# Game - Which would win in a fight? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682 "2002-09-02T16:08:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/61 "2002-09-07T07:31:52Z")
**Rush Limbaugh and friends vs. Borris Yeltsin and a bottle of vodka?** Boris would down the bottle, and start calling Rush and pals “Moose and Squirrel”. In the ensuing laughter, Boris’d smash the empty bottle and gut them all with it. Boris wins! **Voyager’s EMH vs Red Dwarf’s Rimmer** Rimmer exhausts the EMH’s battery power with tales of “Risk” dice rolls. next up, **BBSs** vs. **EZBoards**? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/62 "2002-09-07T07:59:34Z")
EZBoards wins due to a no-show. I haven’t seen a BBS in years (ah, the days of Procomm Plus!). The Magic of Oil Painting guy vs. The Joy of Oil Painting guy ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/63 "2002-09-07T21:05:05Z")
Uhh… One of those guys is dead right now, so the other guy wins. Buddy Lee vs The Energizer Bunny ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/64 "2002-09-07T21:52:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \* > \*\*EZBoards wins due to a no-show. I haven’t seen a BBS in years (ah, the days of Procomm Plus!). > The Magic of Oil Painting guy vs. The Joy of Oil Painting guy \*\* Ummm, it’s **The Joy of Painting.** And Bob Ross, (the Joy of Painting guy) wins because he has “happy little trees,” but before he found Christ, he was a **serious** hellraiser. That **old person smell** VS. that **new car smell.** ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2002, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/65 "2002-09-07T23:01:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\* > > Ummm, it’s **The Joy of Painting.** > > And Bob Ross, (the Joy of Painting guy) wins because he has “happy little trees,” but before he found Christ, he was a **serious** hellraiser. > > That **old person smell** VS. that **new car smell.** \*\* Thanks for setting me straight. Who was the old guy with the “mighty trees”? I would think he would win for having more combat-ready trees. Old person smell NEVER goes away. It wins by endurance. Mork from Ork vs. ALF ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/66 "2002-09-08T02:08:33Z")
Alf – given how hairy Mork is, he’d assume Mork was a cat and eat him. The Stones or the Beatles? ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/67 "2002-09-08T03:22:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by twickster47 \* > \*\*The Stones or the Beatles? \*\* Stones, by strength of numbers. Lennon’s dead, McCartney’s too much of a wuss to fight, that leaves just two Beatles. How about a contest for global domination between two individuals who really, really want it: **The Brain** , from _Pinky and the Brain_ or **Baby Stewie** , from _Family Guy_ ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/68 "2002-09-08T03:23:12Z")
The Stones, 'cause Keith is truly a _bad motherfucker_. Anyone who has done **that** much heroin and lived cannot be beaten. Wrigley’s **Doublemint** gum Vs. Wrigley’s **Big Red** gum ---
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/69 "2002-09-08T04:24:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Buddy Lee vs The Energizer Bunny Energizer Bunny, he beats him like a drum > [@](#): > > Stones, by strength of numbers. Lennon’s dead, McCartney’s too much of a wuss to fight, that leaves just two Beatles. If Paul wont fight, that only leaves Ringo, as John and George have both passed on. > [@](#): > > The Brain, from Pinky and the Brain > > or > > Baby Stewie, from Family Guy Stewie gets the early upper hand, as he zaps Brain into ashes. But Brain comes back to try to take over the world the next week, this time by crawling into Stewie’s ear and eating till he hits grey matter. > [@](#): > > Wrigley’s Doublemint gum Vs. Wrigley’s Big Red gum Big Red passes out as the twins make the blood move to his, uh, big red. **Race Bannon of Johnny Quest** vs **Racer X of Speed Racer**??? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/70 "2002-09-08T17:30:35Z")
Draw. Both would end up being gay lovers. The Bionic Woman vs Seven of Nine ---
**Author:** ![Roadwalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@Roadwalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadwalker)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/71 "2002-09-08T18:12:10Z")
The Bionic Woman was sort of a crybaby if I remember correctly. 7 of 9 can indure that tight uniform she would win. Yoda vs. Gandalf. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/72 "2002-09-08T19:05:35Z")
Yoda, because he can channel Fozzie Bear. Elmer Fudd vs. Yosemite Sam ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/73 "2002-09-08T22:56:53Z")
Yosemite Sam, obviously. A pineapple vs. a flamingo ---
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/74 "2002-09-09T07:34:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by twickster47 \* > \*\* > A pineapple vs. a flamingo \*\* Good one! 🙂 I’ll go with a pineapple, as there’s no way a flamingo could swallow it without getting hurt, with all the spikey leaves and stuff. Two golden tamarin monkeys with pen knives vs. an angry drunk guy from Seattle? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/75 "2002-09-09T13:46:45Z")
Ultimately, the monkeys with knives. At first the Drunk will swagger and bellow, tossing and kicking the monkeys around, until one monkey gets in a lucky shot by nicking the drunk’s nut sack. At which point the drunk will end up being flenced within 30 seconds. John McClane (Die Hard) vs Ash (Evil Dead1,2,& Army of Darkness) ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/76 "2002-09-09T14:04:20Z")
John McClaine, using lighter fluid. Joan Rivers Vs Shirley McClaine? ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/77 "2002-09-10T00:19:33Z")
Joan, since after all of the plastic surgery, she is more machine then human. Therefore her metal exoskeleton would be impervious to Shirley’s kicks and punches. Then Joan would lean in and rip Shirley’s throat open with her mouth and that would be it. Axl Rose Vs. Vince Neil Oh yeah, you aren’t just supposed to say who wins, you are also supposed to say **why** they would win. That is half the fun of this exercise ---
**Author:** ![New\_Improved\_Scott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f17d59/32.png) [@New\_Improved\_Scott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Improved_Scott)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/78 "2002-09-10T17:47:05Z")
Axl, he gave up the hairspray first, and Vince is still overly flamable. One cigarette ash and, “Phoop!” up in flames he goes. Col. Sanders vs. Foghorn Leghorn ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/79 "2002-09-10T18:01:31Z")
Foghorn Leghorn. A rooster which regularly beats up on guard dogs can surely beat a dead senior citizen. Spam vs Hamsters ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682/80 "2002-09-10T22:20:06Z")
Spam. It has the backing of the famous Monty Python skit. “Hamster” was only used once in a French taunting. Archie Bunker vs. Al Bundy [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/game-which-would-win-in-a-fight/126682.md?page=5)