# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/81 "2008-11-26T00:23:46Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Something or someone is buried under that. No one puts that much effort into a gnome statue unless it’s covering up a heinous crime. Show him gnome mercy and his legal troubles will dwarf his yard art proclivities. You may be right, perhaps it’s a ring, y’know _the_ ring ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/82 "2008-11-26T01:41:48Z")
Send him letters from the Gno-Person Liberation Front (GLF), including demand 13(a) from the 1974 manifesto calling for immediate emacipation of all Gno-People enslaved and publically exploited as ornamentation on the lawns of bourgeois residences. ---
**Author:** ![DellieM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@DellieM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DellieM)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/83 "2008-11-26T02:58:31Z")
I went on a ‘girl’s weekend’ to a sheep station situated on the river a year or so ago. The shearer’s quarters were our accommodation and very basic but nice. After having far too many beers I retired for a nap to my cabin. A day later the photos surfaced of me in my slumber surrounded by gnomes the girls had taken from the house’s garden. They were doing naughty things to me. Oh the shame. Stupid fucking gnomes. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/84 "2008-11-26T08:04:38Z")
> [@DellieM](#): > > I went on a ‘girl’s weekend’ to a sheep station situated on the river a year or so ago. The shearer’s quarters were our accommodation and very basic but nice. After having far too many beers I retired for a nap to my cabin. A day later the photos surfaced of me in my slumber surrounded by gnomes the girls had taken from the house’s garden. They were doing naughty things to me. Oh the shame. Stupid fucking gnomes. There’s Gno getting away from it, those pervert Gnomes will desist from sheep shagging to practice their disgusting sexual activities on unsuspecting Sheilas. Gned Kelly would have sorted the buggers out ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/85 "2008-11-26T08:36:55Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > But as far as I can tell there’s only one female gnome and that’s Mother Christmas[ Have you considered hiring a geneticist? I hear they are enthusiastic about the Human gay gnome project. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/86 "2008-11-26T13:31:59Z")
Take a couple of pictures and then contact [these](http://www.freethegnomes.com/) guys. I believe them to be a splinter group of the [Garden Gnome Liberation Front](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnome_Liberation_Front). Perhaps they can take care of your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/87 "2008-11-26T14:00:41Z")
Buy more. Every week or so add one to the heard. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/88 "2008-11-26T14:03:08Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > Buy more. Every week or so add one to the **heard**. They’ve not got speaking gnomes as well now, have they? Damn, that’s all Chowder needs! Hurry **Paul** , get your edit in! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/89 "2008-11-26T14:17:43Z")
Actually, they do have speaking gnomes. I Googled them. Herd Herd herd ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/90 "2008-11-26T14:50:35Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > Actually, they do have speaking gnomes. I Googled them. Y’know summat? If I could find any fornicating Gnomes that spoke whilst doing _it_ then I’d most certainly buy some and put them in my neighbours garden. That’d teach him ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/91 "2008-11-26T14:58:19Z")
I think **chowder** should start wearing [this shirt](http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/item/pelvic-xray-gnome-long-sleeve-dark-tshirt/94034627) whenever he goes outside. Or maybe he should simply dress Oscar in it. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/92 "2008-11-26T15:14:53Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > Actually, they do have speaking gnomes. I Googled them. Now I need to know what they say! Where’s ma obligatory link?\* > [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > Herd Herd herd Shouldn’t that be ‘Herd’s’? Or were they different species? 🙂 - Okay, I’ll get it myself. I need the exercise! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/93 "2008-11-26T15:39:13Z")
I found him! Norman, the waving speaking Gnome ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/94 "2008-11-26T15:41:49Z")
never mind ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/95 "2008-11-26T16:50:03Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > All of this in full view of me should I happen to glance out the window to my left. > > Bastard I don’t know if you’ve ever visited the States, but if you ever do it during Christmas (or the six months leading up to Christmas, seemingly) your head might explode. America has big lawns, and Americans have some sort of Christmas instinct that makes them cover ever inch of those lawns with Christmas tat. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/96 "2008-11-26T17:20:11Z")
And if it won’t fit on the lawn, it gets stapled to the house. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/97 "2008-11-26T17:20:14Z")
I don’t think you’d need special fornicating gnomes. If these gnomes are in various positions you just need to be creative. A sitting one can be tipped over on his face and either have a standing gnome placed behind him or laid on the ground under him. You don’t even need to go dirty. I am picturing some different gnome tableaus a la [Calvin’s snow people](http://www.angelfire.com/wa/zzaran/calvin.html). Are there any gnomes in little cars or carrying certain garden implements? I sometimes wish I lived someplace where it snowed so I could make some Calvin style snow people. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/98 "2008-11-26T17:39:39Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I don’t know if you’ve ever visited the States, but if you ever do it during Christmas (or the six months leading up to Christmas, seemingly) your head might explode. > > America has big lawns, and Americans have some sort of Christmas instinct that makes them cover ever inch of those lawns with Christmas tat. I’ve been to the USA quite a few times but always in the summer. The only time I thought my head might explode was when I was in Alabama, there was some kind of festival going on and the fireworks drove me nuts…all bloody night:mad: On the other hand, whenever I go to Rhode Island (My fave state) my friends there always have the Union Flag flying and there are a multitude of British thingies scattered around their lawn…including Gnomes dressed in John Bull type clobber. And Americans do not have a monopoly on Christmas tat, we’ve got nutters as well ---
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/99 "2008-11-26T18:21:07Z")
Please let Mother Christmas up. She’s been so good to us all! _snerk_ ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/100 "2008-11-26T18:25:55Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > And Americans do not have a monopoly on Christmas tat, we’ve got nutters as well Your nutters have [nothing](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAlQGs2L8Y8) on our nutters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=6)