# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/261 "2009-03-24T22:12:04Z")
> [@Bambro](#): > > I never read this thread the first time around, and seeing it revived I wondered what all the fuss was about. I started reading it a little while ago, and clicked on a link on the first page that went to a different thread. In the linked thread there was [another link](http://www.gofrostfire.com/acatalog/jesuson4.jpg)I am so happy to have stumbled across. I have sent it to everyone I know. > > Every time I look at that fucking picture I just can’t stop laughing. 😃 That is just wrong! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2009, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/262 "2009-03-24T23:25:45Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > You remember this thread right? > > It gets worse. > > Not content with the bloody gnomes my neighbour has now planted a whole bunch of flowers/shrubs and the like. > > Plastic ones… > > I’m seriously considering having him certified Well go and throw some plastic horse shit on them. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/263 "2009-03-24T23:58:47Z")
No pictures? (I only checked the first page. Apologies if there were some embedded in the rest.) ---
**Author:** ![Goblinmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3be4f8/32.png) [@Goblinmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goblinmama)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/264 "2009-06-18T13:45:33Z")
After laughing my butt off over the Garden Gnome discussion, I had to join SD. I am, however, amazed that absolutely nobody suggested little gnome gnametags…such as: Gnadia, Gnadine, Gnigel, Gnatalie, Gnero, Gnelson, Gnelly, Gnadine, Gneville, Gnelly, Gnanette, Gnash, Gnicholas, … and Fred. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/265 "2009-06-18T14:14:16Z")
I’ve always thought Terence is the ideal name for a garden gnome. Mostly because I had a geography teacher at prep school whose name was Terence and looked like a gnome, sans stocking cap. ---
**Author:** ![kapntoad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@kapntoad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapntoad)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/266 "2009-06-18T14:35:53Z")
> [@Goblinmama](#): > > After laughing my butt off over the Garden Gnome discussion, I had to join SD. > I am, however, amazed that absolutely nobody suggested little gnome gnametags..such as: Gnadia, Gnadine, Gnigel, Gnatalie, Gnero, Gnelson, Gnelly, Gnadine, Gneville, Gnelly, Gnanette, Gnash, Gnicholas, … and Fred. And their pet Ggnu. ---
**Author:** ![Goblinmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3be4f8/32.png) [@Goblinmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goblinmama)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/267 "2009-06-18T15:21:49Z")
\ Of course! HOW could I have forgotten?? ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/268 "2009-06-18T15:45:16Z")
o gno!, Gnot again! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/269 "2009-06-18T16:10:16Z")
And here I was thinking this thread had gone to the great gnomery in the sky. The plastic flowers/shrubs etc that he ‘planted’ make my garden look positively tatty. I’ll get him one day ---
**Author:** ![bannerrefugee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c68b51/32.png) [@bannerrefugee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bannerrefugee)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/270 "2009-06-18T23:31:52Z")
> [@Goblinmama](#): > > and Fred. Thats Phred. But your excused-everyone knbows goblins can’t spell. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/271 "2009-06-18T23:38:25Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’ve always thought Terence is the ideal name for a garden gnome. Mostly because I had a geography teacher at prep school whose name was Terence and looked like a gnome, sans stocking cap. I’m not sure I like the way this is going. Regards Terrence ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/272 "2009-06-19T00:57:08Z")
Chowder, my former neighbor would spend _thousands_ every couple of years to repopulate her yard with plastic flowers. It is contagious, the neighbor across the street started doing it to. To give you an idea of how contagious, the NATS had a father that was a botanist! When my house was for sale, I swear, every 3rd person that saw her house said “Oh, what pretty…uuhhh, are those FAKE?” I now live in the woods where I get to be the weirdo. I made a scarecrow to provide shade to my chicken coop and she’s made out of a mannequin torso, a hoop skirt and a huge, blonde curly wig. She is wearing my prom dress from 1986. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/273 "2009-06-19T02:59:00Z")
I had a neighbor like this. Ugh! And don’t even get me started on the horrific screeching of her rusted windmill “statue.” Do what I did, start adding to the collection. Rearrange them, make them dance in circles at the Summer Solstice. Give them little picket signs with extreme political opinions. Put martini glasses in their hands (in my case this required some [post-it type glue](http://www.gluedots.com/display/router.aspx?DocID=1083) She soon fell in love with gazing balls. Those were much worse actually, as the gnomes, for all their tack, had never blinded me while trying to turn out of the driveway. Oh, and stick some of these on any trees he might have. . . [Tree Faces](http://www.onlinediscountmart.com/tree-faces.html) O, and theeeeeeese, I forgot about these! ! ! [Gnome Door](http://www.gnomegarden.net/product/4pOak#) I had a blast with that poor lady’s garden. Exercise the prankster in you, he needs sunlight! (Moonlight actually recommended for these activities. And moonshine too. . .) I bought a girl gnome and staged a barfight scene over her. I bought little “rugs” at the dollar store and made them pray toward Mecca. I stuck a battery operated “Fart machine” inside a large hollow ceramic one. the booming sound effect was most satisfying. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/274 "2009-07-14T16:46:12Z")
[Arson fear as gnome factory burns down](http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/2590315/Arson-fear-as-gnome-factory-burns-down) ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/275 "2009-07-14T16:51:39Z")
Ok, let’s start collecting money for the Chowder defense fund… ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/276 "2009-07-14T16:55:23Z")
You need to hire [these guys.](http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=2802&dc=froogle20090515) ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/277 "2009-07-14T20:37:36Z")
Oddly enough, [this](http://comics.com/frazz/2009-07-05/) made me think of this thread. Now here it is, back again in time for me to make the link. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/278 "2009-07-15T12:28:28Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > Ok, let’s start collecting money for the Chowder defense fund… Quite unneccesary old chap, I was nowhere near the place. ::looks furtively around:: ---
**Author:** ![Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/46a35a/32.png) [@Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walker_in_Eternity)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/279 "2009-07-15T14:44:18Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > But as far as I can tell there’s only one female gnome and that’s Mother Christmas. > > Are you suggesting a gay gnome orgy? How do you tell them apart, don’t female gnomes have beards too? Must be might slightly eccentric take on the world, but I quite like seeing garden gnomes. Not got any myself though. Count yourself lucky that his gnomes are not like[this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81OwP7RJ3BI) one. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/280 "2009-07-15T18:04:23Z")
[quote=“Walker\_in\_Eternity, post:279, topic:474302”] How do you tell them apart, don’t female gnomes have beards too? QUOTE] Only the bearded lady gnomes. And Mother Christmas has got what I imagine are breasts beneath all that colourful clobber [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=15)