# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![pantheon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@pantheon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantheon)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/101 "2008-11-26T19:19:30Z")
[Die Screaming with Sharp Things in Your Head!](http://www.bifrost.com.au/hosting/gnomes/index.html) ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/102 "2008-11-26T19:32:18Z")
> [@pantheon](#): > > [Die Screaming with Sharp Things in Your Head!](http://www.bifrost.com.au/hosting/gnomes/index.html) Now that is what I call a Gnawful Gnome site:D ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/103 "2008-11-26T19:49:15Z")
Or you could just get the gnome to end all gnomes. http:/ /www. [Kabouter Buttplug | Suzy\_Q | Flickr](http://flickr.com/photos/99844094@N00/94615404) [moderately NSFW] Your yard or theirs, doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/104 "2008-11-26T22:13:44Z")
You really must modify that tableau. Mess with the neighbor’s head. Moving them a few inches a day would be great. So would changing their clothing (just a little paint would do wonders). I also like adding the little nazi armbands. > [@chowder](#): > > Hey I just realised, he doesn’t have a single black gnome. A little paint, and you could fix that right up. > [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > [Yeah, yeah, bring it on, ya grumpy human!](http://galleries.lycos.co.uk/d/11259-2/Garden+gnomes_2.jpg) 😃 Outstanding! > [@DellieM](#): > > I went on a ‘girl’s weekend’ to a sheep station situated on the river a year or so ago. That would have a whole different meaning if it was a “guy’s weekend” at a sheep station. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2008, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/105 "2008-11-27T01:34:49Z")
[They’re coming for you!](http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%3Fei%3DUTF-8%26p%3Dpictures%2Bof%2Bgarden%2Bgnomes&w=500&h=375&imgurl=static.flickr.com%2F23%2F39032202_80cf7ed63e.jpg&size=97.2kB&name=39032202_80cf7ed63e.jpg&rcurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fhuntz%2F39032202%2F&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fhuntz%2F39032202%2F&p=garden+gnomes&type=jpeg&no=2&tt=19%2C790&oid=6741fa9253244a44&fusr=huntz&hurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fhuntz%2F&tit=gnomes&sigr=11cpupph6&sigi=11c3dq2ii&sigb=123jff1vr&sigh=1134bg1ig) ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/106 "2008-11-27T02:21:30Z")
There’s an artist who makes a business out of selling little metal monster sculptures that’re frequently sighted carrying off some gnome in the approved fashion of cartoon cannibals everywhere. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2008, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/107 "2008-11-27T23:43:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Are you suggesting a gay gnome orgy? The Department of Redundancy Department would like to advise you that all Gay Gnomes are Gay. Any female gnomes are either butch or beards. Thank you and carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/108 "2008-11-28T00:49:01Z")
Knock them over on their sides and scatter empty beer bottles around. My husband’s idea!! I’m just passing it along. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/109 "2008-11-28T03:43:38Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Everything except shagging but I guess he’s working on that. > [@chowder](#): > > He has … 7 fucking elf type gnomes Well? Which one is it? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/110 "2008-11-28T12:23:14Z")
Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer Came down upon her head Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer Made sure that she was dead Bye bye gnome. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/111 "2008-11-28T12:37:34Z")
How about smearing the gnomes with beef paste and waiting for the local dogs or foxes to take effect? ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/112 "2008-11-28T13:03:08Z")
OK, we are in recession Times are hard. Pardon an actual factual question. How hard would it be to go into the gnome business? What are the fool things made of? Googling shows there to be darn few novelty gnomes out there. I see an open market. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/113 "2008-11-28T13:07:33Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > OK, we are in recession Times are hard. Pardon an actual factual question. > > How hard would it be to go into the gnome business? What are the fool things made of? > > Googling shows there to be darn few novelty gnomes out there. I see an open market. Most Gnomes are made of plaster (please note it’s an uppercase for Gnomes;)) There are load of novelty Gnomes, just click on a few links that are posted, especially the one posted by **pantheon** Anyways: They apparently eat very little but they are somewhat demanding as regards their clothing and they do need a lick of paint from time to time ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/114 "2008-11-28T13:20:01Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > I also like adding the little nazi armbands. No, that would be an extremely stupid and possibly illegal (with regards to Anti Discrimination laws) thing to do. It would also be criminal damage if you were to alter the gnomes with paint, or damage them in anyway. They are other people’s property after all. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/115 "2008-11-28T13:39:57Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > No, that would be an extremely stupid and possibly illegal (with regards to Anti Discrimination laws) thing to do. > > It would also be criminal damage if you were to alter the gnomes with paint, or damage them in anyway. They are other people’s property after all. How about smearing them with paste? Is that technically within the law? ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/116 "2008-11-28T13:47:49Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > How about smearing them with paste? Is that technically within the law? I ain’t know, I’m not a lawologist. It’s just that whilst this thread is hilarious, and I credit **chowder** with a good deal of common sense, some of the suggestions here are straying from fun prank territory into criminal acts. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/117 "2008-11-28T14:12:13Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > OK, we are in recession Times are hard. Pardon an actual factual question. > > How hard would it be to go into the gnome business? What are the fool things made of? > > Googling shows there to be darn few novelty gnomes out there. I see an open market. I like the way you think! A gnome likeness for celebrities and poloticians. A gnome for every hobby. Gnome sets, like the Christmas Nativity Scene I predict a big seller! and A gnome crucifition scene. Gnomes in sports. Gnomes having sex. College sports team gnomies. My GOD! We’d be Bajillionaires!!!1111!!! ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/118 "2008-11-28T14:55:31Z")
{Doctor Evil}Or even millionaires!{/DE} ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/119 "2008-11-28T15:01:25Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > I like the way you think! > > A gnome likeness for celebrities and poloticians. > > A gnome for every hobby. > > Gnome sets, like the Christmas Nativity Scene I predict a big seller! and A gnome crucifition scene. > > Gnomes in sports. > > Gnomes having sex. > > College sports team gnomies. > My GOD! > > We’d be Bajillionaires!!!1111!!! I actually own a Gnome chess set. But it is too large to display and too small for the lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/120 "2008-11-28T16:00:24Z")
I see Gnome football teams Gnome professions (lawyer, carpenter, photographer) Black and Asian Gnomes Military Gnomes and of course the Gnome nativity set. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=7)