# Game : Rewrite the World's Greatest Literature
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [October 8, 2002, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290 "2002-10-08T00:40:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/21 "2002-10-08T15:36:33Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by gex gex \*
> \*\*Everyone knows that if a guy has the money and the power he wants the women. \*\*
Nice one, **gex gex**. I think we can improve it slightly if we make it read:
> [@](#):
>
> Everyone knows that if a guy has the money and the power the women want him.
How about Coleridge?
> [@](#):
>
> In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
> A stately pleasure-dome decree:
> Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
> Through caverns measureless to man
> Down to a sunless sea…
> That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
> And all who heard should see them there
> And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
> His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
> Weave a circle round him thrice,
> And close your eyes with holy dread,
> For he on honey-dew hath fed,
> And drunk the milk of Paradise.
A king built a house.
It was freaky.
I’d like to hear someone do the one with the Albatross.
---
### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/22 "2002-10-08T15:43:30Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by gex gex \*
> \*\*Uhh… how about from _Pride and Prejudice_:
>
> \*It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
>
> However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.\*
>
> Everyone knows that if a guy has the money and the power he wants the women. \*\*
I would translate this instead as “Everyone knows that a dude who’s got money will get the chicks…whether he wants them or not.”
---
### Author:  [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/23 "2002-10-08T16:19:51Z")
**Macbeth** Act 1, Scene 1.
Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches.
First Witch: _When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?_
Second Witch: _When the hurlyburly’s done,
When the battle’s lost and won._
Third Witch: _That will be ere the set of sun._
First Witch: _Where the place?_
Second Witch: _Upon the Heath._
Third Witch: _There to meet with Macbeth._
First Witch: _I come, Graymalkin!_
All: _Paddock calls anon.
Fair is foul, and foul is fair,
Hover through the fog and filthy air._
_Exeunt._
.
.
.
.
.
**Macbeth** Act 1, Scene 1.
Thunder and lightning. Enter three Witches.
First Witch: _When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?_
Second Witch: _Why do we always have to have these pissups when the weather’s so crap?_
Third Witch: _I’m up for it! As long as it’s not too dark._
First Witch: _OK then. Where do you fancy going?_
Second Witch: _The Heath. It’s just been refurbished with faux 11th century decor. Ther Dunsinane Gazette gave it Rave Reviews._
Third Witch: _Will Mac be there?_
First Witch: _Sounds good. I’m in._
All: _Hang on. The phone’s ringing. It’s my toad. Six of one and half a dozen of the other really. I’ll tell him to bugger off._
_Exeunt._
---
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/24 "2002-10-08T16:43:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Humble Servant \*
> \*\*I’d like to hear someone do the one with the Albatross. \*\*
A sailor in a graveyard boring everyone to death.
---
### Author:  [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/25 "2002-10-08T18:24:41Z")
The Lady of Shallot, by Alfred Lord Tennyson
…
Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly;
Down to tower’d Camelot;
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, " 'Tis the fairy
The Lady of Shalott."
There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott…"
The Lady of Shallot, by Kn\*ckers:
The Lady of Shallot was singing and weaving a blanket. She knew she wasn’t supposed to look at Camelot, so she didn’t. She was okay with that.
---
### Author:  [@Fingolfin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fingolfin)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/26 "2002-10-08T18:32:13Z")
**The Silmarillion**
_There was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Illuvatar; and he made first the Aninur, the Holy Ones, that were the offspring of his thought, and they were with him before aught else was made. And he spoke to them, propounding to them themes of music; and they sang before him, and he was glad. But for a long while they sang only each alone, or but few together, while the rest hearkened; for each comprehended only that part of the mind of Illuvatar from which he came, and in the understanding of their brethren they grew but slowly. Yet ever as they listened they came to deeper understanding, and increased in unison and harmony._
There was this supreme being who…
I’m sorry guys, I just can’t do it. I can’t dumb down Tolkiens worlds. Someone else can continue if they like.
---
### Author:  [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/27 "2002-10-08T19:22:59Z")
**panamajack** ,
I actually like yours better!
Here’s _The Canturbury Tales_
Whan that aprill with his shoures soote
The droghte of march hath perced to the roote,
And bathed every veyne in swich licour
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan zephirus eek with his sweete breeth
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
Tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
Hath in the ram his halve cours yronne,
And smale foweles maken melodye,
That slepen al the nyght with open ye
(so priketh hem nature in hir corages);
Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages,
And palmeres for to seken straunge strondes,
To ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes;
And specially from every shires ende
Of engelond to caunterbury they wende,
The hooly blisful martir for to seke,
That hem hath holpen whan that they were seeke.
