# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/41 "2008-11-24T23:07:20Z")
**chowder** , [a game for you](http://www.jardinains.com/index2.html). ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/42 "2008-11-24T23:32:52Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > I can see it now: > > Brave British pilot gnomes scrambling into their Spitfires and Hurricanes, soaring aloft to tackle the fiendish Gnomewaffe who are intent on bombing our island into submission. > > Oliver Cromwell and his New Model Army galloping on to Marston Moor to defeat the dastardly Gnomelists. > > Henry V exorting his few, his happy few, his band of brothers to attack the Frogognomes at Agincourt. > > Robin Hood and his Merry Men cunningly outwitting Prince JohnOGnome time and time again. > > God, it makes you proud to be British:p > > BTW. I got all you requested, your’e welcome just as long as you don’t make excessive demands on my body. Honey, unless you look like a gnome, I’m giving your body wide berth. Apparently I’ve got a heretofore unsuspected thing for gnomes–at least in the theoretical sense. Oh, we could have a lineup of 6 gnome-ettes and one bearded Henry the 8th gnome. Those gnome-ettes who lost their head over Henry’s dubious attractions would be holding theirs. An Albert gnome could be burning cakes. A Richard the Lionhearted gnome could be crusading in other neighbor’s yards, be taken hostage and the owner has to pay ransom! We could have a Neville Chamberlain gnome, waving a slip of paper. A Winston Churchill gnome (no stretch there) supervising the Dunkirk evacuation. Stick a gnome up in an oak tree and you’ve got Charles whatever number, attempting to flee. Burke and Hare digging up little gnome caskets. A Jack the Ripper gnome, complete with prostitutes. Truly, my life now as a purpose I never felt the lack of before. Gnomes complete me… ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/43 "2008-11-24T23:37:43Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Yes well I’m almost 67 and entitled to be grumpy about anything. At your age shouldn’t you be the one collecting garden gnomes? At 54 I’m in the upper range for wanting them to make an ironic statement about “cool.” Them and pink flamingos. But the nice pink flamingos, not the shitty ones you get at WalMart and Mexican flea markets. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/44 "2008-11-24T23:38:16Z")
I want some Winter Olympics gnomes. An Eddie The Eagle skiing gnome would be wonderful. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/45 "2008-11-25T00:22:57Z")
Look here, this thread started life as a bit of a rant and has rapidly deteriorated into a joke gnome fest. This is not at all in the spirit of things, you Dopers are supposed to commiserate with me, offer words of support…oh wait. You already did that. Anyway it’s just past midnight here in Merrie England, time for my Horlicks and night socks. Carry on ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/46 "2008-11-25T00:51:40Z")
Are you sure you can sleep with all those gnomes eyes, staring into the darkness that surrounds your house? They never blink or look away… ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/47 "2008-11-25T02:22:08Z")
_Children of the Gnomes_. ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/48 "2008-11-25T03:46:20Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Look here, this thread started life as a bit of a rant and has rapidly deteriorated into a joke gnome fest. My apologies, **chowder**. I shouldn’t have made light of your ordeal. Here, I wrote a little song to cheer you up. You Brits _are_ familiar with that ditty we call _Home on the Range_, aren’t you? Well, here ya go then—just hum your woes away… \*Oh rid me my home Of these hideous gnomes God, please make them all disappear! I’m begging you please They’re breeding like fleas And my neighbor just grins ear-to-ear. Gnomes, gnomes everywhere! Now he’s got one on top of his car. I’m getting my gun It’ll be so much fun This year he’s just gone too far…\* ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/49 "2008-11-25T03:48:58Z")
\ ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/50 "2008-11-25T07:41:34Z")
Looking balefully out the window at Gnomeville I realised something. They’re all wearing jackboots!! Not just garden Gnomes but Nazi garden Gnomes ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/51 "2008-11-25T08:09:15Z")
Just how many Ambien did you chase down with that warm milk? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/52 "2008-11-25T09:12:42Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Are you suggesting a gay gnome orgy? I think technically that’s called a gnorgy. Just because that’s how I read it the first time. ---
**Author:** ![Jaglavak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85f322/32.png) [@Jaglavak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaglavak)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/53 "2008-11-25T09:23:01Z")
Can someone please explain how this thread got so far without anyone mentioning the word, ‘slingshot’?? You guys are slipping. But hey, it [could be worse!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msvohHRuJMM) ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/54 "2008-11-25T09:44:42Z")
> [@Fantome](#): > > I wish the complaints I have about my neighbors were that small. I see what you did there. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/55 "2008-11-25T10:10:39Z")
I found black-faced watermelon-eating gnomes on the Net. They are soooo wrong! I want one. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/56 "2008-11-25T10:48:37Z")
> [@Jaglavak](#): > > Can someone please explain how this thread got so far without anyone mentioning the word, ‘slingshot’?? You guys are slipping. > > But hey, it [could be worse!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msvohHRuJMM) Or air gun or BB gun or nuke from orbit or… ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/57 "2008-11-25T10:57:07Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Or air gun or BB gun or nuke from orbit or… [Yeah, yeah, bring it on, ya grumpy human!](http://galleries.lycos.co.uk/d/11259-2/Garden+gnomes_2.jpg) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/58 "2008-11-25T12:08:16Z")
> [@Sanders](#): > > Move all the gnomes an inch or two closer to his front door, every night. You’re evil. I like you. ---
**Author:** ![Cheez\_Whia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cheez\_Whia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheez_Whia)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/59 "2008-11-25T13:19:55Z")
You can always use a [Jarvey](http://www.hp-lexicon.org/bestiary/bestiary_j.html). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/60 "2008-11-25T15:08:27Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > I found black-faced watermelon-eating gnomes on the Net. They are soooo wrong! > > I want one. I used to have an Hispanic laborer one that was taking a siesta (not kidding). Came with the house, don’t know it’s history. I now seriously regret not snapping a pic of the little monstrosity before taking the sledgehammer to it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=4)