# Gay guy with a straight friend prob. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 18, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705 "2002-05-18T15:25:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/41 "2002-05-19T18:26:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*My name is matt\_mcl and I’ll be your gay guy on the board, along with Esprix (the Gay Guy, p.b.u.h.), Hastur, Otto, scott evil, Potter, andygirl, tiburon, Anthracite (the last three are the Board Lesbians,) and the rest of the Rainbow Coalition. \*\* You forgot **pbrtallboy** , **gobear** , and my current crush, **Jerevan Somerville** , dear. 😉 Anyway, not to hijack the thread… This guy’s adjusting himself to what seems an extreme seems to me very unusual and inappropriate. Like I already said, I’m surrounded by young, str8 hotties at work, but if one came into my cube and started fiddling with his wad, I wouldn’t be turned on at all. Rather, I’d be pissed off, thinking “Is he doing this because he knows I’m gay and wants to get a rise [no pun intended] out of me?” Then I’d be disgusted. There’s a time and a place for adjusting one’s package, and it’s not in front of someone else, be they male, female, str8, or gay. I think this guy is a freak. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/42 "2002-05-19T18:27:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > In My Opinion. > > Welcome to the boards, Wargrey. My name is matt\_mcl and I’ll be your gay **guy** on the board, along with Esprix (the Gay Guy, p.b.u.h.), Hastur, Otto, scott evil, Potter, andygirl, tiburon, Anthracite (the last three are the Board Lesbians,) and the rest of the Rainbow Coalition. I don’t know whether this was Freudian slip, an invite or if matt meant to say he would be wargrey’s guide. Hell maybe all of the above. Any thoughts people? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/43 "2002-05-19T18:31:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Welcome to the boards, Wargrey. My name is matt\_mcl and I’ll be your gay guy on the board, along with Esprix (the Gay Guy, p.b.u.h.), Hastur, Otto, scott evil, Potter, andygirl, tiburon, Anthracite (the last three are the Board Lesbians,) and the rest of the Rainbow Coalition. \*\* _sigh_ I’ll never make it out of the chorus! jayjay (I want **billing** , dammit!) ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/44 "2002-05-19T18:48:34Z")
Okay, I confess… I used to have a straight guy habit. (To all the straight people out there, I apologize if any of the following sounds offensive. It’s simply a recollection of my experience.) It was never too hard to get the game going; all you had to do was find a straight guy who wasn’t getting any, and sing the praises of the carefree, sex-for-fun gay lifestyle, and be very up-front about what you were interested in. I bedded some amazingly great-looking guys, and had some fun. The downside, however, is really worth considering if you’re considering a venture into straight-guy terrain. Such as… [ul] [li]The sex is lousy. However much a straight guy may want to play, the absence of years of fantasizing about and actually engaging in gay sex do tend to give gay guys a massive advantage in the gay sex department.[/li][li]It’s never simple. You’re dealing with a whole set of issues that the guy may not be ready to face. In this society it’s hard to sleep with someone of the same gender and not start to question your own sexuality. There can be some bizarre repercussions.[/li][li]There will never be any commitment. Even going into it knowing that it’s just for fun, there’s a chance that you might fall for said straight guy. That, believe me, is messy, and it hurts. For both of you.[/li][/ul] Just my observations on a couple of years of experience in the field. Take these into account, and things may work out well. But working with the guy will make things very, very tense; I travelled a lot when I was in my straight-guy seduction phase, and that seemed to work out well. A guy in every port, kinda. These days, years later, I’ve settled down with a beautiful gay guy, and I’m having the time of my life. We love each other, we make each other very happy, and I can’t imagine what life would be without him. If you decide to go ahead and help this guy to explore the boundaries of his sexuality, have a great time. My advice is that, if you take the limitations into account, it can be fun for both of you. But there are serious drawbacks to the situation, especially since you work together, and you may want to take these into account in making your decision. And I’m hereby pissed at the rest of the Rainbow Coalition. I never, ever make it onto these lists of names. I’m gonna go pout, then sulk, and then I may spend the afternoon whining. