# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/301 "2009-07-30T18:30:12Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > This just in: the British government has proposed making [Charles Isham’s](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Charles_Isham) birthday a national holiday. **Chowder** was last seen speeding towards the Parliament building with 20 tons of ammonium nitrate packed into the back of a moving van. Witnesses claim he was heard screaming “Taliban schmaliban—I’ll show you fuckers the meaning of Jihad!” remember remember the fifth of gnovember… ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2009, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/302 "2009-07-30T21:46:41Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Also on P3 is “Buxom Bess” > > Strangely enough **eleanorrigby** sprang immediately to mind when I saw that one. > > Incidentally I may be 67 but in all honesty I look just like BP does now. Chance is a fine thing, laddie. 😉 And I don’t look in the least like Buxom Bess: I don’t wear my hair in braids. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2009, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/303 "2009-07-31T08:13:05Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > This just in: the British government has proposed making [Charles Isham’s](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Charles_Isham) birthday a national holiday. **Chowder** was last seen speeding towards the Parliament building with 20 tons of ammonium nitrate packed into the back of a moving van. Witnesses claim he was heard screaming “Taliban schmaliban—I’ll show you fuckers the meaning of Jihad!” Until I clicked on your link I had gnever even given it a thought as to which bastard was responsible for the intro of gnomes. Now I have someone else to direct my hate at. - as an aside, is it possible that this thread is going to end up as the equivalant to the pigeon eggs one? Y’gnow, gneverending ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2009, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/304 "2009-07-31T08:21:34Z")
As long as there is evil in the world, men must fight the good fight. This thread stands as testament to their valiant efforts, and must exist in perpetuity. ---
**Author:** ![joblessgnome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@joblessgnome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joblessgnome)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/305 "2009-08-10T22:32:51Z")
The best way to get rid of the Gnomes is to get them a job! Visit; [http://www.outofworklawngnome.com](http://www.outofworklawngnome.com) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/306 "2009-08-11T14:39:26Z")
Well that was just _awesome_. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/307 "2009-08-11T15:45:13Z")
> [@joblessgnome](#): > > The best way to get rid of the Gnomes is to get them a job! Visit; > [http://www.outofworklawngnome.com](http://www.outofworklawngnome.com) Is the “this web site down for maintenance” the joke, or is it really down for temporary maintenance? ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/308 "2009-08-11T18:02:05Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > Is the “this web site down for maintenance” the joke, or is it really down for temporary maintenance? It’s back up now and it is heartbreaking. Little homeless Gnomes digging in dumpsters and sleeping on park benches. The shame! ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/309 "2010-09-10T01:47:04Z")
I know I’m resurrecting a zombie thread here, but I thought it would be very important for **chowder** to see this recently published help guide (and maybe pick up a copy): [How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)](http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9781580084635) ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/310 "2010-09-10T01:55:45Z")
Well, if you ever want to go completely off your rocker, but not actually harm anyone, you know exactly what to do. Set up on your roof with a high powered rifle, mowing down gnomes. When the Police inevitably come, you instantly surrender. When they question you, all you do is look wild eyed and keep repeating “Gnomes. Everywhere. Fucking GNOMES, man! Everywhere I look! _GNOMES!!!_” Get a pretty nice vacation in a comfly place with plenty of drugs after that. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/311 "2010-09-10T02:08:45Z")
Well, even if they are out of work, they can find a sympathetic ear and a warm bed in a local brothel. Everyone knows the ho place likes gnomes. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/312 "2010-09-10T03:08:36Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > When they question you, all you do is look wild eyed and keep repeating “Gnomes. Everywhere. Fucking GNOMES, man! Everywhere I look! _GNOMES!!!_” > > Get a pretty nice vacation in a comfly place with plenty of drugs after that. [soothing voice]Yes, it’s great to relax in a nice comfy place with plenty of drugs, and, of course, Tweak’s coffee; that country fresh flavor, like the morning after a rainstorm… . ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/313 "2010-09-10T11:54:10Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > Well, even if they are out of work, they can find a sympathetic ear and a warm bed in a local brothel. > > Everyone knows the ho place likes gnomes. And if you ever need to find one, just follow the scent of a deer. A gnome is where the hart pees. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/314 "2010-09-10T17:04:39Z")
> [@Indyellen](#): > > I know I’m resurrecting a zombie thread here, but I thought it would be very important for **chowder** to see this recently published help guide (and maybe pick up a copy): > > [How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)](http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9781580084635) **chowder** appears to have left these Boards for pastures greener. Not sure if those pastures are the next life or Giraffe Boards or whatever. Have launched inquiry [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=577752). ---
**Author:** ![Indyellen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/indyellen/32/4176_2.png) [@Indyellen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indyellen)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/315 "2010-09-10T21:25:37Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > > [@Indyellen](#): > > > > I know I’m resurrecting a zombie thread here, but I thought it would be very important for **chowder** to see this recently published help guide (and maybe pick up a copy): > > > > [How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will)](http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9781580084635) > > **chowder** appears to have left these Boards for pastures greener. Not sure if those pastures are the next life or Giraffe Boards or whatever. > > Have launched inquiry [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=577752). Well, I’m sorry he’s not here, for whatever reason (thanks for making Inquiry, though), but I think this is useful knowledge for all of us. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/316 "2012-04-10T16:56:24Z")
Resurrecting the Zombie because this made me wish for a crazy gnome lady int he neighborhood: [http://www.thegreenhead.com/2009/11/star-wars-garden-jawa.php](http://www.thegreenhead.com/2009/11/star-wars-garden-jawa.php) Not that she’d have known what it was, but I’d have enjoyed adding it immensely! I sincerely hope that when I’m old and decrepit it doesn’t start to sound funny to do these things to my own garden. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/317 "2012-04-10T17:30:53Z")
I know this is an old thread, but… isn’t it sort of mandatory to steal one and take pictures of it in wacky places? ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/318 "2012-04-10T23:13:32Z")
Damn it! The first time a thread I remember is zombified, and it’s not even random schmucks who drive-by-post? Damn it! ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/319 "2012-04-11T01:54:20Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I know this is an old thread, but… isn’t it sort of mandatory to steal one and take pictures of it in wacky places? Naah…it’s easier to Photoshop it in. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/320 "2012-04-11T13:43:21Z")
I grew up in a town in which one family had put up a border of bowling balls around the yard. Yes, it looked odd, but it was reasonably tidy. One of his neighbors hated them, and…well, read this cite. [http://www.weirdnj.com/index.php?option=com\_content&task=view&id=114&Itemid=28](http://www.weirdnj.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=114&Itemid=28) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=17)