In the spring, people get restless. A lot of them go to Canterbury.
---
### Author:  [@mattymillhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mattymillhouse)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/28 "2002-10-08T20:19:13Z")
catcher in the rye:
“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”
my version:
“Whatever.”
---
### Author:  [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/29 "2002-10-08T20:25:31Z")
One from a problem in my chemistry textbook:
Explain the meaning of the following from \* The Rime of the Ancient Mariner \*:
Water, water, everywhere,
And not a drop to drink,
Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink
In other words, the osmotic gradient of the saltwater sucked what fresh water was left in the boards of the ship, just as it would you if you tried to drink seawater.
---
### Author:  [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)
#### Post date: [October 8, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/30 "2002-10-08T21:01:36Z")
Most of Shakespeare’s [plays](http://www.quicksilverweb.net/BE/BEShakespeare.htm) and a few of his [sonnets](http://www.quicksilverweb.net/BE/BESonnets.htm) boiled down to a line apiece, with a few expletives added for spice.
Also, although my French Lit teacher seems to think she’s stretching analysis of the opening of Stendhal’s _Le Rouge et le noir_ over a week of classes, I can spare y’all the trouble of reading it by simplifying it thusly:
Chapter One: So there’s this pretty town, right, with a big factory in it.
Chapter Two: And the mayor’s a dick.
---
### Author:  [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2002, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/31 "2002-10-09T11:54:36Z")
**The Outsider/ Le Estranger by Albert Camus:**
meh!
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2002, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/32 "2002-10-09T14:18:27Z")
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more.”
I was up late reading porn when someone knocked at my door
Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,.
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,
Nameless here forevermore.
I was up late reading porn, cause my baby left me in heartbreak hotel
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
" 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.
This it is, and nothing more."
The curtains are blowing, I’m getting all paranoid. It just must be bad weed. Plus, what’s up with the dude who’s banging on my door?
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you.” Here I opened wide the door;—
Darkness there, and nothing more.
F\*cking trick-or-treaters
Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
Lenore?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,
“Lenore!” Merely this, and nothing more.
\< a la Marlon Brando in **A Streetcar named Desire** \> Leee-norrrrreee!
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,
“Surely,” said I, “surely, that is something at my window lattice.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more.”
Great, now those f\*cking trick-or-treaters are at the gawddamned window
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.
Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Hey! It ain’t a trick-or-treater! It’s a gawddamned bird, and it’s standing on my statue!
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou,” I said, “art sure no craven,
Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore.
Tell me what the lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore.”
Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”
Me: “Hey bird! Whaaasssup?”
Bird: “Nevermore.”
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door,
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as “Nevermore.”
Th’ hell does “Nevermore” have to do with “Whaaasssup?”. Oh. It’s his name.
But the raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered;
Till I scarcely more than muttered, “Other friends have flown before;
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.”
Then the bird said, “Nevermore.”
Th’ damned bird’s not sayin’ nothin’ else.
Me: “But you’ll leave me like everyone else does.”
Bird: “Nevermore”
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
“Doubtless,” said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master, whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster, till his songs one burden bore,—
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of “Never—nevermore.”
Didn’t the dumbass who taught th’ bird to talk teach 'im more than one damned word?
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore –
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”
I pulled up a chair and stared at th’ bird. 's amazing what seems like a good idea when you’re toked.
Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o’er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o’er
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
When you gaze at the bird, the bird also gazes at you. Nietzsche said that, didn’t he? Plus, the sofa’s pretty.
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
“Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee – by these angels he hath
Sent thee respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, O quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!”
Quoth the raven, “Nevermore!”
_sniff. Ssnnnnnnnnniffffffff?_ Ok, did someone cut one?
Me: You cut one, didn’t you?
Bird: Nevermore!
“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!–prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted–
On this home by horror haunted–tell me truly, I implore:
Is there–is there balm in Gilead?–tell me–tell me I implore!”
Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”
Me: Damned bird, you cut one! Anyway, will things ever be groovy again?
Bird: Nevermore
“Prophet!” said I, "thing of evil–prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that heaven that bends above us–by that God we both adore–
Tell this soul with sorrow laden, if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden, whom the angels name Lenore—
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels name Lenore?
Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”
Me: That answer sucked. Fine. If I snuff myself, will I be with Lenore?
Bird: Nevermore
“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting–
“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! – quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”
Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”
Me: Dude, you’re bumming me out. Get lost.
Bird: Nevermore
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!
And so th’ damned bird is still sitting on top of my statue, staring at me and when’ll I stop being bummed out? Nevermore.
