# Geeks, linguists, polyglots: Translate this pun! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 17, 2001, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701 "2001-08-17T07:32:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/1 "2001-08-17T07:32:01Z")
English version: A zookeeper wants to install a mongoose exhibit. So he writes to his animal supplier. "Dear Sir, please send us two mongooses - " he writes, then scratches it out. "Dear Sir, please send us two mongeese - " That doesn’t work either. Finally he writes, “Dear Sir, please send us a mongoose. P.S. While you’re at it, send us another one too.” French version: Le curateur d’un zoo veut monter une exhibition sur le chacal. Alors il écrit à son chasseur: "Monsieur, veuillez nous envoyer deux chacals - " Il l’éfface puis l’essaye encore une fois: "Monsieur, veuillez nous envoyer deux chacaux - " mais cela ne marche non plus. Enfin il écrit tout simplement, “Monsieur, veuillez nous envoyer un chacal. P.S. Ensuite, envoyez-nous-en un autre.” (There is as yet no agreement in French whether the plural of “chacal” (jackal) is “chacals” or “chacaux”, like cheval-chevaux. Adapted from: Yaguello, M., _Cataloge d’idées reçues sur la langue._) So think of a parallel problem in a language you speak, and come up with a translation of this joke around it. Have fun! ---
**Author:** ![daffodil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@daffodil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/daffodil)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/2 "2001-08-17T10:11:29Z")
How about a botanical garden keeper. Send us two cactusses cactÆ? Another cactus? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/3 "2001-08-17T10:52:43Z")
When is a raven… oh, nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/4 "2001-08-17T14:58:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by daffodil \* > **Send us two cactusses cactÆ?** 'Tain’t ‘cactæ’, it’s ‘cacti’. But damned if I can think of an FL version of the pun in the OP. Will try again later. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/5 "2001-08-17T16:02:12Z")
There is a famous short story in Russian that plays on this. No, I can’t remember the title or the author, although I believe he was the son of Evgenia Ginsburg. You have to know a couple of things. 1. Russian for fireplace poker is “kocherga.” 2. In Russian, nouns following numbers change their case. One - nominative singular. Two, three - Genitive singular. Five and up - Genitive plural. Twenty-two, twenty-three - genitive singular. Twenty-five and up - genitive plural. Etc. 3. The genitive plural is the most irregular case/number in Russian. There is no end to the bizarre morphings that the noun can take in this form. The story is set in a factory in Soviet times. They need five fireplace pokers. Forms are acquired, the filling in commences. Then the debate begins. What is the genitive plural of kocherga? Various characters/officials are called in. Some suggest kochereg, some kocherieg, some kochergev, some various other possibilities I can’t remember now. Everyone agrees that it would be a disaster to send in an official document with the wrong word. Much dark musing on what could happen to them. What to do? Finally an old caretaker hears about the fuss and tells them to send in two requisitions: one for two kochergi and one for three kochergi. And there was great rejoicing. The story is hilarious because the author has an incredible grasp of colloquial Russian, the characters are absolutely dead-on Soviet-era beaurocrats, and no one in Russia actually knows off the top of their heads what the genitive plural of kocherga is. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/6 "2001-08-17T16:24:34Z")
That joke may not be diretly translatable into Spanish, since I don’t believe there are any irregular plurals (though a native speaker may be able to correct me). ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/7 "2001-08-17T17:14:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Punkyova \* > **2. In Russian, nouns following numbers change their case. One - nominative singular. Two, three - Genitive singular. Five and up - Genitive plural. Twenty-two, twenty-three - genitive singular. Twenty-five and up - genitive plural. Etc.** Almost but not quite. Any number ending in one (except eleven) ending in the Nom Sg. Any number in ending in two, three, or four (except twelve, thirteen, and fourteen) ends in the genitive singular. Numbers ending in five or greater take the genitive plural. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2001, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/8 "2001-08-17T19:33:33Z")