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/45 "2002-05-19T18:52:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hastur \* > \*\* > Were I you, I’d draw up a list of what you might gain and what you might lose by asking him about this. Think it over carefully because once the door is open, everything is different between the two of you. > > \*\* Don’t I know it! I mean, this has been going on for months now, so he might be/almost has to be trying to tell me something here. But I value his friendship above all else! I’ve always told him that I would never do or say anything that would make him uncomfortable. We’ve had frank discussions on sexuality so I know that he’s not bothered by my being gay at all, even tho he’s told me that he doesn’t like it when guys hit on him. I’ve never approached him like that. But it’s like, he’s willing to let me be the one so to speak? But he doesn’t know how to let me know cause I haven’t called him on it yet, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/46 "2002-05-19T18:57:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\* > > I think this guy is a freak. > > - s.e. \*\* No matter what else you might think about this, don’t disparage him that way, I’m not going to tolerate it. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/47 "2002-05-19T19:23:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > \*\*Okay, I confess… I used to have a straight guy habit. > It was never too hard to get the game going; all you had to do was find a straight guy who wasn’t getting any, and sing the praises of the carefree, sex-for-fun gay lifestyle, and be very up-front about what you were interested in. I bedded some amazingly great-looking guys, and had some fun. > > The downside, however, is really worth considering if you’re considering a venture into straight-guy terrain. Such as… > > [ul] > [li]The sex is lousy. However much a straight guy may want to play, the absence of years of fantasizing about and actually engaging in gay sex do tend to give gay guys a massive advantage in the gay sex department.[/li][li]It’s never simple. You’re dealing with a whole set of issues that the guy may not be ready to face. In this society it’s hard to sleep with someone of the same gender and not start to question your own sexuality. There can be some bizarre repercussions.[/li][li]There will never be any commitment. Even going into it knowing that it’s just for fun, there’s a chance that you might fall for said straight guy. That, believe me, is messy, and it hurts. For both of you.[/li][/ul] > Just my observations on a couple of years of experience in the field. Take these into account, and things may work out well. But working with the guy will make things very, very tense; I travelled a lot when I was in my straight-guy seduction phase, and that seemed to work out well. A guy in every port, kinda. > > If you decide to go ahead and help this guy to explore the boundaries of his sexuality, have a great time. My advice is that, if you take the limitations into account, it can be fun for both of you. But there are serious drawbacks to the situation, especially since you work together, and you may want to take these into account in making your decision.\*\* I understand what your saying, but he’s my friend. I’d like to think that, if he’s decided that, he wants to explore his sexuality with me, that he wouldn’t hold it against me. I know that he’s better than that. Also, I’m definitely not out to convert him or seduce him or expect some kind of relationship out of this. That’s not what I’m about at all! In the final analysis, this may turn out to be much ado about nothing at all, but I still feel that I need to broach this with him in some fashion just to clear the situation up for both of us. [sub]_fixed coding_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/48 "2002-05-19T19:31:30Z")
“Hi, my name is **matt\_mcl** , and I’ll be your gay guy tonight…” 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wargreymon \* > \*\* > > No matter what else you might think about this, don’t disparage him that way, I’m not going to tolerate it. \*\* Sorry, didn’t mean it that way at all. I just find it weird, but at the same time, slightly fascinating. Who knows what’s going on in his head? Like I said, were that to happen to me, I wouldn’t know what to think or feel. It’s just unusual, and a situation I’ve never had to deal with. Best of luck. - s.e. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/49 "2002-05-19T20:33:16Z")
I love **Geobabe** ’s suggestion. My opinion is that either he’s coming on to you or he gets a kick out of teasing you. OR he could be just playfully flirting. I’ve worked in several places where sexual inuendo was rampant, but nobody took it seriously. I’m not talking harrassment. I mean it was just the way we blew off steam at work…straight, gay, male, female…everybody got into the game. A couple of gals even flashed me now and then. (I didn’t return the favor; I thought that might be a bit too much) On a personal note, I’m a relatively well-endowed guy who needs to “adjust” occasionally. But I’d never do it blatantly in public. On a more personal note, most of you know that I’m 98% heterosexual (I hate the word “straight,” but that’s another thread), but I’ve experimented in the past. When I’m interested in someone, I make my intentions clear. IN PRIVATE. But that’s just me. YMMV. My