A coyote paints a tunnel on the side of a huge rock. A road runner runs into it at full speed and is knocked unconscious. The coyote eats the bird.
Ashley breaks his engagement to Melanie and he and Scarlett elope and move to Boston.
I give it six months.
Anne survives her bout with typhus, as she is rescued by the Allies just after she arrives at Auschwitz. After being reunited with her father, he hands her her diary. She adds a last line.
“Fuck what I said before. Some people are just evil.”
“Three, if she cooks.” (Name that movie!!!)
During WW2, scientists pump a scrawny kid named Steve Rogers full of chemicals, turning him into a muscular super soldier.
It turns out the chemicals were just plain old steroids. Rogers flunks a urine test, is dishonorably discharged, and sent home. America wins the war anyway with plain old humans carrying plain old guns, and the government decides to scrap the whole stupid “super soldier” program.
After a deadly, nearly indestructible alien kills dozens of astronauts, a Vice President of a major defense contracting firm proposes catching a few speciments and developing them into bio-weapons.
The CEO smirks, “Yeah, that’s just what the Pentagon needs. Freaking giant alien bugs that will kill THEIR men just as quickly as they will the Russians. You’re a moron, you know that? You’re fired.”
The End
Am I bad person for LOLing at this?
A Romulan doesn’t come from further in the future in a giant space ship to make everything so bleak and angry. James Kirk works his way up through the ranks and becomes captain of the Starship Enterprise through hard work and unorthodox thinking as opposed to some sort of claptrap about destiny. All the extra lights on the Enterprise are turned off because they’re right at eye level and bugging the f*ck out of everyone.
Or, a Romulan spaceship does come back in time, just in time to warn his people of impending disaster. The people of Romulus are evacuated to nearby colonies. Vulcans assist in the evacuation, helping to heal the rift between the two cultures.
Even better.
A San Francisco Police Lt and his underling take a mafia informant and hide him without telling anybody else where he is. 48 hrs later they drop him off at the court house with a massive police escort. Four blocks away, two dudes in a Dodge Charger are pulled over for illegally parking and arrested on outstanding warrants, no hubcaps were lost.
A non-disgruntled, uncorrupted cop not from Brooklyn and without a drinking problem doesn’t get into a firefight on the streets and doesn’t accidentally kill a child and is not consequently driven into retirement for those non-existent circumstances and does not renounce firearms for same. Therefore, he does not become a private detective and does not embark on an inexplicable series of dangerous events for the pity of an attractive woman and does not ironically use a firearm to save the day in the end. Audiences are not left wanting and disgruntled themselves because the movie didn’t used every fucking trope in the industry to re-tell a story so fucking overplayed.
A psychotic serial killer kidnaps a woman and tortures her to death while sending a live video feed to the Internet as the cops watch helplessly as they cannot find him. He wears a hood so no one can recognize him. The next day he gets run over by a speeding bus and no one ever figures out who did it, or why.
A giant spider is discovered in an enormous cavern, but like your 5th grade science teacher said, its exo-skeleton is too heavy for it to move. The townspeople all kill it.
A giant ape is discovered on a fog-bound island, but since there’s no female ape anywhere around, it’s ignored and dies 20 years later without having reproduced. The villagers are relocated to another island.
A giant fire-breathing lizard is awakened from his icy slumber and, depending which nationality you believe, stomps flat Tokyo or NYC. However, since it needs to eat approximately 150 humans worth of calories daily, it dies of starvation within the week. The army is served Giant-lizard stew for the next 4 months.
A thief in 1941 Casablanca is shot and killed while trying to kill a German diplomatic messenger and steal the Letters of Transit he’s carrying.
sounds like Matt Scudder. Is there a movie of one of the books?
Yeah, it was just released: Liam Neeson plays Scudder in A Walk Among the Tombstones and my post was prompted after watching it. It was entertaining from an action perspective, but so, so trite.
An earth woman is never seduced by an alien. She never has a kid who grows up to lead a rag tag group of aliens to capture a MacGuffin from another evil alien but then again, that guy with the MacGuffin will never affect what’s going on here. We’re all on Earth and far away from anything that’s going on out there. Right?
Madman calls the hero cop and says there’s a bomb on a bus that will arm if the bus goes above 50. Cop doubles over in laughter, tells the madman that nothing gets that fast on an LA freeway and hangs up.