Yeesh! Olentzero, thanks for picking that up. “One two three FOUR,” not “one two three five.” It’s going to be a long day. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/9 "2001-08-18T03:43:11Z")
What’s the past tense of Shit? Shat? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/10 "2001-08-18T04:02:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > A zookeeper wants to install a mongoose exhibit. So he writes to his animal supplier. "Dear Sir, please send us two mongooses - " he writes, then scratches it out. "Dear Sir, please send us two mongeese - " That doesn’t work either. Finally he writes, “Dear Sir, please send us a mongoose. P.S. While you’re at it, send us another one too.” A hospital administrator is working out the schedule for one of the operating rooms and has to send a description of the procedure to the doctor. "Doctor, remove the patient’s appendixes - ", he writes, then scratches if out. "Doctor, remove the patient’s appendices - " That doesn’t work either. Finally he writes, "Doctor, remove the patient’s appendix. P.S. While you’re at it, take out another one too. Hmm, still something not quite right about that. ---
**Author:** ![nineiron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e56c9b/32.png) [@nineiron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nineiron)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/11 "2001-08-18T04:13:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by clayton\_e \* > \*\*What’s the past tense of Shit? Shat? \*\* A college roommate and I would jokingly give the principle parts as “shit, shat, shut.” (No nitpicking! I know we left out “shitting,” but that would ruin the flow of the joke.) ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/12 "2001-08-18T04:14:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nineiron \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by clayton\_e \* > > \*\*What’s the past tense of Shit? Shat? \*\* > > A college roommate and I would jokingly give the principle parts as “shit, shat, shut.” (No nitpicking! I know we left out “shitting,” but that would ruin the flow of the joke.) \*\* That reminds me of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2001, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/13 "2001-08-18T04:37:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by racinchikki \* > That reminds me of “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” for some reason. You might be thinking of this line: “The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote. ‘Stink.’ ‘Stank.’ ‘Stunk.’” ---
**Author:** ![Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@Chance\_the\_Gardener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chance_the_Gardener)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeks-linguists-polyglots-translate-this-pun/76701/14 "2001-08-25T21:01:02Z")
I studied in France during the 1995 elections there. One of my professors found the conservative presidential candidate LePen very distasteful. My professor showed us a videotape of a news item about LePen and his wife. Our professor, Dr. Pouvatchy, said: “Voilà Monsieur LePen et sa femme, Madame LaPeine.” Nope, it just doesn’t translate. I’ll explain for those of you wouldn’t know. The name _LePen_ doesn’t really mean anything, but the _Pen_ part of his name sounds like the French word _peine_, which is perhaps best translated as “bother” or “inconvenience”. _Le_ is a definite article, male gender, while _la_ is a definite article, female gender. Another professor at that university talked about the proliferation of breakaway republics in Russia. He named a few: “La Tchetchnie, l’Ossétie, l’Abkhazie, la Vachkirie…” Explanation: that last “republic” doesn’t exist. Its name fits the rhythm of so many other new (trying) republics, but _la Vachkirie_ is actually _La vache qui rit_ (or _The Laughing Cow_, in English), which is a popular brand of cheese in France. I made up one, myself. While studying the finer points of French with other foreigners, we were asked to put on a skit in which we made up our own commercial for some sort of product. I came up with a campaign for bottled water, which would be called _Eau de la source Robinet_. To understand this, you would need to know that bottled water in France comes in bottles labeled, _Eau de la source Perrier_ or _Eau de la source Évian_ or _Eau de la source Volvic_ or what have you, where in the U.S., at least, we’ll just put _Perrier_ on the bottle and be done with it. _La source_ means _spring_ as in a spring where water comes from. _Eau de la source Perrier_, then, would mean _Water from the spring of Perrier_. One could then suppose that _Eau de la source Robinet_ would mean the same thing, but it doesn’t. See, Robinet is not a place, but another word for _tap_. If you drank _Eau de la source Robinet_, you’d be drinking nothing but tap water!