# Geeky Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552 "2006-03-08T16:44:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/1 "2006-03-08T16:44:21Z")
What does a Greek cow say? ::mouseover space:: m Which of Beethoven’s symphonies was about bottles of wine? His fifth. (All together now: "Bottle of wine. Bottle of wine. Bottle o’ wine, bottle o’ wine, bottle o’ wine. Bottle o ‘wine, bottle o’ wine, bottle o’ wine. Bottle of wine. Bottle of wine. Bottle of wine, wine, wine, wine. Bottle of wine!) ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/2 "2006-03-08T17:45:31Z")
_groan_ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/3 "2006-03-08T18:16:09Z")
What Cable does Aristophanes use? Bre-ke-ke-kex Coax! ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/4 "2006-03-08T18:35:20Z")
I don’t know where Heisenberg was going, but damn was he going fast! ---
**Author:** ![Yeeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/96bed5/32.png) [@Yeeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeeter)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/5 "2006-03-08T18:59:57Z")
there once was a boy who was so bright he traveled faster than the speed of light he took off one day in a relative way and returned on the previous night I heard this on the jetson’s ---
**Author:** ![exastris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b38774/32.png) [@exastris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/exastris)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/6 "2006-03-08T19:48:42Z")
Why was Heisenberg’s wife so unsatisfied? Because when he had the time, he didn’t have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn’t have the momentum. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/7 "2006-03-08T19:49:14Z")
Pythagoras died for your Sines. ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/8 "2006-03-08T20:14:03Z")
Famous geeks are playing hide and seek in heaven. Its Einsteins turn to seek, so he closes his eyes and counts till ten. When he opens them everyone’s run away and hidden, Newton however is still standing there like he was before, but with a chalk square drawn around him on the ground. Einstein says - Newton I got you, why didn’t you hide? Newton replies - no you haven’t, I am Newton over a meter squared, so you actually got Pascal! ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/9 "2006-03-09T00:53:30Z")
“What have you done to the cat? It looks half-dead.” - Mrs. Shroedinger. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/10 "2006-03-09T01:04:10Z")
The title of this thread, as it turns out, is the primary focus of my AP Physics class. Two atoms are walking down the road when one of them trips over his shoelace. (Yes, his shoelace. Atoms have gender, and shoes.) “Oh my God!” shouts the other atom, “Are you okay?” In a worried voice, the atom who fell replies, “Mostly, but I may have lost an electron.” “Oh no! Are you sure?” “I’m positive.” A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How much will this cost?” “For you,” says the bartender, “no charge.” Rene Descartes walks into a bar. “Would you like a drink?” the bartender asks. “I don’t think so,” he says, and promptly disappears. I \<3 these jokes: (requires flash) [http://www.spinnerdisc.com/jokeswitheinstein.html](http://www.spinnerdisc.com/jokeswitheinstein.html) ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/11 "2006-03-09T01:09:13Z")
> [@TJdude825](#): > > Rene Descartes walks into a bar. “Would you like a drink?” the bartender asks. “I don’t think so,” he says, and promptly disappears. I think you meant for him to say “I think not.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/12 "2006-03-09T01:33:38Z")
Why do computer programmers keep screwing up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31=Dec 25 What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. * * * Hear about the woman who married three different Microsoft employees and still died a virgin? Her first husband was in Training, and he kept teaching her how to do it herself. The second one was in Sales, and he kept telling her how good it was going to be in the next release. The third was in Tech Support, and he kept saying, “Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now…” ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/13 "2006-03-09T01:40:46Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > Why do computer programmers keep screwing up Halloween and Christmas? > > Because Oct 31=Dec 25 Obviously I’m not sufficiently geeky because I don’t understand this at all. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/14 "2006-03-09T01:54:48Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > Obviously I’m not sufficiently geeky because I don’t understand this at all. 31 in [base 8](http://www.ncsu.edu/felder-public/kenny/papers/bases.html) is the same as 25 in base 10. ---
**Author:** ![tofergregg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tofergregg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tofergregg)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/15 "2006-03-09T01:57:15Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > Obviously I’m not sufficiently geeky because I don’t understand this at all. Um, okay. Then let’s try this one: There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don’t. -Tofer ---
**Author:** ![tofergregg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tofergregg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tofergregg)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/16 "2006-03-09T02:00:03Z")
Here’s one (although it isn’t so much a joke as a brain teaser): Rearrange the following to form one word: NOR DO WE ONE WORD ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/17 "2006-03-09T02:02:09Z")
I trot this one out for every geeky jokes thread, and it’s always a crowd pleaser. Two functions are walking down the street when they see a differentiation operator coming towards them. “OH NO!” says the first, “I have to run! I’m just a constant function, and if he catches me I’m a goner!” “I’ve got nothing to worry about.” says the second, “I’m e[sup]x[/sup]. No differentiation operator can harm me.” So he walks up to the operator and says “I’m e[sup]x[/sup]. Do your worst!”. The differentation operator looks him straight in the eye and says “Hello e[sup]x[/sup]. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I’m d/dy.”. ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/18 "2006-03-09T02:11:05Z")
Sorry, don’t get it. Wouldn’t it still return e^x? ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/19 "2006-03-09T02:16:58Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? > > Make me one with everything. Vendor: That’ll be four dollars. [Buddhist hands over a five] Vendor: Thanks, buddy. Buddhist: Where’s my change? Vendor: Change comes from within. Cop: Do you have any idea how fast you were going? Heisenberg: No, but I know exactly where I was. ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/20 "2006-03-09T02:27:15Z")
> [@athelas](#): > > Sorry, don’t get it. Wouldn’t it still return e^x? Differentiation of a different variable. You treat any f(x) as a constant when d/dy 'ing. In other words, e^x does not change with y. d(e^x)/dy = 0 It’s not really that funny even if you get the math… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552.md?page=2)