# Gay Dopers: how do you come out at work? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537 "2004-10-27T20:37:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/21 "2004-10-28T15:09:32Z")
I couldn’t be in a workplace where I couldn’t be out to begin with. I think I’ve had a rainbow flag on all the desks in all the desk jobs I’ve had. I’ve had some homophobic moments, particularly (ironically) when I was working at Dairy Queen (the boss talked about “fags” to my face, someone jokingly accused me of pedophilia, and one cow orker completely flipped out when I mentioned my bf and ran from the room.) Also, my ex once got fired on trumped-up stealing charges (i.e. they had proof he _didn’t_ do it, which he saw, and they fired him anyway) probably because of that giant homophobe of a manager of his. Anyway, right now in my office, I have a huge rainbow flag over my window, cute boy pics on the walls, a disco ball over my computer, and gay porn and _Dykes To Watch Out For_ in the bookcases. Of course, I work at home 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/22 "2004-10-28T21:53:20Z")
I may well end up put tomorrow, as I will be dressed as a fairy princess. But a butch surly fairy princess. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/23 "2004-10-28T21:54:52Z")
put? OUT! God, I’m tired. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/24 "2004-10-28T22:26:38Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > put? > > OUT! Well I certainly hope so, in that purty frock. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/25 "2004-10-28T22:27:49Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > But a butch surly fairy princess. Will “butch” and “surly” just be the attitude? Or are you growing some stubble and having a cigar in your mouth too? 😃 I just found out the Gorgeous Gay Guy[sup]TM[/sup] at my workplace is going as a stripper. How in the underworld am I going to get any work done? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/26 "2004-10-28T22:53:59Z")
Here’s what you do: On the 60 day anniversary of your transfer date, come in wearing a pink sweater, matching kilt and 4-inch spike heel Manolo Blahniks. That oughtta do it. You’re welcome! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/27 "2004-10-28T23:32:29Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > I just wear my pride bracelet and put a rainbow streamer on my desk. When someone asked if I had girlfriend, I held up my wrist, pointed to my bracelet and smiled. > > “Oh,” she said. “Do you have a boyfriend?” What does a pride bracelet look like? I’m one of those people who doesn’t notice other people’s clothing, etc., so I’m thinking surely one could have slid under my radar before. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/28 "2004-10-28T23:34:15Z")
A pride bracelet can look like any of [these](http://www.alwaysproud.com/jewelry_bracelets.htm). The rainbow flag, a pink triangle, etc. ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/29 "2004-10-28T23:37:44Z")
Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/30 "2004-10-28T23:53:54Z")
I’ve had to come out as straight… to a lot of people… including my mom. I attract gay coworkers, which is fine by me, as most of my best friends through the years have been gay. A lot of gay guys try to shock me with graphic stories of sexual exploits, but I’m pretty much unshockable, so they like me even more afterwards. “Are you sure honey? Cause if you are gay, that’s okay” at a time when I was not interested in girls at all. I’m a tomboy, who did have a “i like girls” phase, but more just to look at. I’m officially bisexual (I would consider dating either sex), but I’m in a long-term monogamous relationship with a boy, so no girl sex for me. ---
**Author:** ![jkusters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/fbc32d/32.png) [@jkusters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jkusters)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/31 "2004-10-29T00:00:47Z")
Like many others, I am casually out at the office. It does not come up in an interview, though since I tend to wear my rainbow ring at all times, and some clue-enabled people have figured it out from that. I have pictures of my partner on my desk, I’ve had a small rainbow flag at my desk at previous workplaces (not at my current workplace since I’m contracting and am trying to keep my personal belongings to a minimum to make it easier to take it all home if the contract suddenly gets terminated, which happens in this industry), and I do not change pronouns when I talk about what my partner and I do outside of work. Honestly, it never takes long for people to figure things out, and if there’s a rumor mill talking about me, it’s never gotten back to me. It’s just another aspect of my life that people find out by talking socially with me, at the same level as the fact that I run sci-fi cons, write fiction, enjoy baking, and like to eat out a lot. JOhn. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/32 "2004-10-29T01:03:02Z")
