# Gay Bathroom Culture Question **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 2, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789 "2000-01-02T19:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/1 "2000-01-02T19:21:00Z")
More back when I was a wee lad, but even on occassion now, I would see messages scribed into the walls of public bathrooms that read: Looking to give BJ 09-12-89 7:15pm Red jacket by 3rd stall Now then, since I wasn’t in the market to gave strange guys do that sort of thing to me, I can’t say I ever popped by at 7:15. However, it seems to me that this is a better way to get the crap beat out of you than to get some sort of earthly delight. So, I figure… (A) Gay bashers post such notes in order to beat up those who show up (B) Gay people post such notes and are beaten up by gay bashers who respond © Both A & B occur, which would make for an interesting sight. (D) Gay people post such notes and are met by other gay people and all is well. Anyone know which of those was most frequent? Like I said, it seems like a hoax to me, but then I guess it was harder to meet homosexuals back then which would explain why you don’t see as many notes now (more acceptance). But even still, there’s got to be a better way. Oh well… such is the mind of white heterosexual upper-middle class suburban youth. * * * “I guess one person can make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.” ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2000, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/2 "2000-01-02T19:42:00Z")
I don’t know whether this counts, because I’m pretty sure it’s fiction, but there is a short story, _parade_ by David Sedaris (which you can find in the book, _Barrel Fever_ ), in which the main character goes to public mens rooms pretty much just to meet other men to have sex with. That’s not what the entire story is about, of course, but it’s part of the plot. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2000, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/3 "2000-01-02T19:46:00Z")
There’s a website that I don’t really want to post a link for because a) it’s pretty raunchy and b) I think it might be to some degree commercial that will give you quite the lowdown on that world. Run a search on Yahoo for the words “cruising” and “sex” and you’ll find it. It’s quite surprising (I guess maybe not to some folks). They don’t seem to talk about getting beat up very much, but there are some references to physical danger. Their main worries seem to concern law enforcement. It forever changed my perspective on public parks and roadside rest areas (I smoke, but not in my car - on road trips I had been in the habit of stopping at rest areas to have a cig - little did I realize what appearance I must have given to some - live and learn). ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/4 "2000-01-03T00:47:00Z")
Cruising is fun for some people. They like it. In Chicago th Forest Preserves are full of it. Not only that but prostitutes and druggies as well. Most of it is subtle and straight folk or people not looking for it aren’t aware. ---
**Author:** ![Cooper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@Cooper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cooper)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/5 "2000-01-03T01:44:00Z")
From random stuff I’ve come across on the net (yes, I look in some pretty dark pits sometimes 😛 ) it seems like public rest stops are second only to adult bookstores in a place for gay/bi men to meet for exchange of anonymous sexual favors. The author of one article felt that it was really not much different than the typical one night stand, just more efficient. Next time you are in a public rest stop bathroom stall, check and see if there is a hole drilled between the stalls. This whole should be large enough to accomodate…well you get the idea. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/6 "2000-01-03T01:57:00Z")
::shuddering:: Ewewew! -Melin ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/7 "2000-01-03T05:07:00Z")
Beatle: I think i know what site you were talking about. I was looking for it to see if they listed any of the ones locally, and woah, I will never look at the local Mariott with the same eyes! They listed a beach i’ve heard was a nude beach (that didnt surprise me), and they also listed a park where I’ve hiked before in also. Really puts a new perspective on things for me now lol. ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/8 "2000-01-03T13:56:00Z")
- - - I have a course textbook titled “Deviant Behavior” - I bought it from a closeout mail-order seller for $4. (I _really_ couldn’t resist that title, especially at that price) It has a whole chapter devoted to homosexuality/lesbianism and notes these sorts of “anonymous” sexual encounters, mostly focusing on gay men because that’s the majority of people involved. There was a couple pages on “truck-stop” etiquette alone. I can’t explain much more without risking being deleted. There were only two chapters in that book that surprised me, this was one of them. - MC - - - “Knowledge Is Power” ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/9 "2000-01-03T14:21:00Z")
Well it looks like I am the first gay person to respond to this thread. I have to say that yes, gaybashers sometimes post, sometimes people get gay-bashed for reading/responding to the postings, sometimes the people are **not** gay, and sometimes gay people hook up this way. The website that was mentioned earlier is [www.cruisingforsex.com.](http://www.cruisingforsex.com.) I don’t condone that type of behaviour, nor do I participate in it. It is easy enough to pick someone up at a place where you don’t have to be worried about being arrested and then have sex in the safety of your or his house, plus it is more enjoyable. My ex-roommate (not a boyfriend…just a sleazebag) never had a real boyfriend of his own because he only cruised for sex. He was only ever interested in one thing and it showed. Anyway, the younger generation of gay people (those who have come out since AIDS) tend to cruise very little or not at all. The majority of the cruisers out there are the ones who were either out in the seventies or before (if they are still alive), came of age in the seventies (not necessarily had sex though), or are just too desparate to put in the requisite time to develop a relationship. HUGS! Sqrl * * * Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/10 "2000-01-04T06:01:00Z")
