# Gay marriage opponents: We concede defeat **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 19, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055 "2004-05-19T22:47:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/1 "2004-05-19T22:47:02Z")
Alas, the day had to come. We just can’t take it anymore. It’s time to admit you were right all along. Everything you said about the dangers of legalizing same-sex marriage were true. In the three and a half years since the Netherlands legalized gay marriage, their society has crumbled. Amsterdam, reduced to a fiery wasteland by flames and brimstone and plague-bearing angels, learned its lesson first. When that meteorite hit the North Sea Reclamation project, there could be no more denying it. Please, call off your God and make the earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes stop, before anyone else dies. And what about poor Belgium? Who would have thought that after only one year, Belgian courts would force every citizen to marry their sister, a dog, a budgy, and a corpse? You did. That’s right, and we refused to listen. I write now from the rubble of what was once Canada. Just as the Homosexual Conspiracy™ hoped, the birth rate dropped almost instantly to zero. Now, homosexual press gangs hunt down the few remaining heterosexuals for extreme conversion therapy. What have we done? And like you, I watched the photos on the news of the horror that was once Massachussets, where society unravelled in a record-breaking three days, and now the whole state is populated by illiterate hunter-gatherers, stalking wild animals among the ruins of Harvard. We should have known. You tried to warn us. I guess a lot of us hjust thought that Western Civilization was more resilient. And now our great civilization, founded by the ancient Greeks, built up by emperors such as Hadrian, producing such great creators as Michelangelo and Oscar Wilde – now it has all crumbled. Now we humbly submit ourselves to the forces of the conservative Christianity, which has been a force for peace and order since Creation. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/2 "2004-05-19T22:52:05Z")
> [@Hamish](#): > > And what about poor Belgium? Who would have thought that after only one year, Belgian courts would force every citizen to marry their sister, a dog, a budgy, and a corpse? You did. That’s right, and we refused to listen. [choking on tea] Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/3 "2004-05-19T22:57:43Z")
> [@Hamish](#): > > I write now from the rubble of what was once Canada. Just as the Homosexual Conspiracy™ hoped, the birth rate dropped almost instantly to zero. Now, homosexual press gangs hunt down the few remaining heterosexuals for extreme conversion therapy. What have we done? Oh, come now! We know what’s [really going on up there](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05162004.shtml)! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/4 "2004-05-19T23:04:40Z")
Oh, the horror, the horror! Here in Massachusetts, it’s [Civilization in ruins](http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2004/05/18/civilization_in_ruins/)! Desperate hetero refugees are flooding across the border into New Hampshire. They mill about at the borders of New York, Rhode Island and Connecticut, wondering whether those states, too, will succumb to the tide of homocratic forced marriage. Meanwhile, howling mobs of civil unionistas are marching upon the Commonwealth from Vermont. Where will it all end? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/5 "2004-05-19T23:10:03Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Where will it all end? I dunno, but whatever it turns out to be, it’ll be _fabulous_! ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/6 "2004-05-19T23:16:01Z")
> [@Hamish](#): > > And like you, I watched the photos on the news of the horror that was once Massachussets, where society unravelled in a record-breaking three days, and now the whole state is populated by illiterate hunter-gatherers, stalking wild animals among the ruins of Harvard. Why do I have the feeling that significant number of gay marriage opponents would see this as a good thing? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/7 "2004-05-19T23:23:36Z")
Okay, if I’m going to be _forced_ to marry another woman . . . Dopettes? Anyone? Do I hear a proposal? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/8 "2004-05-19T23:47:48Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > [choking on tea] Brilliant! Please remember that you are posting in The BBQ Pit. It was _fucking_ brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/9 "2004-05-19T23:56:14Z")
Jeez. Thanks a lot. Now, I’ve got this horrible postapocalypse scenario running around in my head… kind of like the original _Planet Of The Apes_, except that instead of apes, we’ve got the cast of _Queer Eye For The Straight Guy_… ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/10 "2004-05-20T00:10:27Z")
> [@Master Wang-Ka](#): > > Jeez. > > Thanks a lot. > > Now, I’ve got this horrible postapocalypse scenario running around in my head… kind of like the original _Planet Of The Apes_, except that instead of apes, we’ve got the cast of _Queer Eye For The Straight Guy_… [Chuck Heston] DAMN YOU! You dressed it up tastefully, with matching accessories! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/11 "2004-05-20T00:10:45Z")
What a great setting for the next Road Warrior-esque movie… _Fag Max_! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/12 "2004-05-20T00:12:46Z")
> [@SPOOFE](#): > > What a great setting for the next Road Warrior-esque movie… _Fag Max_! [They already made it.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109045/) ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/13 "2004-05-20T00:48:41Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Okay, if I’m going to be _forced_ to marry another woman . . . Dopettes? Anyone? Do I hear a proposal? Hey, if someone legalizes polygamy, I’m all about it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/14 "2004-05-20T01:00:18Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Okay, if I’m going to be _forced_ to marry another woman . . . Dopettes? Anyone? Do I hear a proposal? :: bashful blush: Um… would I do? Not too much wear and tear visible, a wry sense of humor, and I’m gainfully employed. Of course, two horses and eight cats are part of the package. :: waiting hopefully :: ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/15 "2004-05-20T01:11:11Z")
Hamish, I heart you \<3 ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/16 "2004-05-20T01:12:56Z")
**RUNS to the head of the line to get down on one knee and propose to Eve** ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/17 "2004-05-20T01:25:34Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Of course, two horses and eight cats are part of the package. Damn. I knew that they said legalizing gay marriages would lead to legalizing polygamy and bestiality, but I didn’t realize it would happen so soon, and both together as well. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/18 "2004-05-20T01:30:36Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Please remember that you are posting in The BBQ Pit. > It was _fucking_ brilliant! Well then…I’m bringing the _fucking_ pie… ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/19 "2004-05-20T01:35:40Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Okay, if I’m going to be _forced_ to marry another woman . . . Dopettes? Anyone? Do I hear a proposal? :::: dims the lights and gets down on one knee ::: **Eve** , will you marry me? ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2004, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055/20 "2004-05-20T01:36:22Z")
[http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A64467-2004Mar16.html](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A64467-2004Mar16.html) > [@](#): > > I think we can all agree with our president that gay marriage is a grave threat to America, because if it weren’t, our president would not have this issue to flog and might lose the election, and then who would protect us from being murdered by poorly shaven individuals from Middle Eastern nations? > [@](#): > > No, wait. That can’t be right. The reason gay marriage is a grave threat to America must be that if we let gay people marry, the entire hallowed institution of marriage will be disgraced. No one will take marriage seriously anymore. Pretty soon the American divorce rate will start approaching 50 percent, and the sanctity of the whole process will be compromised, with pop stars getting drunk, married and annulled all on the same weekend. And then, before you know it, people will take marriage so casually that romance and passion themselves will erode, couples will no longer care about how they look to each other, and America will become a nation of people waddling around with keisters the size, texture and pliability of weather balloons. > > Oh, wait. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-marriage-opponents-we-concede-defeat/246055.md?page=2)