# Gaudere's Law my ptootie! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 21, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305 "2001-08-21T05:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/1 "2001-08-21T05:29:35Z")
We all know Gaudere’s Law: 1. Gaudere cannot injure another doper or, through inaction, allow a doper to come to harm. Oh wait. OK, those that point out the typo of one poster will inevitably have a typo in his or her own post. Well, that’s all well and good, but we need more laws, by golly. Without that, it’s anarchy! And anarchy is just one step away from Ann Arbor and Lord help us all if that happens. So, anyway, I propose another Law for the books. Call it Ender’s Law: Posters that refer to their sigs within a post will forget to add said sigs to the end of their post. Simple, but true. Any others? ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/2 "2001-08-21T10:23:25Z")
Posters that make frequent or excessive use of coding tags will \*inevitably leave one out and ruin the appearance of their entire post. Call it _ **Zenster** _’s \*law. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/3 "2001-08-21T10:39:06Z")
SPOOFE’s Laws: A person who asks for a cite will be asked for a cite. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/4 "2001-08-21T12:22:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*SPOOFE’s Laws: > > A person who asks for a cite will be asked for a cite. \*\* Can I have a cite for that? Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/5 "2001-08-21T12:34:22Z")
Blackclaw’s law The amount of unsupported evidence offered in a post is in direct correlation to the level of bs in the poster’s point of arguement. _This law was developed not here, but on various chemtrail sites._ ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/6 "2001-08-21T14:07:48Z")
Participation in debates about Middle East will only lead to suffering. Call it **magdalene’s** law. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/7 "2001-08-21T14:22:56Z")
screech-owl’s Law: Only upon hitting the “Submit Reply” button will the true meaning of the OP become crystal clear, meaning the unrecallable post being submitted is completely wrong, inane or just plain idiotic. [sub]Gawd forbid we have ‘Ann Arbor’ and her twin sister ‘Dear Anarchy’ near each other, Enderw24. The whole world would just implode.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/8 "2001-08-21T14:40:13Z")
**stoli’s first law of the pit** Whenever anyone posts a rant about anything, within five posts someone will cleverly reply in the style the OP was ranting about. **axiom** Optionally, an addendum may indicate that the poster is “ducking and running”. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/9 "2001-08-21T15:25:22Z")
**RickJay’s First Law (Law of Moon Hoax Certainty):** There is a certainty that a “NASA moon landing conspiracy” thread will be started within 45 days of the last one dropping off the hotlist. _First Corollary:_ The thread starter will probably never be heard from again. This probability approaches 1 proportional to the newbieness of the starter. **RickJay’s Second Law:** No matter how the OP is phrased, what forum it is in, or what question or comment it offers, any thread concerning Microsoft or Bill Gates will become an OS Holy War. _First Corollary:_ In any thread concerning Microsoft or PCs in general, the probability of someone claiming that Macs are better approaches 1 as the thread nears 50 posts. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/10 "2001-08-21T15:38:11Z")
**Coldfire’s Trans-Atlantic Law** [list=1][li]Any thread -no matter how serious- regarding cultural/political/economical differences between the United States of America and “Europe” has a high chance of becoming Pit Material.[/li]Any such thread _started_ in the Pit is doomed.[/list=1] ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/11 "2001-08-21T15:50:50Z")
**mouthbreather’s law** Any thread for flirting will be ruined by me, as I come in and drop the love bomb on all the ladies in the house. Then I will be so busy loving them all up and down, and the thread will die. I know it hurts, but I’m just that smooth. Call it a curse. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/12 "2001-08-21T15:58:28Z")
Law 6: There shall be no Law 6 Mind if we call you Bruce? ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/13 "2001-08-21T16:12:46Z")
Odie’s law…inevitably you will leave out the most important word from the post turning it to gibberish. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/14 "2001-08-21T16:14:53Z")
Whose law was the “Hitler”-comparison law? The one by which any thread where some adversary is compared to Adolf Hitler is logistically dead and on the fast track to being locked? And for my own contribution, AHunter’s law: The likelihood of your browser software suddenly crashing increases exponentially as a function of the length and seriousness of the post you are composing ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/15 "2001-08-21T16:48:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > **Whose law was the “Hitler”-comparison law? The one by which any thread where some adversary is compared to Adolf Hitler is logistically dead and on the fast track to being locked?** Godwin’s Law. For any debate, there is a certain probably that one side will compare the other to Hitler or the Nazis. When this happens, any chance for rational continuance of the debate is gone. FWIW, the accusing side lost. Corollary: For any debate involving homosexuality or Heinlein, the probability of Godwin’s Law being invoked is 1. Sublight’s Law: If Poster A writes a thorough, well-researched reply to an OP, only to be followed by Poster B spouting a half-assed, inaccurate, drive-by answer, the writer of the OP will reply with “Thanks for the info, B!” –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/16 "2001-08-21T16:49:12Z")
**AHunter3** , it’s called Godwin’s Law. Paraphrased, it’s that the longer a thread goes on, the chance that Nazis or Hitler is referenced approaches 1. When this happens, the thread is done with. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/17 "2001-08-21T16:58:05Z")
Odie’s law two. When you start a thread it will either get one response or ninety. ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/18 "2001-08-21T16:59:17Z")
Werfect’s Law - Beer will result in regrettable posts.\* Corollary - Beer by many posters at once in the same location will transmute the above result into wacky hijinks. \*[sub](Not that I would ever email a mod amd ask them to remove a regrettable post. I take responsibility for my irresponsibility.)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/19 "2001-08-21T17:01:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AHunter3 \* > > The likelihood of your browser software suddenly crashing increases exponentially as a function of the length and seriousness of the post you are composing I’ve fallen victim to this one more than a few times… ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305/20 "2001-08-21T17:25:02Z")
A year or two ago on another board I used to post on I introduced **Lamia’s Law** : “Do not expect people to realize that you are joking or being sarcastic when you post something intentionally outrageous. No matter how obviously stupid, bigoted, wrongheaded, or downright crazy your post is, someone somewhere on the Internet has already posted the same thing _and meant it_.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gauderes-law-my-ptootie/77305.md?page=2)