# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/121 "2008-11-28T17:02:12Z")
And little Sarah Palins from Gnome, Alaska! ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/122 "2008-11-28T17:29:34Z")
You have to set up some of them like a crime scene, complete with tape, then put up a little sign saying “Gnomicide: Life on the streets” ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/123 "2008-11-28T18:39:34Z")
Oh give me a Gnome Where the squirrels do roam And the snails and slugs gaily play Where oft you may see A jack booted Gnazi All of which make **chowders** day, grey ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/124 "2008-11-28T18:46:30Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Most Gnomes are made of plaster (please note it’s an uppercase for Gnomes;)) Why do Gnomes rate special Gnomenclature? \ 🙂 I still say re-enactment tableaus would be great! Nice lyrics,\*\* chowder\*\*, but don’t quit your day job. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/125 "2008-11-28T18:54:21Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Why do Gnomes rate special Gnomenclature? > \ 🙂 > > I still say re-enactment tableaus would be great! > > Nice lyrics,\*\* chowder\*\*, but don’t quit your day job. Well if you have to ask it’s fairly obvious you’re gnot well up in the world of Gnomology. Hey, my lyrics aint bad but I’ll admit I’m no John Lennon. What is this job of which you speak? I’m a retired idle bugger:p ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/126 "2008-11-28T19:40:17Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > Well if you have to ask it’s fairly obvious you’re gnot well up in the world of Gnomology. > > Hey, my lyrics aint bad **but I’ll admit I’m no John Lennon**. What is this job of which you speak? > > I’m a retired idle bugger:p I had you down as more of a Rolling Gnome than a Beatle. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/127 "2008-11-28T19:43:44Z")
Is this thread still on? \*\*Chowder/B], you need to get a 1000 fps pellet gun and start capping those those mothers. I know guns are illegal in your country, but dude, don’t take no crap off no white bearded shovel bearers. ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/128 "2008-11-28T20:01:50Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > \ 🙂 Well I never wanted to come to **your** party anyway, I’m having **my own** party, and you’re not invited! And there will be cakes and crisps and everything and everyone will come to my party and you’ll be at your party on your own, and you’ll probably cry! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/129 "2008-11-28T20:15:36Z")
Just click your heels together and repeat, “There’s no place like Gnome. There’s no place like Gnome.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/130 "2008-11-28T20:33:04Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > Well I never wanted to come to **your** party anyway, I’m having **my own** party, and you’re not invited! And there will be cakes and crisps and everything and everyone will come to my party and you’ll be at your party on your own, and you’ll probably cry! 😉 As if. You so wish you were having a party that people’d want to come to. Real revelers have chips at their parties, and kegs. What is this nonsense about cake? Cake makes ya puke, dude. Stick with salty snacks and beer. \ Yeah! Once we get trashed enough (“pissed” in your language), we’ll take on those Gnomes and shove ‘em headfirst down their lil Gnomeholes. We take no prisoners! Get the pitchforks and the bucket o’ tar! We’re goin’ Gnome hunting tonight! \ **Chowder** –I knew you were retired (is that what it’s called in UK?). Don’t come out of retirement to become a lyricist. In effect, don’t quit your day job: you have to monitor those buggers until we can take 'em out! \ ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/131 "2008-11-28T21:23:24Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > You so wish you were having a party that people’d want to come to. Real revelers have chips at their parties, and kegs. What is this nonsense about cake? Cake makes ya puke, dude. Stick with salty snacks and beer. \ Yeah! Once we get trashed enough (“pissed” in your language), we’ll take on those Gnomes and shove ‘em headfirst down their lil Gnomeholes. We take no prisoners! Get the pitchforks and the bucket o’ tar! We’re goin’ Gnome hunting tonight! \ You’re mean and I don’t like you and I hope the Gnomes jump up and bite your nose! ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/132 "2008-11-28T22:00:27Z")
> [@Omegaman](#): > > Is this thread still on? \*\*Chowder/B], you need to get a 1000 fps pellet gun and start capping those those mothers. I know guns are illegal in your country, but dude, don’t take no crap off no white bearded shovel bearers. What? No way am I going to jail for Gnomicide ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/133 "2008-11-28T22:01:07Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > I see an open market. :eek: Let’s just nuke him from orbit before this scheme has any chance of coming to fruition, shall we? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/134 "2008-11-28T22:15:02Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > You’re mean and I don’t like you and I hope the Gnomes jump up and bite your nose! Damned Limeys–can’t take a joke and cry when ya kick 'em. Yo, Lil Lord Fauntleroy–your mumsy calling ya home! \* I prefer stealth, GPS guided bombing as a way to annihilate Gnomes. - I never realized I could do trashy thug so well. Hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/135 "2008-11-28T22:50:22Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I prefer stealth, GPS guided bombing as a way to annihilate Gnomes. Hahaha…I just sold the Gnomes a GX-11K hardened anti-air installation with the PiXiE upgrade and a full complement of Fae-117 Helicopter Gnomeships. So now they have second-strike capabilities, fire on them and there’ll be nothing left of **chowder** but a smoking zimmerframe! Gno more Mr Gnice Gnome! ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/136 "2008-11-28T23:11:38Z")
Just be glad there are no Smurf or Nac Mac Feegle infestations in the area… Hey, there’s an idea, set up an epic battle between Gnomekind, Smurfkind and Nac Mac Feegle… ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/137 "2008-11-29T00:35:59Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > Hahaha…I just sold the Gnomes a GX-11K hardened anti-air installation with the PiXiE upgrade and a full complement of Fae-117 Helicopter Gnomeships. So now they have second-strike capabilities, fire on them and there’ll be nothing left of **chowder** but a smoking zimmerframe! Gno more Mr Gnice Gnome! How ignomble of you. Dontcha be hating on **Chowder’s** zimmerframe. Bitch comes in here and get all up our faces 'bout illegal shit and then starts arming the vermin with deadly shit. Dayum. This calls for big guns. I am outfitting **Chowder** with a flame thrower and Harry Potter’s wand (god, that sounds dirty). Anyhoo, he’ll make short work of those ignomamuses… ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/138 "2008-11-29T01:23:19Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > No, that would be an extremely stupid and possibly illegal (with regards to Anti Discrimination laws) thing to do. It would also be criminal damage if you were to alter the gnomes with paint, or damage them in anyway. They are other people’s property after all. I said the stuff we’re talking about here was _funny_. I should have added a disclaimer that I’m not encouraging or promoting criminal activity (even though it’s really funny). And as for the little Nazi armbands, that’s not damage. They can just be pulled off (after which **Chowder** would just find a different kind of armband, of course). > [@MacTech](#): > > Just be glad there are no Smurf or Nac Mac Feegle infestations in the area… Bite your tongue. By the way, do you know what you get when a Smurf pees on your lawn? Bluegrass ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/139 "2008-11-29T02:32:04Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > How ignomble of you. Dontcha be hating on **Chowder’s** zimmerframe. Bitch comes in here and get all up our faces 'bout illegal shit and then starts arming the vermin with deadly shit. Dayum. Err…I may have miscalculated. :eek: No…no.. please… I’m a friend of the Gnome people! Gnnnoooooooooooo! AIEEEEEEEE! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/140 "2008-11-29T02:59:30Z")
Gnomebody knows the trouble I’ve seen, Gnomebody knows, but Cheez-Its. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=8)