# Gays: Are You Annoyed by Straights in Gay Bars? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700 "2011-05-12T20:01:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/41 "2011-05-13T18:09:20Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Straight folk grabbing a burger at Hamburger Mary’s was pretty typical - although if they knew what was good for them, they’d cross the street and eat the Thai food at Manora’s - still there and still the best! Different town. I was more than a little shocked to discover that Mary’s is a franchise. Like the gay Applebee’s. Or TGI-Faggy. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/42 "2011-05-13T22:53:26Z")
It’s not an issue for me unless, as others have pointed out, it’s happening en masse as stage one of the eventual colonisation of an establishment by the straights making it not gay any more, or sufficiently mixed that you don’t know what you’re getting when you try and hit on someone. That said there are some straights who are, well, dicks about being in a gay establishment. I’m immediately reminded of two examples: 1. When I was at a very big dance club which could get a bit raunchy but was on the whole just people getting drunk, high on E and having a good time dancing to music. There was a guy there walking around with his top off showing off his not unimpressive body. Suddenly he was scrapping with someone and the bouncers had to separate them (these are the bouncers you forget are there because gay men don’t get violent when wasted). I asked someone near him what had happened and turns out he was straight and was getting annoyed at being groped by guys. I mean, what the fuck was he thinking was going to happen walking around topless in a gay club? 2. I was working behind the bar in a fairly small nightclub that was considered the local of the patrons in east London. We had a late licence to be open (up to 4am) when all the other bars nearby shut at around 1. We had a group of straight people come in, about six of them in their late 30s, early 40s. They were clearly drunk and I was talking to one of them when he randomly threatened to stab me for being queer. O-kay. When I go to gay establishments it’s to feel safe in the fact that I’m gay, and people in those two situations undermine that. Hen parties I don’t really mind I suppose, but they can be irritating. ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/43 "2011-05-13T23:35:40Z")
> [@Aeris](#): > > we were at Nellie’s which is a gay sports bar. Awesome. We have used this venue before and it is one of my favorite bars so far in the area due the chill vibe, great drink prices, and quality of the drinks. I didn’t really feel any hostility from anyone. We weren’t the only group that was using the place for our event Is this in DC? I love that place! I try to go there whenever I’m in town. (I’m straight, but I go there with gay friends.) ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/44 "2011-05-13T23:49:51Z")
Although I’ve sampled much of the gayborhood ( I don’t know if it’s officially designated that. But it’s a section of Philly where most of the gay bars and other queer business are. The street signs all have little rainbow flag stickers on them), I’ve never actually been to gay bar. No wait, I have. I went to one on Halloween lured by the name of the party. Sadly, Midian turned out to be the only Clive Barker\*ish thing about it. As I was wearing a clown outfit and it was Halloween, I think I fit in. - This reminds me of the other time I’ve been to a gay bar. Clive Barker came to give lectures at the Philly gay and lesbian film festival. Afterwards, there was a party at the club Shampoo. So it seems I’ve been to two gay bars. I’ve also been to a gay coffee house and a gay cafe/leather shop (I bought a bagel and a Yoo Hoo). I’ve been to Giovanni’s Room (huge gay bookstore) a number of times. I never felt unwelcome. I attend the Henri David ball every Halloween now. It is a very gay event. Straights like myself are welcome as long as we wear nice costumes and don’t act like jerks. I once heard another man complain about all the gays and wondered where he thought he was going. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/45 "2011-05-14T00:18:50Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > There was a guy there walking around with his top off showing off his not unimpressive body. Suddenly he was scrapping with someone and the bouncers had to separate them (these are the bouncers you forget are there because gay men don’t get violent when wasted). I asked someone near him what had happened and turns out he was straight and was getting annoyed at being groped by guys. I mean, what the fuck was he thinking was going to happen walking around topless in a gay club? Blaming the victim! ( [Is dressing like a slut "asking for it"? - Great Debates - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=608090) ) No, obviously, he was being a git. ---
**Author:** ![Aeris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a183cd/32.png) [@Aeris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeris)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/46 "2011-05-14T07:37:59Z")
> [@E.Thorp](#): > > Is this in DC? I love that place! I try to go there whenever I’m in town. (I’m straight, but I go there with gay friends.) Indeed it is in DC. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/47 "2011-05-14T12:28:05Z")
