# Geekiest joke ever? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695 "2007-11-25T14:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dosipede](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dosipede](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dosipede)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/61 "2007-11-27T04:12:47Z")
Bubba goes off for his freshman year in college. Not only is he the first person in his family to go to college, he’s the first person in his whole village. So when he comes home for the holidays, he’s something of a celebrity, and the whole town gathers around. “So, son,” says his Pa, “what’d they learn there at that high-falutin’ college?” “πr2, Pa,” says Bubba. “What’d you just tell me?” says Pa. “πr2,” repeats Bubba. Pa slaps him across the face. “Goddammit, boy!” exclaims Pa. “They didn’t learn you nothin’! Pie aren’t square! Pie are round! Cornbread are square.” (Mom was tellng us that one before we even knew what π was.) How do you set bass clarinets on fire? With burning oboes. What does a mathemetician do when he’s constipated? He works it out with a pencil. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/62 "2007-11-27T04:45:22Z")
There’s a software developer with a VW Beetle whose number plate is FEATURE. What’s a polar bear? A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/63 "2007-11-27T05:45:55Z")
[QUOTE=Askance] There’s a software developer with a VW Beetle whose number plate is FEATURE. [/QUOTE] Brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/64 "2007-11-27T06:54:47Z")
I once drove behind a car with the vanity plate PANDNH4. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/65 "2007-11-27T10:33:59Z")
Q: Why are x86 CPUs the most musical? A: “One little, two little, five little-endian” Q: What sound do atoms make when they collide? A: Planck! Q: What sound does an aerodynamic spring make? A: Boeing! A popular language is finally getting object-oriented features. It will be called ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL. August “Three, sir” Derleth ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/66 "2007-11-27T11:51:12Z")
For history/grammar geeks: Who led the Pedants Revolt of 1381? Which Tyler. ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/67 "2007-11-27T12:55:47Z")
/\> cd pub; more beer Why geeks don’t get dates: /\> man woman No manual entry found for woman ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/68 "2007-11-27T13:36:36Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] I once drove behind a car with the vanity plate PANDNH4. [/QUOTE] Heh. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/69 "2007-11-27T19:00:41Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] I once drove behind a car with the vanity plate PANDNH4. [/QUOTE] I don’t get it. I really wish that, in a thread whose purpose is to be posting jokes that are as esoteric as possible, people would post explanations. > [@derleth](#): > > A popular language is finally getting object-oriented features. It will be called ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL. I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/70 "2007-11-27T19:04:40Z")
Pand Ammonium. A knee slapper. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/71 "2007-11-27T19:35:51Z")
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman walk into an Internet Cafe. The attendant says to them “Paddy E, you can log on here, Paddy S, you can log on here and down here Paddy I, you can log on.” The attendant comes back a few minutes later to see if everything is all right. Paddy Englishman is doing online poker, Paddy Scotsman is surfing for pr0n, and Paddy Irishman is squatting over the keyboard taking a big dump. “Jesus christ!” says the attendant, “What the hell do you think you’re doing???” "What’s wrong?"saying Paddy Irishman, “You told me to log on to this computer.” Apologies in advance. ---
**Author:** ![HeadNinja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b4bc9f/32.png) [@HeadNinja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeadNinja)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/72 "2007-11-27T21:24:40Z")
[QUOTE=An Gadaí] \ Apologies in advance. [/QUOTE] Technically that is an apology in arrears. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/73 "2007-11-27T22:49:34Z")
True. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/74 "2007-11-27T23:03:49Z")
[QUOTE=MaxTheVool] {ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL} I don’t get it. [/QUOTE] In the c programming language, the statement c++ means “add 1 to the variable named c”. But this statement itself is also the name of a version of the language with object-oriented extensions, c++. In the still-popular business language COBOL, the equivalent would be the statement above. Some compilers would reject ADD… TO… GIVING as you can only use TO _or_ GIVING, not both. Most would not allow COBOL as a variable name. However, for joke purposes, saying ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL is deemed to be the equivalent in COBOL of saying c++ in c. So (presumably) that would be the name of the new programming language. But it took all day for me to get this. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/75 "2007-11-27T23:09:46Z")
Since this has turned into a general geeky-joke thread, I humbly submit [this post of mine](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9185549&postcount=1). ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2007, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/76 "2007-11-27T23:35:16Z")
[QUOTE=Tool of the Conspiracy] I like to tell it with a chlorine atom and a sodium atom. Someone at work told it with two hydrogen atoms, but I told him that a talking proton would just be silly. [/QUOTE] Reminds me of a very geeky song by Kate and Anna McGarrigle, [“NaCl (The Salt Song)”](http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=5425) Then unsuspecting chlorine felt a magnetic pull She looked down and her outside shell was full! Sodium cried “What a gas, be my bride, And I’ll change your name from chlorine to chloride!” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2007, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/77 "2007-11-28T04:31:35Z")
Little Lucy in the lab lies dead upon the floor. For what she thought was H[sub]2[/sub]O Was H[sub]2[/sub]SO[sub]4[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2007, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/78 "2007-11-28T04:56:56Z")
[QUOTE=brewha] Two mathematicians were sitting on a bench facing a building. Two people walked out of the building. A few minutes later, one person walked into the building. One mathematician turned to the other and said, “If one more person walks into the building it will be empty again.” [/QUOTE] I was keeping up until this one. Little help here? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2007, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/79 "2007-11-28T05:41:07Z")
I see that humor implant chips are much improved, but far from perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2007, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695/80 "2007-11-28T05:52:30Z")
[QUOTE=Hung Mung] I was keeping up until this one. Little help here? [/QUOTE] The mathematician thinks that there are currently -1 people in the building. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geekiest-joke-ever/427695.md?page=5)