# Gap babies, check in! (Birth order, not clothing) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 4, 2010, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582 "2010-09-04T09:30:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/21 "2010-09-05T21:12:21Z")
Brother was born in '76, I was born in '86. He was going to university when I started grade 4. He just had his first baby today, I feel like I haven’t fully left the nest even though I moved out a few years ago. I concur with **norinew** , there were a lot of times I felt like an only child. He left when I was 8 and he moved back to the same city when I was 16. Those 8 years were very odd, he was like a relative we just visited every once in a while. I had forgotten many of those early years we spent bonding before he graduated high school. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/22 "2010-09-05T21:53:53Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > **Omega** , there’s no poll here. Say what you want to say; I’m just looking for anecdotes. > > And yes, I was replying to you (although not combatively). **norine** has said in other threads that **mudgirl** is “almost eleven,” and if she’s only been alone for a year, that means she spent ~10 years living with at least one sibling. To me, that is a substantial amount of time. The second of my two sisters left when I was barely 5. From my perspective, **mudgirl** is merely the youngest. She was old enough, when the middle daughter left, to know what was what, as opposed to me who only found out that Jan wasn’t coming back when I asked when she was bringing the TV back. Suppose there was only a four-year gap, and **mudgirl** was alone only from age 14 on. Would that make her an only child for four years? I’m holding with **septima** here: if you have siblings, you’re not an only. And unless the parents have all multiples, someone will be the youngest. > > As for your case, well, having only one older sibling is different too. There are so many variables in this! I think it’s worse in cases where there are two or more children already when Oopsie comes along. It can happen, although I’m not saying it always does, that the older siblings end up putting aside their differences and allying themselves against the newbie. And that doesn’t always get resolved either. Okay, I’ve seen the mods admonish people to give their answers and move on, so I just wanted to be careful here. I can see what you mean about **norinew** ’s case, and was speaking more generally on the topic. There definitely can be a lot of variables, and I can see how things would be different in a family where there were already several siblings or gap baby was a surprise (though of course that doesn’t mean unwanted) and in my family’s case where the GB arrived as a result of being on an adoption waiting list for years. In our situation, everyone had quite some time to prepare for the idea, instead of being settled into the idea of being finished parenting in X number of years, then suddenly finding that the date had been pushed back eighteen years. Then there are all the different personalities - if the much older sibling is the type that feels it’s okay to tease the younger one, there’s going to be a much different dynamic than there would be if the two were only a couple of years apart in age. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2010, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/23 "2010-09-05T22:13:11Z")
Franklin Roosevelt was a gap baby and a pretty extreme example of one. His only sibling was his brother James, who was 28 years older than him. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/24 "2010-09-07T16:38:23Z")
My brothers were born in 53 & 54, I was born in 67. I was a “replacement” baby though - there was another brother who was born in 59 & died in 65. My parents had another baby in 69. My sister is a gap baby as well - she was born in 79, when the rest of us were 26, 25, 12, & 10. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/25 "2010-09-12T20:06:14Z")
Another thing to bear in mind is that parents of an only child have never raised a kid before. Parents of a gap baby have BTDT. So a lot depends on whether their attitude is “Now I can enjoy being a parent” or “Shit, I gotta go through THIS again.” ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/26 "2010-09-12T20:35:20Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > My brothers were born in 53 & 54,[…] My sister is a gap baby as well - she was born in 79 My father was born in '53, my younger brother in '79 🙂 Quite an amazing spread of ages in your family! My ex-SIL was born after an 11 year gap, and another sister came along two years after that. They were like two separate families - the oldest two, the boys, were raised predominately in the US by a fairly young mother and father, the girls were raised in Australia by an older single mother (and later, a step-father). Money wasn’t a problem for the older kids, but was tightly budgeted for the younger ones. The older kids got to travel a lot and see quite a bit of the world, the younger ones didn’t set foot on a plane between 1991 and 2002. The boys were the only two siblings in their family, the girls were two among ten kids, counting a selection of half- and step-siblings. There is still closeness between the siblings, but their childhoods were so very different. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/27 "2010-09-12T22:54:28Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Another thing to bear in mind is that parents of an only child have never raised a kid before. Parents of a gap baby have BTDT. So a lot depends on whether their attitude is “Now I can enjoy being a parent” or “Shit, I gotta go through THIS again.” True, that. One of the reasons I was able to enjoy my youngest more is that by then, I had a good grasp of the idea of “this too shall pass”. When you are a new parent, it often seems that whatever damnable phase your baby/kid is in (whether it’s the colic of the first months or the ‘Terrible Twos’), is going to go on _forever_. Even with my first one, I didn’t really internalize that this isn’t true. By my third one, though, I was able to step back (metaphorically speaking) and say “OK, this sucks, but I know it’s only temporary” or “As magical as this is, I’d better cherish it because it’s only temporary”. Really helped a lot. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/28 "2010-09-13T11:16:36Z")