I hate it, how am I supposed to get a date, when all the gay bars are full of straight guys. It’s hard enough that all the good looking guys are straight, but less having to compete with them 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/48 "2011-05-14T19:18:55Z")
> [@Aeris](#): > > Oh god is this going to sound bitchy? I hope this isn’t going to sound bitchy. > > I understand why gay people would become annoyed with people in a bar but generally wouldn’t it be for the same reasons that _anyone_ would become annoyed with people in a bar. Either they are being too loud or spilling drinks or taking forever in line or whatever. So other than the annoying people who would be annoying no matter where they went, why would gay people have a problem? If they don’t want to be told they can’t go somewhere or do something because they are gay then why would they use a double standard and say that I can’t go somewhere or do something because I’m straight? Seems a little odd to me. Yes it is a double standard, no question. The thing is, the vast majority of the world is, by default, straight. Gay bars are one of the few places that you can go and be mostly assured that you’re in all gay company. It’s a great escape from the world and really helped me as a young gay guy that didn’t know anyone. I remember my first time walking into a gay bar and thinking ‘wow, there are a lot of guys like me here.’ ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/49 "2011-05-14T22:36:54Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Yes it is a double standard, no question. The thing is, the vast majority of the world is, by default, straight. Gay bars are one of the few places that you can go and be mostly assured that you’re in all gay company. It’s a great escape from the world and really helped me as a young gay guy that didn’t know anyone. I remember my first time walking into a gay bar and thinking ‘wow, there are a lot of guys like me here.’ Quite. It’s also, to be blunt, not the fault of gay people that the world expects everyone to follow hetero norms on the whole, and is intolerant of people who don’t. If we lived in a world where hitting on someone of the same gender didn’t bring it the risk of getting rejected (maybe physically, even getting you killed in some cases) then we wouldn’t need them. So cry me a river oppressed majority. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/50 "2011-05-15T19:30:31Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > So cry me a river oppressed majority. Quite. Aside from the pulling factor, I don’t think it’s been mentioned that I can go to a gay bar and behave like straight people do every day of their lives - being open about my relationship in public. It means a lot to be in a public place where I can hold my girlfriend’s hand, give her a kiss and a cuddle and generally behave like a couple. Do this in a straight bar and you will attract stares, gossip and sometimes abuse. It’s really unpleasant to be made to feel like a freak, and gay bars are a sanctuary in that regard. Get too many straight people in that bar, and you start to feel like a circus freak again. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/51 "2011-05-15T20:04:23Z")
Are there really many “straight” people (hate that term) going into gay bars who would be inclined to gawk at gay couples? ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/52 "2011-05-15T20:24:34Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Are there really many “straight” people (hate that term) going into gay bars who would be inclined to gawk at gay couples? It does happen. I was in a gay club on new years day. There was a large gang of men in club-branded suits and ties from a local football (soccer) team with their straight girlfriends. I guess they were there because it was one if the few late night clubs open on new years day. Apparently they’d been making some inappropriate comments because at one point the drag queen DJ stopped the music, got on the mike and said " this is an equal, open club that accepts all respectful patrons. So if certain people here tonight can’t cope with the sight if two men kissing, then you can fuck off to Yates Wine Lodge" (Yates is a mainstream chain of pick up joints). So yeah, it happens. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/53 "2011-05-15T20:35:01Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Are there really many “straight” people (hate that term) going into gay bars who would be inclined to gawk at gay couples? Another example. There is a big gay club in London called Popstarz. My girlfriend used to go every week (before I knew her) because the music was great - indie and pop - and it was a truly mixed gay and lesbian place. Increasing numbers of straight girls started to go because they liked the music and vibe, followed by increasing numbers of straight boys after the straight girls. It got to the point where groups of straight boys would take the piss out of the gays, and straight girls would freak out when they got chatted up by lesbians, and would also abuse lesbians in the toilets. Complaints to the bouncers and management got nowhere, and the gays left the club in droves. That’s the fear if you get too many straights in a gay bar. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/54 "2011-05-15T23:24:07Z")