Edgar Allan Fenris
---
### Author:  [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/33 "2002-10-09T14:52:43Z")
**Humble Servant** :
> [@](#):
>
> Everyone knows that if a guy has the money and the power the women want him.
Agreed… yours is better. I was trying to preserve Austen’s irony, but I guess I needed another sentence for that. Although **Lamia** ’s version does get nicely to the point 🙂
---
### Author:  [@ralphthemuppet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralphthemuppet)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2002, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/34 "2002-10-09T15:51:10Z")
Original
“And as he spoke his spirit left him and flitted away down to Hades, weeping for the youth and manhood it must leave”
a la me
He kicked the bucket
---
### Author:  [@tritone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tritone)
#### Post date: [October 9, 2002, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/35 "2002-10-09T16:55:33Z")
I’m loving this thread, but just to let y’all know it’s been done before, here’s George Eliot’s take on Hamlet:
“Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, was speculative and irresolute, and we have a great tragedy in consequence. But if his father had lived to a good old age and his uncle had died an early death, we can conceive Hamlet’s having married Ophelia and got through life with a reputation of sanity, notwithstanding many soliloquies and some moody sarcasms towards the fair daughter of Polonius, to say nothing of the frankest incivility to his father-in-law.”
from _The Mill on the Floss_, book 6, chapter 6. Yay, Mary Ann, say I 🙂
---
### Author:  [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2002, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/36 "2002-10-10T09:31:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story.
>
> It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye! Yes, it was this! One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture – a pale blue eye with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me my blood ran cold, and so by degrees, very gradually, I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye for ever. \*
I’m not crazy! The dude’s eye was freakin’ me out so I _had_ to whack 'im!
---
### Author:  [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2002, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/37 "2002-10-10T12:31:26Z")
> [@](#):
>
> -
>
> 001:001 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
>
> 001:002 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was
> upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon
> the face of the waters.
>
> 001:003 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
>
> 001:004 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the
> light from the darkness.
>
> 001:005 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called
> Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
>
> 001:006 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the
> waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
>
> 001:007 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were
> under the firmament from the waters which were above the
> firmament: and it was so.
>
> 001:008 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the
> morning were the second day.
>
> 001:009 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered
> together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it
> was so.
>
> 001:010 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together
> of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
>
> 001:011 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb
> yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his
> kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
>
> 001:012 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed
> after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in
> itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
>
> 001:013 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
>
> 001:014 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the
> heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for
> signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
>
> 001:015 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to
> give light upon the earth: and it was so.
>
> 001:016 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the
> day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars
> also.
>
> 001:017 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light
> upon the earth,
>
> 001:018 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the
> light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
>
> 001:019 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
>
> 001:020 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving
> creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth
> in the open firmament of heaven.
>
> 001:021 And God created great whales, and every living creature that
> moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their
> kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that
> it was good.
>
> 001:022 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and
> fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the
> earth.
>
> 001:023 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
>
> 001:024 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature
> after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the
> earth after his kind: and it was so.
>
> 001:025 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle
> after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth
> after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
>
> 001:026 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our
> likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,
> and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over
> all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth
> upon the earth.
>
> 001:027 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God
> created he him; male and female created he them.
>
> 001:028 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and
> multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have
> dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the
> air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
>
> 001:029 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing
> seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree,
> in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it
> shall be for meat.
>
> 001:030 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air,
> and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there
> is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was
> so.
>
> 001:031 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was
> very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
>
> 002:001 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host
> of them.
>
> 002:002 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made;
> and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he
> had made.
>
> 002:003 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because
> that in it he had rested from all his work which God created
> and made.
> \*
God put in a 40 hour week, did a shift of OT, and relaxed all day Sunday. All in all, it was a pretty good week.
---
### Author:  [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)
#### Post date: [October 10, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/38 "2002-10-10T15:17:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by gex gex \*
> \*\ ***Humble Servant** Although **Lamia** ’s version does get nicely to the point 🙂 \*\*
Yeah, I like **Lamia’s** too.🙂
---
### Author:  [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/39 "2002-10-11T02:06:17Z")
“It was the best of the times, it was the worst of times…(etc.)…
And there was a mad bloodthirsty clown, who beckoned innocent children into the streets and swallowed them whole.”
“It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done…it is a far, far better BUTT-KICKING I give than I have ever buttkicked before!!!”
---
### Author:  [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)
#### Post date: [October 11, 2002, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-rewrite-the-worlds-greatest-literature/131290/40 "2002-10-11T02:14:10Z")
Yossarian thought “My CO wants to kill me, everyone else in the book is dead, and a whacked-out prostitute is trying to kill me. Fuck this, I’m moving to Sweden.” and he ran like Hell.
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