# Gay members: a question. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 22, 2002, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360 "2002-12-22T08:53:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/21 "2002-12-30T07:44:05Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **TVeblen** _ > > The “Ask The Gay Guy” threads were, by topic, specifically asking _your_ insights on gay matters. Posters may want input from a variety of gay folks. Well, if we’re doling out points of order, in actuality the OP of each incarnation specifically states that it is not just I giving insight, but all the GLBT Dopers - I just happen to be the one who started it. I may be “the Gay Guy,” but I’m most assuredly not the only one who responded in the ATGG threads. > [@](#): > > … I don’t want people left with the impression that GLBT threads are in any way limited as to placement. They should go wherever posters feel is most appropriate for their inquiry. > > IOTW, you can always come to GLBT discussions anywhere but GLBT discussions can’t all be channeled into your threads. And I don’t believe I said that - I said that any GLBT-related question is always appropriate in the ATGG threads. I didn’t say they could ONLY be posted there. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/22 "2002-12-30T08:04:47Z")
In Esprix’s defense, I think his umbrage was taken with Smiley’s seeming lack of initiative in searching past threads. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/23 "2002-12-30T08:07:48Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **SmileyDeath** _ > > Was I rude? > (I’m confused) You wrote: > [@](#): > > I would’ve asked, but You probably answered it and I can’t read thru 1000+ posts of answers… What I got out of that was, “I’m too lazy to actually read things posted on this board, and I’m selfish enough to start a new thread without bothering to do any research.” But then, maybe it’s just me. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![SmileyDeath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SmileyDeath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmileyDeath)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/24 "2002-12-30T11:48:35Z")
Really, I should skim over 10 pages each(or more) in all of those threads? How would I be able to get a answer from all of the gay people, when it was most likely you only answered the question? I was trying for a consencus. And I wasn’t trying to be rude, it’s just impossible for me to read thru all thoses questions and answers. ---
**Author:** ![SmileyDeath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@SmileyDeath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmileyDeath)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2002, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/25 "2002-12-30T11:49:38Z")
I mean about the ask the gay guy thread. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/26 "2002-12-31T05:11:43Z")
And, as I already said, it was quite likely you wouldn’t just get an answer from me - I daresay most of the queer folk on the board keep their eye on it, and many times they answer questions long before I do. And I daresay it would do you quite a bit of good to go and read through the entire thread - they’re good reading. I might also remind you there’s this neat little button at the top of your page that says “search” on it - it really does wonders for the soul… (Not that this wasn’t a worthwhile thread, because it was. I’m just an attention whore, but all us old timers already know that. 😉 ) Esprix ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/27 "2002-12-31T06:43:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\* > And I don’t believe I said that - I said that any GLBT-related question is always appropriate in the ATGG threads. I didn’t say they could ONLY be posted there. > > Esprix \*\* **Moderator’s note:** And I’m saying that the broader board issue is GLBT thread placement. No, not all such questions _would_ be best suited in your threads. Others chimed in but the focus, by topic, was focused on you, “The Gay Guy”. Posters seeking wider input will **not** be limited, even by implication. Your threads were ground-breaking and valuable, but aren’t the only game in town. You may be a self-admitted “attention whore and old timer”, **Esprix** , but the ATGG hasn’t become it’s own forum. I really don’t want to rain on your parade but the freedom for folks to ask GLBT questions is too valuable to funnel toward any individual. TVeblen, for the SDMB (edited for typo) ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/28 "2002-12-31T07:03:18Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **TVeblen** _ > > No, not all such questions _would_ be best suited in your threads. And, again, I don’t believe I said “would be _best_ suited,” I said “would be suited.” I’m not denying there isn’t the option of posting GLBT-related threads elsewhere on the SDMB, and I take exception that you imply I said otherwise. I apologize, however, if it was read by anyone that way. > [@](#): > > … but the freedom for folks to ask GLBT questions is too valuable to funnel toward any individual. I agree, but, again, I don’t believe I said otherwise. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/29 "2002-12-31T07:12:18Z")
(Actually, I said “is always appropriate.” Should have read back for the exact words. Regardless, I don’t read that as “is _only_ appropriate.”) ---
