# Gay guy with a straight friend prob. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 18, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705 "2002-05-18T15:25:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/21 "2002-05-18T20:31:13Z")
featherlou Oddly enough, he might just say that! ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/22 "2002-05-18T21:59:44Z")
I’m gay and in my workplace I’m surrounded with str8 guys, many of whom are hot. None of them seem to have a problem with me (I’m out at work), but once this hottie came into my cube with revisions for a checking copy of a chapter I gave him. I was sitting, he was standing. I could totally see the outline of his dick through his jeans. Like, I mean, size, shape, and everything. I couldn’t help but stare at his package. Luckily it appeared as if I were looking at the printouts on my desk. Anyway, it was a bit of a rush. One of my co-workers has an obvious wad that’s evident every time I ask him something and he turns around in his chair. However, we’ve worked together for so long that it does nothing for me - it’s become almost incestuous for me to think of anyone in my group that way. Anyway, **Wargreymon** , ask the guy to go to the gym with you. Get him in the shower afterward and see if he pops a woodie. 😉 - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/23 "2002-05-18T22:37:15Z")
For what it’s worth, I used to work with a man who would walk into my office and do this- he had the crotch grab habit and didn’t even realize he was contantly adjusting, etc. Finally one day I said “Tom. Could you PLEASE stop grabbing your crotch when you’re speaking to me? For Gods sake, do you do that in front of customers? Here’s a tip: everyone talks about your crotch grabbing behind your back. I’m telling you to your face because you’re my friend. Stop it. It’s nasty” YMMV, but it worked. He laughed, stopped with the crotch grabbing, and everyone was happier. I wasn’t turned on by it, I was totally grossed out, frankly. I kept thinking “damn, that boy must have ants in his pants or a raging yeast on his balls to be scratching and adjusting all the time like that”. Zette ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/24 "2002-05-18T23:56:04Z")
Here’s one way to nudge yourself closer to knowing - have you ever observed him to play this level of pocket pool anywhere OTHER than right in front of you? Like standing in front of the copier, for example. If it’s something that he only does when he’s talking to you, then there may indeed be a connection between your presence and his presents. ---
**Author:** ![Potter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Potter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Potter)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/25 "2002-05-19T00:17:27Z")
I had a deputy manager who as far as I was aware was completely straight. So it took the longest time of me thinking _Shit, is he actually coming on to me??_ and then deciding I must be nuts and just letting it ride, thinking it as just odd behaviour but no biggie and nothing much to make a fuss over. I promptly changed my mind when he cornered me in the storeroom in an obviously aroused state. Thing is, as I had done little-to-nothing to discourage his previous behaviour (brushing up against me and hesistating a fraction too long, discussing jerking off in waaaay too much detail for a workplace, asking about my boif and how my sexlife was going these days etc) as I thought I was imagining things, he’d quite convinced himself I was interested. I happened to be the ‘lucky’ guy he’d decided to experiment with:rolleyes: Eventually I had to involve my manager, as apparently BACK OFF meant little to him. So, if you’re not interested, I’d just ask, comment, _something_, just so everyone’s clear on the situation. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/26 "2002-05-19T01:19:32Z")
My brother used to do this I would say ‘So, is it still there?’ ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/27 "2002-05-19T01:43:10Z")
Boys, girls, it’s cold shower time. Sorry! Maybe it’s the lawyer in me on hyperdrive (the noise is actually drowning out the hard-up fag in me with a bit of a straight-boy fetish - the planets must be in one helluvan alignment…). But I gotta ask: Does this guy report to you? And if the answer is no - does your company have some ludicrous no-tolerance sexual harrassment policy? If you don’t know, now would be a good time to find out. At a time when jobs are hard to come by…;). Be careful, kids. It’s only fun until somebody loses a career. (But if the policy’s normal and he can consent, and he does, and you get him…oh, man…\ oh, wait, that’s a joke :D)) ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/28 "2002-05-19T02:47:15Z")
I don’t get this “adjusting” thing. I’ve never had to adjust anything. Everything falls into place, no matter what position I’m in. I’m certainly not going to stick my hand down my pants at work and re-arrange my twig & berries. Maybe this guy’s jeans are too tight. Maybe he wears briefs and not boxers, or the other way around. I don’t know. Even though I’m surrounded by young, str8 hotties at work, if one of them came into my cube and stuck his hand down his pants and “adjusted” himself, I’d be pretty freaked out. IMO, this guy should do his adjustments when he’s got some privacy, not in front of anyone else, especially someone he knows is gay. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/29 "2002-05-19T04:53:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stv \* > \*\*I would definitely not adujst and fiddle with my penis in front of a girl-- or run up to her with a hard-on-- unless I was sending signals. By fiddling at the right time, it’s kind of letting the other person know about your penis. Obviously they know you _have a penis_, but by drawing attention to it casually, it puts the thought of your penis in their head, even if unconsciously. \*\* I’d like to make it clear to our less-experienced young men that this is **not** a good way to let most girls know you’re interested. The vast majority of girls, upon seeing you fiddling with your genitals, are much more likely to think “what a perv” or “raging yeast infection” than “he’s interested in me.” And even if they **do** get it that you’re interested, they’ll probably have lost interest themselves. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/30 "2002-05-19T15:15:36Z")