I remember walking through Buena Vista park in San Francisco and seeing men just standing around in the bushes or by a tree. I didn’t understand why all of them didn’t get together for a love fest, but I guess they got their jollies from lurking. I don’t really have anything to add, but a gay friend of mine, Nathan, cruises on a regular basis. I don’t think anyone takes the bathroom messages seriously - it’s easier to get it elsewhere. * * * Formerly unknown as “Melanie” ---
**Author:** ![RobRoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7ba0ec/32.png) [@RobRoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobRoy)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/11 "2000-01-03T22:40:00Z")
“I remember walking through Buena Vista park in San Francisco and seeing men just standing around in the bushes or by a tree. I didn’t understand why all of them didn’t get together for a love fest, but I guess they got their jollies from lurking.” That’s possible, but many cruise spots exhibit an interesting phenomenon - while you might think using such places is a practice for people who aren’t very picky - sometimes the opposite is true. Hooking up is based on physical type ONlY. So many times, although all of the usual suspects are incredibly horny (sex addiction) their ideal “type” may not be present. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/12 "2000-01-03T22:47:00Z")
MC ??? WHAT WAS THE OTHER ONE? Cartooniverse " If you want to kiss the sky, you’d better learn how to kneel. " ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/13 "2000-01-04T05:57:00Z")
At the university I attend, the bathroom messages are used mostly by gay-bashers to find someone to beat up. We get numerous freshman beatings every year because they don’t know yet that the offers are not legitimate. * * * Born O.K. the first time… If you are born again, do you have two belly-buttons? ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/14 "2000-01-04T09:17:00Z")
- - - Cruisingforsex is pretty hilarious! I note that the National Shrine of Our Lady Of The Snows [Belleville, IL] (which I live just down the highways a bit from) is listed; that also being the location that local Catholic Ray Dorian has been having visions of the Virgin Mary (when it’s warm outside), with attendant crowds. I’d never have guessed, but there _were_ a lot of people wandering around out there, , , , ! - I wonder if the management knows about this listing? - MC - - - “pretty f\*\*\*\*\*\*\* funny!” ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/15 "2000-01-04T16:10:00Z")
In SF, is was BATHHOUSES where they went. With AIDs, however, many bathhouses have been closed. In Monterey,California, the gay bar just recently closed. I believe the statistics that the average gay man has 1000 sex partners. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/16 "2000-01-04T17:15:00Z")
Handy, if true, that would certainly seem to be a dangerous lifestyle, even assuming the practice of “safe” sex. But I’m wondering what study quoted that average. Do you happen to recall? - Rick ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/17 "2000-01-05T06:16:00Z")
I have seen that statistic before. I think it is horribly innacurate for the general gay population now, but before AIDS and for the people who did not contract HIV, that was highly likely. I have said this before, but the younger gay population is significantly different than the older gay population. Sex is one thing. We as young gay individuals tend to either date/commit to a relationship or series of relationships (several months to a years worth of relationships over and over and over and over ad nauseum again). The few younger gay people who sleep around are in the vast minority. You would be hard pressed to make 1000 men that you have slept with in a serial relationship category, but it is possible, especially as you start getting older. The sluttiest guy I know has had sex with 48 different people in the last 12 months (he keeps track of names, dates and times, and has had sex with a total of 54 people in his life. He is now 29). He sleeps with many more people by far than anyone else I know. The usual number is between 4-15 for any single individual not in a relationship with some variation but not anything significant. This was not the case before the eighties which is probably when handy’s “statistic” was written if at all. If you do an age bracket breakdown of the gay men, there will be a vast drop in the number of partners in people under 40 years old. Oh on another note, I did some volunteer work in an AIDS hospice a while back and one of the men there (incidently he was in his early sixties) was from San Francisco during the sixties and seventies and later moved to New York City. He said that on average he had sex with about four strangers a day for almost the entire time he was there. He also had several boyfriends whom he cheated on. Anyway, there is no comparison between his stories and the stories of todays youth. HUGS! Sqrl * * * Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/18 "2000-01-04T19:16:00Z")
- - - Okay, I went and got it from the storage unit, as I had to look for something else also: Title: Deviant Behavior (third edition) Author: Alex Thio (noted as affiliated with Ohio University) ISBN: 0-06-046683-9 Copyright 1988 by HarperCollins_Publishers_, Inc. - Chapter Listing (rated, 1 = boring, 10 = a hoot and a half) ## Ch 1 - What Is Deviant Behavior? (zzzz) Ch 2 - Traditional Theories of Deviance (zzzz) Ch 3 - Modern Theories of Deviance (zzzz) Ch 4 - A Theoretical Integration (zzzz) Ch 5 - Murder (7.5) Ch 6 - Rape (7.5) Ch 7 - Robbery (5) Ch 8 - Prostitution (8) Ch 9 - Homosexuality (9.5) Ch 10 - Swinging (9.5) Ch 11 - Suicide (5) Ch 12 - Mental Illness (6) Ch 13 - Illegal Drug Use (4) Ch 14 - Alcohol Use and Abuse (3) Ch 15 - Organized Crime (5) Ch 16 - White-Collar Crime (3) Ch 17 - Governmental Deviance (2) - - not bad for four bucks - MC ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/19 "2000-01-05T01:47:00Z")
Bricker, maybe I can find it for you somewhere it was from the 70’s I think. MC: most of that looks normal if youre from a dysfunctional family. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789/20 "2000-01-05T02:22:00Z")
Handy, with all due respect, I would suggest that a study from the 1970s on the number of partners the average homosexual man has would have vanishingly small relevance today. No expert I on the ins and outs of the homosexual world (nor did I intend a pun there) but SqrlCub makes a great deal of sense when suggesting that the advent of AIDS drastically changed such behavior, with its grim reminder of the consequences of promiscuity. - Rick [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-bathroom-culture-question/5789.md?page=2)