# Gays: Do You Find "Gay" as a Synonym for "Lame" Offensive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 16, 2011, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617 "2011-04-16T16:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/41 "2011-04-17T19:30:30Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Of all words these young people could have latched on to, why did it have to be “gay”? > > I can see some homosexuals aren’t offended by word being described as something being “lame”, or “week”. I know not everyone who says it is a Homophobe. > > It’s just… > > What did \*\*anything \*\*having to do with the word “gay” make it a candidate for describing something “bad”, (other than useing as a way to bash gays too), I don’t get it? It annoys me because it’s, in fact, lame IMHO. Because it’s icky and stuff. Anecdote I know a 10 year old kid who, when someone in the room mentions genitalia, or breasts, or sex, or kissing, or _nakedness_ makes noises like he’s just swallowed a cockroach. I evidently find it very amusing to sneak such words in regular conversation around him, because I’m a bad person. But you can see where the appeal of calling someone like him a “dick” in order to offend him might come from - it’s something repulsive (to him at least), and it would get a rise out of him. Mission accomplished. Same about being called “gay” in modern American society where a guy somehow showing any sort of emotion, feeling or missing an opportunity to assert to everyone around that you’re a badass macho hard motherfucker with terminal testosterone poisoning is some sort of grave social faux pas. On topic: I personally don’t use gay as an adjective myself because I think it’s a faggy word\*. But I don’t really think it’s ever really meant as a slur on gay people either, even though it evidently is one indirectly. It’s more of a display of ignorance and casual insensitivity than one of hate. - That is a joke, Mr. Moreau. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/42 "2011-04-17T19:39:36Z")
Speaking as a person that believes the ability to use humor and offend is a sacred right, I refuse to object to any word’s use. Ever. Stifling free speech stifles comedy. I value comedy, and abhor censorship. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/43 "2011-04-17T20:45:43Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Not according to Wikipedia. Sounds like they both came into usage around the same time. Gay for homosexual only became common currency in the late 20th century? Er, we all know that’s not true. Is there really any question that gay for homosexual has been around a lot longer than gay=crap? Would anyone asking for proof of that also like proof that the Pope is Catholic? > [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > Well, anecdote here, back in the olden days when dinosaurs roamed the earth, Ronald Regan was president, and boys wore their pants at the waist (with Jordache embroidered on the butt) I used it reflexively. When, during the Lord of the Flies type Hell that was the grade eight camping trip, stupid kissing games broke out(Stupid, because A) I wasn’t involved, and B) the only guy who tried to kiss me was definitely not desirable to me at all.) When undesirable boy smacked a wet icky kiss with Dorito crumbs in it I said “EVER GAY!” > > For the rest of the trip the joke was that I was really male and therefore I thought a boy kissing me was “gay”. This may also contribute to my not using that expression anymore. But that’s using the word gay as a slur because of homosexuality. Mind you, the OP’s anecdote is in the 80s, so perhaps in some areas gay=crap was being used as early as then. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/44 "2011-04-17T21:32:34Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Is it just me, or have there been more tears on the SDMB than usual these days? Where’s the option for “It’s offensive and distasteful; That’s why you should use it.”? Why are you advocating trolling? Gay - don’t agree with the use of the word in this fashion but I can think of plenty of other hills that I’d rather die on. ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/45 "2011-04-17T21:54:00Z")
> [@Mr.Slant](#): > > Speaking as a person that believes the ability to use humor and offend is a sacred right, I refuse to object to any word’s use. Ever. > Stifling free speech stifles comedy. I value comedy, and abhor censorship. I don’t think people are objecting to the use of the word for comedic effect. If you see a heterosexual couple making out and say ‘that’s so gay’ I could care less If you are using it for the purpose of being derogatory ‘Mr. Brown gave me extra homework, that’s so gay’ I think you are in the wrong. If you can’t or unwilling to understand the difference between the two uses I have no interest in associating with your kind. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/46 "2011-04-17T22:05:29Z")
Upon reflection, I think my post kind of touched on two different notions. It says that I don’t believe in stifling speech that doesn’t result in grievous bodily harm. That part is true. That’s not the OP’s question, though, and I apologize for the hijack, and for not thinking my post through. Just because I support a speaker’s right to offend, that doesn’t mean that some words don’t offend me. SOMETHING has to shock and offend me, even if I never believe that I should ask someone to stop using a word. Strict answer to the OP: Calling a bad movie gay doesn’t shock or offend me. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/47 "2011-04-18T00:02:44Z")
