# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![goodie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@goodie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goodie)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/141 "2008-11-29T03:14:01Z")
What if YOU start dressing up in outfits just the same as the ones his gnomes wear. And put little people statues up in YOUR yard. Act normally, change nothing but that. Just see how long it takes for him to put up a “for sale” sign and clear out. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/142 "2008-11-29T07:58:25Z")
Almost 8:00 in the morning, I gaze out my window, not a single Gnome to be seen, not one. Matter off fact there’s bugger all to see as a thick blanket of fog covers all. At least I hope it’s fog and not poison gas ::eek:: ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/143 "2008-11-29T14:43:02Z")
Gnome farts? ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/144 "2008-11-29T15:26:03Z")
If they are living outdoors, wouldn’t that make them Gn(h)omeless? Perhaps you could have them arrested for vagrancy? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/145 "2008-11-29T18:25:24Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > Err…I may have miscalculated. :eek: > > No…no.. please… I’m a friend of the Gnome people! > > Gnnnoooooooooooo! > > AIEEEEEEEE! I LOVE the sound of British chicken in the morning! I’ll help you out. I’ll only kneecap the one knee. It’s an offer you would be er, shall we say unwise? to refuse. **Chowder** –that’s no fog. That’s a cloud of ignomamuses, providing camouflage whilst an advance team storms your house. Retreat! Retreat! ---
**Author:** ![kapntoad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@kapntoad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapntoad)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/146 "2008-11-29T18:39:05Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > Ah, the plinth of dorkness. If no one else will acknowledge it, I will. Well done. ---
**Author:** ![kapntoad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@kapntoad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapntoad)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/147 "2008-11-29T20:02:13Z")
> [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > How hard would it be to go into the gnome business? How tall are you, and how long can you stand very, very still? > [@Still Paul in Saudi](#): > > Googling shows there to be darn few novelty gnomes out there. I see an open market. If you’re going to produce them, I’ll take one with a motion sensor and a head that turns toward movement, but with a restriction that it only moves once per any given, say, five minutes. Just often enough that you’ve given up watching it. In fact, I want about eight of them. “Wait, did that one move? No, that one!” ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/148 "2008-11-29T20:47:40Z")
Make mine with a head that instantly swivels 90 degrees and says “I’m Talky Tina, _and you’d better be nice to me_.” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/149 "2008-11-29T23:08:14Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > I sometimes wish I lived someplace where it snowed so I could make some Calvin style snow people. I did that one year, made a snow goon! It had two heads, three arms, two sets of buttons, and gaping mouths. It was the winter they were in the comic strip. I was just putting on the finishing touches and a lady came by on the sidewalk, pushing her kid in a stroller. She stopped to look and said “Oh! You’re making a snow goon!” I was proud I did a good likeness!😃 ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/150 "2008-11-30T22:04:04Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Sure they weren’t the work of a taxidermist? **That** would be kewl! 😃 Perhaps from [here](http://customcreaturetaxidermy.com)? ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/151 "2008-11-30T22:11:10Z")
I’m surprised no-one has asked the question yet, but who would win if a leprechaun and a gnome came to blows? ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2008, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/152 "2008-11-30T22:41:14Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > I’m surprised no-one has asked the question yet, but who would win if a leprechaun and a gnome came to blows? Hmmm, difficult one but I’m going for Gnomes. My reason: Gnomes are usually armed with shovels whereas Leprechauns only have those knobbly sticks, one good bash with a shovel and stick is a goner. Quick as a flash Gnome is beating the shit out of Leppie, game over and time for a nap. Now then, if they were on a treadmill… ---
**Author:** ![Momofgirls](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/momofgirls/32/21798_2.png) [@Momofgirls](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Momofgirls)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2008, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/153 "2008-12-01T02:26:08Z")
Perhaps [this](http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=2881) would help with those pesky gnomes… ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/154 "2008-12-01T16:37:44Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > :eek: Let’s just nuke him from orbit before this scheme has any chance of coming to fruition, shall we? It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2008, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/155 "2008-12-01T16:41:39Z")
There once was a garden in Nome That shivered in frost thick as foam It needed a guardian It needed a hardy one For Palin around with its [Gnome.](http://www.mooseyscountrygarden.com/garden-journal-06/rude-gnome.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/156 "2008-12-02T12:29:51Z")
You should have gnome better… ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/157 "2008-12-02T12:40:54Z")
These ‘little folk’ puns are bound to come to an ignome-inious end. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/158 "2008-12-02T12:53:36Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > These ‘little folk’ puns are bound to come to an ignome-inious end. Yes indeed, I understand they can be detrimental to your well being. Unelfy in other words ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/159 "2008-12-02T12:55:06Z")
Little bastards. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/160 "2008-12-02T12:58:18Z")
No, no, no. It’s vertically challenged bastards. Apart from the 36" fucker in my neighbours front garden, I wouldn’t wanna mess with him, he looks mean [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=9)