point? Never assume anything. * * * Love to All, TN\*hippie ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/50 "2002-05-19T22:09:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wargreymon \* > \*\* > Don’t I know it! I mean, this has been going on for months now, so he might be/almost has to be trying to tell me something here. But I value his friendship above all else! I’ve always told him that I would never do or say anything that would make him uncomfortable. We’ve had frank discussions on sexuality so I know that he’s not bothered by my being gay at all, even tho he’s told me that he doesn’t like it when guys hit on him. I’ve never approached him like that. But it’s like, he’s willing to let me be the one so to speak? But he doesn’t know how to let me know cause I haven’t called him on it yet, ya know? \*\* I think MrVisible cogently put best what my response to you would be. In my experience, bi-curious men are often fraught with peril. They may enjoy sex, but that may be all that there is to it. Yet, they also may become emotionally dependant on you as their first and cause problems in that regard. This is a very delicate thing to enter in to, and you are the one who will pay for it with emotional, social, and work costs. I hope you make the best decision for you both. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/51 "2002-05-20T06:11:21Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **matt\_mcl** _ > > My name is **matt\_mcl** and I’ll be your gay guy on the board, along with **Esprix** (the Gay Guy, p.b.u.h.)… “p.b.u.h.,” dearest darling northern light of my life? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/52 "2002-05-20T07:41:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Why any female worth her estrogen hasn’t snatched him up by now is beyond me! > [@](#): > > Lord knows if he pulled this with anyone else but me… > [@](#): > > This is a very delicate thing to enter in to… I don’t mean to make light of your situation, but this thread is a veritable goldmine of unintentional double entendres and Freudian slips. 😉 And yes, I realize that this says more about ME than about the people I’m quoting. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/53 "2002-05-20T12:52:47Z")
> [@](#): > > “p.b.u.h.,” dearest darling northern light of my life? Praise Be Upon Him. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/54 "2002-05-20T15:58:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\*“Hi, my name is **matt\_mcl** , and I’ll be your gay guy tonight…” 😉 > > Sorry, didn’t mean it that way at all. I just find it weird, but at the same time, slightly fascinating. Who knows what’s going on in his head? Like I said, were that to happen to me, I wouldn’t know what to think or feel. It’s just unusual, and a situation I’ve never had to deal with. Best of luck. > > - s.e. \*\* I apologize for being short with u. This whole thing has opened emotions that I didn’t think were there. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/55 "2002-05-20T17:19:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > **"Hi, my name is matt\_mcl, and I’ll be your gay guy tonight…"** “I’m your gay guy tonight”…wasn’t that a Whitney Houston song? ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/56 "2002-05-20T21:12:43Z")
Wow…I belong…I BELONG!! Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/57 "2002-05-21T01:12:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by heresiarch \* > \*\*I don’t mean to make light of your situation, but this thread is a veritable goldmine of unintentional double entendres and Freudian slips. 😉 > \*\* And u know I’ve been trying to catch that in my posts, to no avail obviously! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Nichol\_storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Nichol\_storm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nichol_storm)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2002, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/58 "2002-05-21T19:15:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\* > “I’m your gay guy tonight”…wasn’t that a Whitney Houston song? \*\* I think it was… “Whatever you want from me, I’m giving you everything, I’ll be your gay guy tonight!” Sing it with me now! .:Nichol:. ---
**Author:** ![D-bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@D-bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D-bear)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/59 "2002-05-27T07:37:34Z")
anything new to report? ---
**Author:** ![Wargreymon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wargreymon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargreymon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2002, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705/60 "2002-05-27T11:10:03Z")
Actually no. I’ve decided to leave that particular concern be for now. Other issues have cropped up that may need examination on both our parts. I’ll just see how it goes for now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-guy-with-a-straight-friend-prob/109705.md?page=2)