:14:04Z")
Shit, I didnt mean I agreed you have no friends! GAH!
Spam them Esprix, tell them all you hate them, etc, do that.
I am lenins friend.
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### Author:  [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/7 "2001-10-30T03:17:50Z")
I’m sorry **Esprix** , but this is the price you pay for being someone who “rocks”.
::d&r::
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### Author:  [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/8 "2001-10-30T03:35:56Z")
**Lenin** didn’t have any friends???
:: d&r ::
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### Author:  [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/9 "2001-10-30T13:00:06Z")
**Esprix** , you realize that you’re practically _obligated_ to fuck with these people, right?
Some suggestions:
- To the profs: “You actually expect me to do this assignment, considering the crappy treatment you gave this subject during lecture? Take a public speaking course, you biscuithead!”
- To the parents: Write an eloquent “my girlfriend’s pregnant and she’s keeping it” letter. Mention you’ll be home for Thanksgiving to discuss…
- Send all chain letters back to the people who sent them, along with the accompanying “Now you can send out 20 MORE copies, fuckwad.”
- Everybody else should get bestiality porn as a response, with no accompanying explanation. If anyone responds, send another e-mail saying “You liked the collie? Wait’ll I get done downloading this MPEG of your mom and a Shetland pony.”
- Occasionally send out a mass e-mail to anyone who has ever sent you e-mail in error. Make the subject line something to the effect of “Need some assistance here” and ask thought-provoking little questions like “Do you know of anything that can cause a false positive on a home pregnancy test?” or “There’s this strong kinda farty smell coming from the stove in the kitchen. What should I do? I have a vanilla-scented candle…”
\
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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### Author:  [@zut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zut)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/10 "2001-10-30T13:39:17Z")
I hate to say it, but all the earlier suggestions require extra work on **Esprix’s** part, both in formulating specific emails to various individuals and in answering/deleting the inevitable replies (My God! Sally’s pregnant?"). The goal here should be to _decrease_ his workload, rather than increase it. I would suggest that you create a form letter to answer each unsolicited email that goes something like this:
[/quote]
THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN TERMINATED.
Dear Sir/Madam,
The account NOT\_ESPRIX@NOT\_AOL has been TERMINATED for non-compliance with our terms of service. Specifically, the user of this account violated:
Part 2(a) of our user agreement, which states in part that “customer agrees not to use his/her NOT\_AOL account for purposes of dissemating depictions of human/animal sexual relations,” AND
Part 4(b) of our user agreement, which states in part that “customer agrees not to use his/her NOT\_AOL account for a commercial enterprise.”
Please be advised that any further email sent to the account NOT\_ESPRIX@NOT\_AOL will not be delivered, and all email will be answered with this auto-generated message.
[/quote]
There you go. I imagine that after a while you’ll be getting fewer and fewer emails, which is the whole point.
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### Author:  [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/11 "2001-10-30T17:41:39Z")
Oh, **zut** , you’re my new hero… 😃
(Not that the other suggestions weren’t good, mind you…)
Esprix
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### Author:  [@lenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lenin)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gaaaaah-stop-sending-me-e-mail/90388/12 "2001-10-30T20:08:50Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I am lenins friend.
I am happy now. 🙂
If you don’t want to send out porn, Esprix, make everyone believe that this guy is part of some sort of neo-nazi group. Send mails like this:
TO: PROFESSOR@SOMESCHOOL.EDU
FROM: NOT\_ESPRIX@NOT\_AOL.COM
SUBJECT: RE: Homework Assignment change
thanks 4 telling me about the change on the sheet. i have decided to change my paper’s subject to why I love hitler. have u seen this site? the lib. national sociast party at [nazi.org](http://nazi.org). its great!! there so right becuz all jews r dum. nyway, can i write my paper about them and y there so cool?
-not “Himmler” exprix