not gay and i use it pretty often when i’m hanging out with close friends who i know won’t be offended by it. sometimes i slip up when there are friends of friends there, and i lock it up pretty well when i’m with people i don’t know, or with gay friends/acquaintances. however, i do feel obligated to distinguish the nuances of using the word, at least within my social circle (20-something recent “elite” college grads of the mid-atlantic across all political party affiliations, careers, and socio-economic strata). in my experience it has evolved from just generic “not-goodness” to two rather specific uses. 1 - it means effeminate/unbecoming for/of a man specifically. so, if MRS. Harris assigned double hw, it wouldn’t be gay. she’d be a bitch. However, if MR. Hammond assigns it, it would be (or he’s a dick). if JENNY turns down a beer because it’s bikini season in a few weeks, it’s not gay. if JIMMY turns down the beer… well… he shouldn’t be so gay about it. 2 - “gay for”. it just means being in love/obsessed with, regardless of gender. i.e. allison is totally gay for Jude Law right now. mitch is so gay for bradley cooper right now, he actually went to go see Limitless. and in an attempt to rationalize the switch over… before “gay” = “crap” because if you loved another person of the same gender, it was bad. flat out. now… it seems like you can like another person of the same gender, as long as you’re “cool” about it. however if it becomes to the point of switching gender roles? becoming “fruity” ? it still makes people (conservative straight males) uncomfortable and “WE” don’t like it and it’s reflected in our language. consequently, the gay stereotype of being a voracious lover, as well as over-the-top enthusiasm has lent itself to the secondary phrase - gay for. again, intellectually i do understand that these words are hurtful and insulting, and even if i do censor myself it’s still wrong. funny enough, i HATE the word rape. it bothers me and i’ve never been a victim of it. none of my family members have been raped, although a few female friends of mine have been taken advantage of. i just HATE the use of it. i correct people every single time it’s used inappropriately. i find nothing funny about it. it’s odd that i can be so adamant about that word, and yet continue to use “gay” rather openly without any qualms. anyway, just to share. think less of me if you will… ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/48 "2011-04-18T07:07:11Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Do people with walking disabilities find the term “lame” offensive as a synonym for unhip or square? As someone who gets around with a cane, I can say with complete authority (at least in my case) “No”. If you tell me I’m lame, meaning I can’t walk as well as someone without a disability you are not using a pejorative but a descriptive term. If you tell me I’m lame because I’m unhip or square, I’ll probably agree with you. I’ll be 53 this June. Who I am _was_ kinda cool about 30 years ago. That lasted for perhaps 10-15 years. I didn’t stop being cool, but what was considered cool and hip had moved off in directions I didn’t feel the need to go. Being hip is work. Being the unhip square, now that’s _fun!_ Especially if you can keep a straight face. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/49 "2011-04-18T12:36:40Z")
Gay female here. Yes, I find it offensive, and, in particular, I have a low opinion of people who use it without thinking it could be so because ‘it’s just a word’. Yeah, right mate. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/50 "2011-04-18T12:41:34Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > again, intellectually i do understand that these words are hurtful and insulting, and even if i do censor myself it’s still wrong. funny enough, i HATE the word rape. it bothers me and i’ve never been a victim of it. none of my family members have been raped, although a few female friends of mine have been taken advantage of. i just HATE the use of it. i correct people every single time it’s used inappropriately. i find nothing funny about it. it’s odd that i can be so adamant about that word, and yet continue to use “gay” rather openly without any qualms. anyway, just to share. think less of me if you will… I think better of you than people who use it without considering it is offensive. We all, no doubt, use language amongst our close friends we wouldn’t necessarily use in polite company. It’s the casually ‘innocent’ use of the word I find more grating. At least you are honest and know that it’s not a great thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/51 "2011-04-18T13:19:06Z")
Gay male here. I could’ve picked 1, 3, 4, or 5 but ended up voting for the fifth one. It’s language, so it’s very contextual in my opinion. However, I’m more offended by those who get offended by words rather than context. I wasn’t offended by Kobe’s words. They weren’t meant to be a slur against homosexuals but just a slam against a ref who was bugging him. I’m annoyed when GLAAD feels they need to respond to every anti-word ever uttered and not only expect apologies but have to make sure that the apology is sufficient and blah blah blah. Reminds me of when I was in my more rebelious twenties. I worked with a person who was obnoxiously conservative about her pristine ears. I was speaking with my boss and she was also in my cube. “That situation is really fucked up.”-Me “Ahem, what did you say?”-conservative co-worker “I said, ‘that situation is really fucked up’”-Me “I heard what you said the first time, I don’t appreciate hearing that language”-ccw “Then why did you have me repeat it?” It wasn’t my most shining moment, but at the same time, I loathe when people are so uptight about language. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/52 "2011-04-18T14:09:24Z")
I don’t mind ‘gay for’ at all. It makes sense and it’s not pejorative. I’ve used ‘straight for’ myself too. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617/53 "2011-04-18T14:17:53Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I have to disagree about this. “Gay=homosexual” began in the 20s or 30s, and entered the mainstream in the late 60s to early 70s. “Gay=lame” probably goes back no further than the 90s. It was current when I was in school, in the '70s and '80s. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gays-do-you-find-gay-as-a-synonym-for-lame-offensive/578617.md?page=2)