# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/281 "2009-07-15T19:30:49Z")
Slightly NSFW: [http://www.gnomeland.co.uk/Shop-ceramic-rude.html](http://www.gnomeland.co.uk/Shop-ceramic-rude.html) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/282 "2009-07-15T19:34:47Z")
[http://omyonlinecom.nationprotect.net/files/products-toys-gnome.php](http://omyonlinecom.nationprotect.net/files/products-toys-gnome.php) A Gnome Vibrator. Google is wunderbar. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/283 "2009-07-15T21:45:53Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Oh, and stick some of these on any trees he might have. . . [Tree Faces](http://www.onlinediscountmart.com/tree-faces.html) Those are… very disturbing. Excellent. The jolly mustachioed one needs fangs, though. And maybe another version closed with a satisfied smirk, and a squirrel’s tail hanging out. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/284 "2009-07-15T21:55:30Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > [Arson fear as gnome factory burns down](http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/2590315/Arson-fear-as-gnome-factory-burns-down) The poor guy. He looks heartbroken. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/285 "2009-07-17T14:15:04Z")
Has anyone mentioned that all [Gnomes are Nazis](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8155542.stm)? ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/286 "2009-07-17T14:19:59Z")
I gnew it! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/287 "2009-07-17T15:19:33Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > Slightly NSFW: [http://www.gnomeland.co.uk/Shop-ceramic-rude.html](http://www.gnomeland.co.uk/Shop-ceramic-rude.html) I love the one with the cell phone. It may be time to visit the old neighborhood . . . ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/288 "2009-07-23T17:41:11Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Looking balefully out the window at Gnomeville I realised something. > > They’re all wearing jackboots!! > > Not just garden Gnomes but Nazi garden Gnomes Well, then they’re just crying out for armbands, aren’t they? Saw some at an antique store, but I’m guessing you don’t need authentic ones at $32 each (and think how much fun it’ll be trying to explain when someone walks in on you as you’re sewing a couple dozen of them!). ps: Playing next year at Summerfest, on the WTOS Classic Punk Stage: _ **Nazi Garden Gnomes** _! ---
**Author:** ![bannerrefugee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c68b51/32.png) [@bannerrefugee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bannerrefugee)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/289 "2009-07-24T04:55:05Z")
Nazi Garden Gnomes, Google image it You won’t be disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/290 "2009-07-29T14:53:43Z")
The OP should never, ever, [open this link](http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/07/29/2639561.htm?section=justin). ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/291 "2009-07-29T15:55:55Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > The OP should never, ever, [open this link](http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/07/29/2639561.htm?section=justin). Oh, my! I love the line, “The gnomes will be fostered out to various locations across the Blue Mountains but will be reunited next Australia Day for the sixth annual Australian Gnome Convention.” They’ll be reunited! Here’s a chance to nuke 'em from orbit! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/292 "2009-07-29T18:42:36Z")
I thought my neighbour was nuts, that woman had 1500 of the little buggers. Fifteen bloody hundred :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mom-of-Andrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@Mom-of-Andrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mom-of-Andrew)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/293 "2009-07-29T18:57:27Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > I thought my neighbour was nuts… “The fact that others are more cracked does not dimish your [neighbor’s] crackpot status” quoted from Zen Master of the Subway ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/294 "2009-07-29T20:06:49Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > Slightly NSFW: [http://www.gnomeland.co.uk/Shop-ceramic-rude.html](http://www.gnomeland.co.uk/Shop-ceramic-rude.html) In my head, The Naturist looks like **chowder.** I find plastic flowers waaaaay more offensive than gnomes. Plastic flowers in the UK-the garden capitol of the world? WTF? I do hope you are moving them around, subtly, so as to mess with neighbor’s head. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/295 "2009-07-29T20:38:18Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Yes well I’m almost 67 and entitled to be grumpy about anything. > > Off my lawn NOW! My sister in law just got busted for 53 pieces of garden flair in her yard, which goes against the rules and regulations of the association. It’s all stuff she spray-painted and glittered up. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/296 "2009-07-30T07:20:01Z")
[quote=“eleanorigby, post:294, topic:474302”] In my head, The Naturist looks like **chowder.** How dare you madam, how _very_ dare you. As a matter of fact I closely resemble Brad Pitt, indeed people have come up to me in the street and asked for my autograph in the mistaken belief that I am he. It’s just something I’ve had to learn to live with ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/297 "2009-07-30T15:51:44Z")
Right… Brad Pitt at 67? Didn’t he make a movie that showed him aged–NOT a pretty picture, I might add… And, after perusing that web site a bit more, I see that I am wrong. C’mon, you can admit it: you posed for The Plonker, didntcha? 😉 See if you can get ahold of a mini-can of weed killer or napalm and velcro it to one of the gnome’s hands, then place him near the “flower” border to make a “mad scientist makes mutant vegetation” tableau. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/298 "2009-07-30T15:55:37Z")
Go check out page 3 of that web site where the Naturist is… there is one called “going, going, gone” which **Chowder** MUST purchase and place near his property line as a warning to Neighbor. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/299 "2009-07-30T17:47:45Z")
Also on P3 is “Buxom Bess” Strangely enough **eleanorrigby** sprang immediately to mind when I saw that one. Incidentally I may be 67 but in all honesty I look just like BP does now. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/300 "2009-07-30T18:28:21Z")
This just in: the British government has proposed making [Charles Isham’s](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Charles_Isham) birthday a national holiday. **Chowder** was last seen speeding towards the Parliament building with 20 tons of ammonium nitrate packed into the back of a moving van. Witnesses claim he was heard screaming “Taliban schmaliban—I’ll show you fuckers the meaning of Jihad!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=16)