My two older siblings were born in 68 and 73, and I was born in 83, so there’s a bit of a gap between all of us. Because of the ten year gap between one sibling and I, we’re still figuring out a comfortable relationship as adult siblings. With the other one, it’s a bit easier because he wasn’t going through the awkward teenager stuff when I was in elementary school, so we spent more time together when we were younger. I’m always going to be the little kid sister, but it’s easier to remind the oldest that I’m an adult and capable of caring for myself than it is to remind the middle child of the same. ---
**Author:** ![BleizDu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BleizDu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BleizDu)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/29 "2010-09-13T15:26:17Z")
I’m a gap baby, my brothers were pretty much out of the house by the time I was 4-6yo. I have a 10 years difference with the youngest, 12 with the other. They left school and home early to work so for the vast majority of my life, I was the only kid at home. My brothers have friends whom, when I met them, didn’t even known they had another sibling. And as others, there were a difference in class between how my parents live when my brothers were kids, and how they lived when I grew up, they were much well off by then. Like others, I also saw myself as an only child, though I can see there are difference between me and a real only child. (I was the third kid, and born female, so all the family was really happy) ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/30 "2010-09-13T15:30:57Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > > [@muldoonthief](#): > > > > My brothers were born in 53 & 54,[…] My sister is a gap baby as well - she was born in 79 > > My father was born in '53, my younger brother in '79 🙂 Quite an amazing spread of ages in your family! Yeah, we’re a mess. My mother was a gap baby also (12 years younger than her nearest sibling), so my kids have relatives older than them, but who are 2 generations “below” them. My youngest sister hasn’t had any kids yet, but if she waits a few more years, we’ll probably hit a 3 generation age inversion. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/31 "2010-09-13T15:32:04Z")
Eldest sister- 1948 Next sister- 1956 Next sister 1959 Me- 1967 18.5 years from eldest to youngest. Same mom and dad, one marriage. My mom had kids in her 20s, 30s and 40s and in the decades of the 40s, 50s and 60s. Remarkable. I am actually closer in age (by 6 mos) to my eldest nephew that my closest sibling. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/32 "2010-09-14T05:18:02Z")
My sisters and I are fairly normal (1/77, 9/78, and me 1/80). BUT, my half brother was born when I was probably 21 or 22. My half sister was born when I was 24 or 25. I’ve never met either of them even though I lived only about 30 miles away for the first 5 or 6 years of their lives. My parents divorced when I was 3 and I had very little (not little enough for me though) contact with my dad. I was at his wedding to his third wife but I haven’t seen either of them since and have no desire to. I feel no actual attachment of any kind to my brother or sister. I have no longing to meet them and be a sister to them. If they want to meet me when they’re older (assuming they even know that they have 3 adult sisters), then I’ll definitely indulge them. I wonder if they know that they have nephew who is older than them and in the case of my sister, a niece who is her age. If they had been born to my mother, I have no doubt that I’d be very close to them. When I was in elementary school, one of my classmates was actually uncle to my (older) sister’s best friend. He was 2 years younger than his niece. At the time, I had trouble wrapping my head around it. Now, it doesn’t seem so odd to me. My mother’s younger brother has 5 children. Their ages are (estimated because I don’t know them very well) 33, 30, 25 or 26, 21, 12. I’m pretty certain on the first 2 ages because they’re similar in age to my oldest sister and to me. I know the 3rd kid was born not too long after her brother and me. My mother’s younger sister has 2 children. The older daughter is 33 also (first 3 kids in my generation were all born within 10 months of each other). The younger one just turned 21. Other than my father, the rest of his family is normal (and the contrast isn’t just due to age gaps). ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582/33 "2010-09-14T06:37:02Z")
Gaps, I has 'em. Oldest son (of four), 26 years older than youngest son. I had one son in each of the last four decades of the 20th century. Last three with my husband, who has the same claim with the last three and his daughter from a previous marriage. (However, being a guy, he could just go on and on and keep doing this, although he’d have to find somebody younger.) ETA: I once commented to a friend that my youngest was “effectively” an only child, his nearest brother being 13 years old when he was born. Said nearest brother, who was sitting in the car, heard me, and locked me out of the car. But really it was more like the kid had 4 parents. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gap-babies-check-in-birth-order-not-clothing/552582.md?page=1)