> [@Aeris](#): > > a gay sports bar Whoa. These exist? Interesting. Sports bars are generally the demense of uber-macho heteroes, altars to light beer consumption, chicken wing eating and leering at pretty girls. What sports are on TV at the gay sports bar? Figure skating? ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/55 "2011-05-15T23:25:22Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Another example. There is a big gay club in London called Popstarz. My girlfriend used to go every week (before I knew her) because the music was great - indie and pop - and it was a truly mixed gay and lesbian place. Increasing numbers of straight girls started to go because they liked the music and vibe, followed by increasing numbers of straight boys after the straight girls. It got to the point where groups of straight boys would take the piss out of the gays, and straight girls would freak out when they got chatted up by lesbians, and would also abuse lesbians in the toilets. Complaints to the bouncers and management got nowhere, and the gays left the club in droves. That’s the fear if you get too many straights in a gay bar. Does “take the piss out of” mean “beat the shit out of”? ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/56 "2011-05-15T23:30:53Z")
No, not remotely. The English expression means to taunt and mock someone. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/57 "2011-05-15T23:53:36Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Whoa. These exist? Interesting. Sports bars are generally the demense of uber-macho heteroes, altars to light beer consumption, chicken wing eating and leering at pretty girls. > > What sports are on TV at the gay sports bar? Figure skating? Same as regular sports bars, except the leering is done at hot guys. Why would assume figure skating? The last sports bar I was in ran mostly football and baseball. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/58 "2011-05-15T23:53:38Z")
Like everyone else, I don’t mind as long the gay people don’t start getting outnumbered. It’d be hypocritical for me dislike it, given all the times I’ve taken straight people to gay bars with me, but I don’t take the piss. > [@SanVito](#): > > Another example. There is a big gay club in London called Popstarz. My girlfriend used to go every week (before I knew her) because the music was great - indie and pop - and it was a truly mixed gay and lesbian place. Increasing numbers of straight girls started to go because they liked the music and vibe, followed by increasing numbers of straight boys after the straight girls. It got to the point where groups of straight boys would take the piss out of the gays, and straight girls would freak out when they got chatted up by lesbians, and would also abuse lesbians in the toilets. Complaints to the bouncers and management got nowhere, and the gays left the club in droves. That’s the fear if you get too many straights in a gay bar. The same thing happened to Heaven ages ago, didn’t it? Or has it changed back again? And my favourite ever gay bar, Charlie’s Bar, came under new management who still wanted it to be a gay bar, but started advertising in local straight venues, even though they were always so packed they really didn’t need the extra custom. It had been members-only after certain times of day and they got rid of that too. Suddenly a place where my GF and I could hold hands, occasionally kiss, dance together, and never get bothered by any men, became a place where we were surrounded by staring men acting as if we were a free live porn show. They’d come on to us even though it was clear we were together - something they’d never do to a straight man out with his GF. I never saw any violence, but it just wasn’t fun any more. We stopped going. So did all the gay people. The straight people stopped going because they had a hundred other bars to go to, and the place shut down within a couple of weeks. And I am a bit stuck for places to go and meet potential dates these days because so many lesbian bars have closed down and so many gay bars have become mixed, and I don’t happen across many gay people by chance in other aspects of my life. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/59 "2011-05-16T12:20:13Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > And I am a bit stuck for places to go and meet potential dates these days because so many lesbian bars have closed down and so many gay bars have become mixed, and I don’t happen across many gay people by chance in other aspects of my life. That’s why so many peope I know default to GayDarGirls. Of course, there’s always the Candy Bar if you’re into picking up 18 year olds 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700/60 "2011-05-16T16:32:37Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > The only gay bar I’ve been in (same one twice) happened to have extremely hot guys walking around in Speedos. And it wasn’t a strip bar, it was just a bar, with hot guys in Speedos. > > It was amazing. I still remember the feel of those abs. And this was like 15 years ago… > > Anyway, do many gay bars have such a feature and do gay guys mind if shy fat girls come in with their gay male friends to touch (and tip!) the extremely hot guys in Speedos? > > Because, I want to go back. I just need some new in-town gay friends. There used to be a bar in Miami Beach, just across from the sand, where the waiters dressed in swimwear and ties. Some did wear speedos, but I don’t think the place had a gayness requirement. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-are-you-annoyed-by-straights-in-gay-bars/581700.md?page=4)