IANAGD but I have something else to be “out” or “not out” about in the workplace — the schizzy lib thing. When I was a social worker I spoke about it because it was at least somewhat relevant to the sphere of social work. When my next major job was in an unrelated industry (database design for a tech company reselling design software to fashion companies) I didn’t go through all that and then one day sent an email with a screen shot attachment to my bosses with the subject line “Check this out!”. Problem a) No file attachment. I guess I made the screen shot, composed the email, and sent it without attaching the damn JPEG. Problem b) I sent it from my home email account, which has my web site referenced in the default signature line. Problem c) Stemming logically from A and B, the bosses, upon receiving an otherwise empty email titled “Check this out!” consisting in its entirety of my sig and link, clicked the link. So by 9:05 that morning I was very much out and we had an interesting conversation. Two nervous bosses and one who shrugged and said “Yeah I figured you forgot to attach something”. My rule is that if it becomes relevant — either to the work, to workplace policy, or to conversations as they just happen to come up at work — I’m going to talk about it. I don’t get all Alliance for the Mentally Ill / politically correct on someone who says “This is driving me mad” or “I think my computer is schizophrenic, yesterday it worked well and today it’s crashed five times” but if the subjects of psychiatry or forced treatment or psych medication come up that’s a different thing and I’m likely to insert my perspective into any such conversation. It hasn’t happened at my current gig and it’s always disconcerting, like waiting for the bell to ring or the shoe to drop. There’s always the possibility of another unplanned outing like the one described above and I’d always rather control the circumstances under which it becomes known to coworkers and bosses. (In particular I don’t want it coming out as a fact unaccompanied by the political fact that I’m open and activist about it rather than hiding it!) ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/33 "2004-10-29T01:06:42Z")
:smack: And of course Gaudere’s Law, Codicil #37 or something, says that when you tell a tale of an email with a missing attachment you’ll do so via a post with a nonworking link in it. [Schizzy lib stuff](http://members.bellatlantic.net/~adhdah/) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/34 "2004-10-29T01:08:52Z")
I have no idea what they know or don’t know about me at work, but since I’ve marched in parades and written letters to editors, I wouldn’t be surprised if at least a few people knew. Nice thing is, I don’t think it would raise so much as an eyebrow. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/35 "2004-10-29T01:45:19Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > (database design for a tech company reselling design software to fashion companies) Was it by chance Maker’s Automated Clerk? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/36 "2004-10-29T02:42:18Z")
> [@Hamish](#): > > Will “butch” and “surly” just be the attitude? Or are you growing some stubble and having a cigar in your mouth too? Actually I grew a goatee for last year’s costume, a pro wrestler (with a co-worker as my sexy manager) and everyone liked it so much I kept it. > [@Hamish](#): > > I just found out the Gorgeous Gay Guy[sup]TM[/sup] at my workplace is going as a stripper. How in the underworld am I going to get any work done? Your job for the day is STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER. In as many senses of that word as possible. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/37 "2004-10-29T04:14:26Z")
**Dooku** : > [@](#): > > Was it by chance Maker’s Automated Clerk? No, I’m a FileMaker geek and I was hired to take over maintenance and development of a vertical-market shrinkwrapped FileMaker solution called _LineView_ and to develop another called _SpecView_. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/38 "2004-10-29T04:22:18Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > A pride bracelet can look like any of [these](http://www.alwaysproud.com/jewelry_bracelets.htm). The rainbow flag, a pink triangle, etc. Hey! How come the “Bi-Pride” bracelets are those hideous shades of pink and purple, when the gay pride ones are nice rainbow colors? It’s discrimination, I tell you! ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/39 "2004-10-29T08:21:03Z")
> [@InternetLegend](#): > > Hey! How come the “Bi-Pride” bracelets are those hideous shades of pink and purple, when the gay pride ones are nice rainbow colors? It’s discrimination, I tell you! Well, it came down to two really strong sample designs for the Bi-Pride bracelets, but they could just never decide on one or the other. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537/40 "2004-10-29T19:03:13Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > **Dooku** : > > No, I’m a FileMaker geek and I was hired to take over maintenance and development of a vertical-market shrinkwrapped FileMaker solution called _LineView_ and to develop another called _SpecView_. Ah. I ask b/c I interned with Stephen Ryza at I.S.S. in college (before they turned M.A.C. into Oak Street) - just wondered if I knew ya. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-dopers-how-do-you-come-out-at-work/271537.md?page=3)