# Game: Good News/Bad News **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [August 31, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126 "2010-08-31T13:43:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/161 "2010-09-19T20:00:14Z")
The Bad News: You try it in front of the wrong person and end up hung from a yardarm. The good News: Your screenplay just got optioned. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/162 "2010-09-19T20:38:36Z")
The bad news: Now it’ll be in turnaround until… well, forever. The good news: Ye’ve got yerself a pirate keyboard, ye scurvy dog: [http://www.innergeek.us/blog/2007/09/pirate-keyboard.gif](http://www.innergeek.us/blog/2007/09/pirate-keyboard.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Caveat\_lector\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@Caveat\_lector\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caveat_lector_1)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/163 "2010-09-20T02:56:53Z")
The bad news: Its the only keyboard you have, its 3am, and you have a major paper to finish by tomorrow. The good news: You have a talking dog ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/164 "2010-09-20T13:26:52Z")
the bad news: He has Tourette’s syndrome, and he never shuts up! The Good News: The beast who tortured and killed your entire family (including the talking dog) is set to die in the electric chair today. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/165 "2010-09-20T13:28:07Z")
The bad news: You’re pretty sure he’s innocent after all. The good news: You have the mythical Midas touch, but can turn it off and on as you please. ---
**Author:** ![Caveat\_lector\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@Caveat\_lector\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caveat_lector_1)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/166 "2010-09-20T16:35:59Z")
The bad news: You got drunk in a mosh pit, got a bit out of control, and now your in jail for the rest of your life. The good news: You have a jail cell decorated with lots of gold. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/167 "2010-09-20T17:01:53Z")
The bad news: Other felons force you to turn stuff gold. All. The. Time. The good news: You have perfect vision. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/168 "2010-09-20T21:32:53Z")
TBN: You live in an ugly house, are married to an ugly man, have ugly kids and your dog just took this year’s prize for _World’s Ugliest Dog_. TGN: You’ve just found the perfect coffee beans. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2010, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/169 "2010-09-20T23:00:50Z")
TBN: They’re made when the cat that shits coffee beans is boiled in dog oil and fed to baby seals, which are then dried in a mortuary oven and ground into coffee with a pestle made out of an aborted baby’s skull during a special Wiccan holiday at the Bush library which was built on 9/11’s ground zero. TGN: That coffee is on sale this week at Walmart. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/170 "2010-09-21T19:28:31Z")
The bad news: It’s Walmart. The good news: They’re making a movie about your life, and you not only get to approve the final script, but they’re letting you choose who will play you in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/171 "2010-09-21T20:15:19Z")
TBN: It’s being directed by M. Night Shalayman and he keeps hinting that he himself would be the best choice to play you…and you’re female. TGN: You have tickets to see the premiere of Pixar’s new film. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/172 "2010-09-22T02:18:39Z")
The bad news: The early buzz on the movie is that it’s horrible; even Rex Reed calls it “the suckiest Pixar movie ever.” The good news: Rex Reed has been run over by a steamroller. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/173 "2010-09-22T02:27:53Z")
TBN: His head survived and continues to review movies. TGN: According to Rotten Tomatoes, your new film has a “100% guaranteed fresh” rating. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/174 "2010-09-22T13:28:45Z")
The Bad News: You’re being sued by three friends who claim they helped you write the film, so the royalties will be tied up for years. The Good News: Another financial lawsuit has just been decided in your favor. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/175 "2010-09-22T18:39:24Z")
The bad news: The case was decided by the Ulan Bator Sub-District #9 Court, which no one pays any attention to, and the judgments of which are unenforceable. The good news: The 20 strongest, biggest, most badass dudes in the entire world swear that they will protect you against any and all comers. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/176 "2010-09-23T00:09:36Z")
TBN: As long as you are in [the barrel on Tuesdays.](http://www.jokes-news.com/2006/03/25/what-about-tuesday/) TGN: You got the 10th stamp on your card for free coffee and doughnuts on your next visit. (Let’s raise the answer quality a little, shall we? The store is not closing tomorrow, the doughnuts/coffee don’t make you sick nor have you developed an allergy to them, you don’t have diabetes, and you don’t lose the card.) ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/177 "2010-09-23T00:38:27Z")
The bad news: Oh, all right. A falling meteor kills you just as you pull up to the doughnut shop. The good news: The meteor fragment is immediately sold to a natural history museum by your heirs, making them very, very wealthy. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/178 "2010-09-23T00:45:58Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > The bad news: Oh, all right. A falling meteor kills you just as you pull up to the doughnut shop. > > The good news: The meteor fragment is immediately sold to a natural history museum by your heirs, making them very, very wealthy. TBN: Suddenly, lightning strikes everybody in your family at the same time, including all the other heirs, so the money goes to Enron. TGN: You have a lot of Enron stock. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/179 "2010-09-23T02:35:20Z")
The bad news: You just now heard that the company went under nine years ago. The good news: Ignorance can be bliss! ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126/180 "2010-09-23T02:54:42Z")
The bad news: You’re very, very blissful. The good news: Your favorite TV network has decided you are the ultimate target demographic, and they’ve hired you (a healthy fee for a few days’ work) to re-cast their top five shows. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-good-news-bad-news/552126.md?page=10)