**Author:** ![pinballmachine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@pinballmachine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinballmachine)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/30 "2002-12-31T07:26:46Z")
Well I am not gay but I would like to say something…Just because you are attracted to 2 differnt sexes dosnt make you bi. you can be whatever you feel you are… or something like that ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/31 "2002-12-31T11:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by pinballmachine_ > **Just because you are attracted to 2 differnt sexes dosnt make you bi.** Well, the word has to mean _something_. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/32 "2002-12-31T16:39:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > **Kinsey 6 here, and even I can admit to being sexually aroused by Sophia Loren. I just wish more straight men would admit that they can be attracted to one guy and still be straight.** OK. Jaye Davidson was totally hot in _The Crying Game_. Including at the end … ---
**Author:** ![Igloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Igloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Igloo)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/33 "2002-12-31T16:57:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SmileyDeath \* > \*\*Really, I should skim over 10 pages each(or more) in all of those threads? > How would I be able to get a answer from all of the gay people, when it was most likely you only answered the question? I was trying for a consencus. And I wasn’t trying to be rude, it’s just impossible for me to read thru all thoses questions and answers. \*\* I totally hear you. While I think the information in the ATGG threads is very valuable, they get so long that I don’t know where to start or what I have missed. And I don’t _want_ to sift through the whole thing – nothing to do with laziness. I think it’s actually a nice respite to have a gay question posed without it being an elaborate thread. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/34 "2002-12-31T17:07:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*Why don’t these things get posted in AtGG? ☹ > > Kinsey 6 here, and even I can admit to being sexually aroused by Sophia Loren. I just wish more straight men would admit that they can be attracted to one guy and still be straight. > > Esprix \*\* Why would you care? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/35 "2003-01-02T08:45:03Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Igloo** _ > > While I think the information in the ATGG threads is very valuable, they get so long that I don’t know where to start or what I have missed. And I don’t _want_ to sift through the whole thing – nothing to do with laziness. Well I have been considering an index of the threads… Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/36 "2003-01-02T08:48:48Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **seal\_clubber** _ > > Why would you care? To which part of my post were you referring? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/37 "2003-01-02T13:50:19Z")
About wishing more straight men would admit being attracted to one guy. What if they did? So what? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/38 "2003-01-02T16:47:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by seal\_clubber \* > > About wishing more straight men would admit being attracted to one guy. What if they did? So what? I’ve always thought that if more people were open and honest about their sexuality, instead of being intimidated by the sexually repressed culture in which we live (or, rather, sexually ill-focussed, IMHO) and either lying or denying themselves, then people would be more accepting of other people’s sexuality, thereby making the lives of the greater GLBT communities much, much easier. IMHO, that is. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/39 "2003-01-02T17:07:53Z")
Very good point. I was relating it more to personal experience - my (straight) younger brother was repeatedly propositioned on the job by an older guy with lines like “We’re all bascially bisexual” and “You need to be more open to new things.” In real life, as we know, such invitations are rare (unless you want to believe Falwell, Dobson et al). We were raised in a tolerant home. Every thanksgiving we had an older couple over (life time gay partners) To my brother it was just sexual harassment. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360/40 "2003-01-02T17:44:21Z")
I think that the way heterosexual identity works, (traditionally speaking), being “a man” is defined in part as being not-a-fag. I mean, it’s not merely that we’re taught to put down guys if we think they are gay, we’re taught that there is this horrid state of being in which one is gay and that if one is the inverse of it (in every way possible, along with revulsion and shudders), one has succeeded in being “a real man”. So you’ve got a lot of guys for whom acknowledging such a thing (even to themselves) would cause them to lose “man points” or some such thing. This is also true (again, traditionally speaking) for straight guys admitting to having qualities associated with women–being “a real man” equals being “not-a-woman, oh no not even remotely similar to one”, and through some unexplained equivocation “gay” (male) and “woman” are kind of rolled into one. Silly as hell but I think it still persists. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gay-members-a-question/144360.md?page=3)