# Gar. Single Again, Advice Needed (Online dating, etc) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680 "2005-11-12T04:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/21 "2005-11-15T04:47:11Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I met my husband through loveataol (which is no longer around). I think you met him, **Rebekkah** , at the Calgary Gun-Totin’ Dopefest. He’s just a nice, normal guy who didn’t meet many eligible women in real life, just like I didn’t meet many eligible men in real life. I would recommend online dating to anybody - you only go on dates with people who fit your requirements (non-smoker, non-drinker, wants kids, doesn’t want kids, whatever), and save a lot of wasted time that way. > > By the way, we _do_ have a couple of single friends - please post your profile, and we’ll see what we can do. 😃 lol… well, I’m Lili\_Marlene on lavalife, as of two days ago. I appreciate the help. As for the reluctance to e-mail some one first… it’s partially not wanting to seem desparate and partially not wanting to be rejected, I suppose. But really, what does it matter if a stranger doesn’t like me, right? I’m working myself up to actually e-mailing someone. I definately need to work on my profile though. My tagline sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/22 "2005-11-15T05:06:31Z")
> [@ParentalAdvisory](#): > > Craigslist. Heh, I just took a look (yeah, I’ll admit it) and I found [this](http://tallahassee.craigslist.org/m4w/109924020.html) (NSFW). If you make it through all the vulgarity, the last paragraph makes it worthwhile. Hit 'em up! And **Rebekkah** , I’m about to be going through it right along with you. Best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/23 "2005-11-15T15:36:06Z")
> [@Rebekkah](#): > > \ > As for the reluctance to e-mail some one first… it’s partially not wanting to seem desparate and partially not wanting to be rejected, I suppose. But really, what does it matter if a stranger doesn’t like me, right? I’m working myself up to actually e-mailing someone.\ You’re on a dating site because you’re looking for a man, he’s on the dating site because he’s looking for a woman - not a lot of guesswork here. 🙂 Email every likely candidate you see. Seriously. It’s a lot like posting here - I was so nervous the first couple times I posted, and now it’s just a lot of fun. It’s a unique thrill to come home from work and there are five emails in your inbox from new guys. Go for it! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/24 "2005-11-15T18:48:56Z")
I’m a guy, and I would love for a woman to email me on one of those sites. It’s happened infrequently, and mostly from women on other continents. When I do get an email from someone, I almost always reply and see where it leads. Usually nowhere though, in all honesty–just like when I start them. You might wanna try this. Instead of sending some guy a real long letter, just send a quick little note. Something like…“Hey, I really like that cd you mentioned, when’s their next one coming out??” …something not so obvious…maybe?? Guys are so used to sending out dozens of messages and getting nothing in return that when they do gets something, they’re sure to respond. Then again, taking advice from me about dating is like taking advice from…well, you know. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/25 "2005-11-16T19:59:55Z")
Lest I confuse anyone when I check in on this thread, I’ve changed my user name 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/26 "2005-11-16T21:28:38Z")
I can’t address the current state of online dating, but I did meet my husband online way back in 1996. Wish you were in Minnesota, though. Have a friend who is in the same boat! ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/27 "2005-11-19T03:36:10Z")
Ok, so I signed up on lavalife (my current user name is the same on that site)… I made the mistake of filling out the intimate profile. I didn’t realize this was a license for virtually illiterate men to solicite me for no strings attached sex. Good lord. Were, oh were are you, my geeky, dark haired male who wouldn’t send a woman an anonymous IM that reads “water is boiling babe”… Jeepers, I hate cuddling as much as the next girl, but a little finesse helps sometimes! (rapidly becoming frustrated with online dating) ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/28 "2005-11-19T03:37:45Z")
apparently learning how to spell where, that’s where. Stupid fingers. /duh. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/29 "2005-11-19T07:23:53Z")
Oy indeed! **Lili Marlene** , run, don’t walk, out of that lavalife-section. I’ve been there, by mistake, like you, and it made me feel dirt-cheap. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/30 "2005-11-19T08:23:05Z")
Well, if you ever move to Ottawa, I’ll introduce you to a really good friend of mine. (employed, even!) Otherwise, I got nothing. … man, I hope I never have to do this whole “dating” thing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/31 "2005-11-19T11:14:15Z")
> [@Lili Marlene](#): > > Were, oh were are you, my geeky, dark haired male who wouldn’t send a woman an anonymous IM that reads “water is boiling babe”… Wow, I don’t even know what that means. And you have to pay for each message there, right?? Just think, he paid to send you that. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/32 "2005-11-19T15:32:35Z")
> [@Lili Marlene](#): > > I made the mistake of filling out the intimate profile. > > I didn’t realize this was a license for virtually illiterate men to solicite me for no strings attached sex. > > Good lord. > > Were, oh were are you, my geeky, dark haired male who wouldn’t send a woman an anonymous IM that reads “water is boiling babe”… > > Jeepers, I hate cuddling as much as the next girl, but a little finesse helps sometimes! > (rapidly becoming frustrated with online dating) The problem you’re having is very common. It’s that you’ve set your expectations too high. Set them lower. Lower… Still lower… a little lower… there! Now keep 'em there. Anything that exceeds these expectations now is probably good for a first date. 🙂 Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Jillyvn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Jillyvn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jillyvn)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680/33 "2005-11-21T05:44:35Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > The problem you’re having is very common. It’s that you’ve set your expectations too high. Set them lower. Lower… Still lower… a little lower… there! Now keep 'em there. Anything that exceeds these expectations now is probably good for a first date. 🙂 > > Carry on. Funny, funny, funny. “My water is boiling babe”? And, anonymous message from a guy asking to meet for a cuddle and a backrub? My creepoutometer went up. Maybe my standards are too high. My standards: Must be employed or self-sufficient (I won’t pay your rent) Must bathe Must be literate Why is this so g\_d damned hard? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gar-single-again-advice-needed-online-dating-etc/330680.md?page=1)