Isn’t this a form of sexual harrassment? ---
**Author:** ![madcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@madcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madcat)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/31 "2002-05-19T15:34:46Z")
Paranoia leaning options to consider (posted by a straight woman who is always careful to seperate work & play ): He might want you to make a pass at him at work so he can: 1. take early retirement off the resulting "nasty old man trying to corrupt innocent lad’ lawsuit. 2. have you canned & move up to your job. 3)beat the hoo-hah out of you to prove what a heterosexual man he is. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/32 "2002-05-19T17:35:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chef Troy \* > \*\*Here’s one way to nudge yourself closer to knowing - have you ever observed him to play this level of pocket pool anywhere OTHER than right in front of you? Like standing in front of the copier, for example. > > If it’s something that he only does when he’s talking to you, then there may indeed be a connection between your presence and his presents. \*\* I’m fairly certain that I’ve never seen him going thru the motions as he does with me anywhere else in the office. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/33 "2002-05-19T17:42:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OxyMoron \* > \*\*Boys, girls, it’s cold shower time. Sorry! > Does this guy report to you? > > And if the answer is no - does your company have some ludicrous no-tolerance sexual harrassment policy? > > If you don’t know, now would be a good time to find out. > > (But if the policy’s normal and he can consent, and he does, and you get him…oh, man…\ oh, wait, that’s a joke :D)) \*\* He doesn’t report to me, but in a real sense, I’m subordinate to him. Little clue: we work for an agency, so policy is no joke! Hell, he’s 25 so he can consent to whatever he wants! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/34 "2002-05-19T17:45:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by InternetLegend \* > \*\*I’d like to make it clear to our less-experienced young men that this is **not** a good way to let most girls know you’re interested. The vast majority of girls, upon seeing you fiddling with your genitals, are much more likely to think “what a perv” or “raging yeast infection” than “he’s interested in me.” And even if they **do** get it that you’re interested, they’ll probably have lost interest themselves. \*\* I’m not condoning such an action, but obviously it was somewhat effective with **Wargreymon**. Too much, IMO _is_ gross, but who’s to say that if done very sparingly and subtly it wouldn’t be effective with others? stv ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/35 "2002-05-19T17:45:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\*Isn’t this a form of sexual harrassment? \*\* Only if I were offended and I’m not. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/36 "2002-05-19T17:49:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stv \* > \*\* > > Too much, IMO _is_ gross, but who’s to say that if done very sparingly and subtly it wouldn’t be effective with others? > > stv \*\* Forgive me for being dense, but _IMO_? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/37 "2002-05-19T17:58:54Z")
In My Opinion. Welcome to the boards, Wargrey. My name is matt\_mcl and I’ll be your gay guy on the board, along with Esprix (the Gay Guy, p.b.u.h.), Hastur, Otto, scott evil, Potter, andygirl, tiburon, Anthracite (the last three are the Board Lesbians,) and the rest of the Rainbow Coalition. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/38 "2002-05-19T17:58:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by madcat \* > > He might want you to make a pass at him at work so he can: > > 1. take early retirement off the resulting "nasty old man trying to corrupt innocent lad’ lawsuit. > 2. have you canned & move up to your job. > 3)beat the hoo-hah out of you to prove what a heterosexual > man he is. \*\* I truly believe that your points, tho valid, are not warranted in this case. Even tho we’ve only known each other for a little over two years, we’ve managed to develop a very tight friendship. We know way too much about each other for this to be a concern at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/39 "2002-05-19T18:06:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*In My Opinion. > > Welcome to the boards, Wargrey. My name is matt\_mcl and I’ll be your gay guy on the board, along with Esprix (the Gay Guy, p.b.u.h.), Hastur, Otto, scott evil, Potter, andygirl, tiburon, Anthracite (the last three are the Board Lesbians,) and the rest of the Rainbow Coalition. \*\* Nice to meet you Matt! Thanks for the support! I honestly didn’t know that I would generate this much positive response to my situation. I had come to see message boards as playgrounds for hyperactive 3 year olds! The level of interest and concern has truly touched me and I’m glad that I’m here and I want to thank everyone for sharing their thoughts and concerns with me! Peace to all! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/40 "2002-05-19T18:23:17Z")
The interest of your co-worker may be very much there, but on an unconcious level that is working itself out in pocket jai-alai(an aerobic version of pocket pool). Sometimes it isn’t wise to ask about these things I’ve found. Were I you, I’d draw up a list of what you might gain and what you might lose by asking him about this. Think it over carefully because once the door is open, everything is different between the two of you. Think of it as Moonlighting before and after they got together. Before it was fun and light… after, well it was often repulsive and dysfunctional. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705.md?page=3)