# Garden Gnomes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 24, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302 "2008-11-24T18:55:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/161 "2008-12-02T12:59:22Z")
::smack:: ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/162 "2008-12-02T20:30:17Z")
I think someone should contact the [GGLF](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garden_Gnome_Liberation_Front). ---
**Author:** ![Jaglavak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85f322/32.png) [@Jaglavak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaglavak)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/163 "2008-12-02T21:55:15Z")
Or you could run the little bastards off with one of these: [Zombie of Montclaire Moors](http://www.designtoscano.com/product/garden+statues/extraordinary+statues/the+zombie+of+montclaire+moors+sculpture+-+db383020.do) Credits: [Dave Barry’s Christmas List](http://www.miamiherald.com/dave_barry/gift-guide/story/782141.html) ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/164 "2008-12-03T15:27:27Z")
Ooh, that zombie thing is awesome. Get yourself a gnome for your yard and leave it for about a week. Then get that zombie lawn ornament and put the gnome under the extended arm as if the zombie is dragging the gnome to hell. Paint blood on the gnome. Then a couple of days later remove them both and just leave a hole in your yard where they used to be. Warn your neighbor that an unholy demon stole your gnome and he might want to take his inside where it is safe. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/165 "2008-12-03T16:13:17Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Ooh, that zombie thing is awesome. > > Get yourself a gnome for your yard and leave it for about a week. Then get that zombie lawn ornament and put the gnome under the extended arm as if the zombie is dragging the gnome to hell. Paint blood on the gnome. > > Then a couple of days later remove them both and just leave a hole in your yard where they used to be. Warn your neighbor that an unholy demon stole your gnome and he might want to take his inside where it is safe. We have quite enough Gnomes in the neighbourhood without adding to them thank you very much. Any day now my neighbour will be wiring his bastards up to the electricity supply and they’ll be festooned with sodding flashing Christmas lights. Unfeeling, insensitive swine that he is ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2008, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/166 "2008-12-03T17:12:46Z")
The gnome fobia is expanding : > **[Garden gnomes banned from church cemetery because they are 'unnatural creatures'](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3439588/Garden-gnomes-banned-from-church-cemetery-because-they-are-unnatural-creatures.html)** > > Garden gnomes have been banned from cemeteries by a church diocese because leaders say they are "unnatural creatures". Also, i must say that i find the continuous use of bad puns ignomenious, the very antignomy of what this boards represent. ---
**Author:** ![Klytus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Klytus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klytus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/167 "2008-12-04T14:46:44Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > Also, i must say that i find the continuous use of bad puns ignomenious, the very antignomy of what this boards represent. Gah! Egnough, already! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/168 "2008-12-04T14:53:14Z")
Gnomes would win any battle with mere mortals, because they’re a monster now-- they have a lair! ---
**Author:** ![SpinyNorma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SpinyNorma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpinyNorma)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/169 "2008-12-04T15:00:53Z")
Quote: Originally Posted by Frodo Also, i must say that i find the continuous use of bad puns ignomenious, the very antignomy of what this boards represent. Gah! Egnough, already! Yes, I quite agree. People here obviously have a deeply dwarfed sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Klytus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Klytus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klytus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/170 "2008-12-04T15:35:25Z")
> [@SpinyNorma](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Frodo > Also, i must say that i find the continuous use of bad puns ignomenious, the very antignomy of what this boards represent. > > Gah! Egnough, already! > Yes, I quite agree. People here obviously have a deeply dwarfed sense of humor. You are gnot gnormal. ---
**Author:** ![SpinyNorma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@SpinyNorma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpinyNorma)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2008, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/171 "2008-12-04T15:44:09Z")
> [@Klytus](#): > > You are gnot gnormal. I can disprove that–for a gnominal fee, of course. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/172 "2008-12-05T16:05:13Z")
As yet no flashing Christmas lights, but… Three plastic angels have appeared twixt Gnomes. Has the man no pity? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/173 "2008-12-05T17:28:49Z")
I’m holding out for the reindeer with the flashing red bulb in its nose. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/174 "2008-12-05T17:37:35Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > I’m holding out for the reindeer with the flashing red bulb in its nose. It’ll arrive I guarantee it:( Wait a minute, in its nose ? You mean _for_ a nose I hope ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/175 "2008-12-05T17:41:07Z")
> [@chowder](#): > > It’ll arrive I guarantee it:( > > Wait a minute, in its nose ? > > You mean _for_ a nose I hope Okay, okay – FOR a nose IN its SNOUT. Better? Sheesh, shove a few gnomes and plastic angels and stuff in a man’s face and he turns into some kinda nitpicky monster! :rolleyes: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/176 "2008-12-05T17:42:06Z")
What _is_ this? Has this thread been in the Pit the whole time or did some moderator (who will be punished) just move it here? How did I not notice this thread? ::glares suspiciously at all this silliness:: ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/177 "2008-12-05T17:55:06Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > What _is_ this? Has this thread been in the Pit the whole time or did some moderator (who will be punished) just move it here? How did I not notice this thread? > > ::glares suspiciously at all this silliness:: Well yes it has been here all the time. It started out as a rant against my knobhead neighbour but rapidly went downhill. But hey, it’s been fun, when he (neighbour) finally gets his gnomes and such lit up, who know what’ll happen ---
**Author:** ![Klytus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Klytus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klytus)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/178 "2008-12-05T18:40:47Z")
> [@SpinyNorma](#): > > I can disprove that–for a gnominal fee, of course. Have you gnomercy? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/179 "2008-12-05T19:06:11Z")
Gnomes in the yard are a good indication that the neighbor is a Stalinist using the necrognomeicon. Damn Commies! McCarthy would take care of those gnomes and that neighbor. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302/180 "2008-12-05T19:38:55Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > I’m surprised no-one has asked the question yet, but who would win if a leprechaun and a gnome came to blows? Eww, I definitely don’t want to see what happens if a leprechaun blows a gnome! Or visa versa. ETA: If a leprechaun has his way with a unwilling yard gnome, would that be statutory rape? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/garden-gnomes/474302.md?page=10)