# Geeky Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552 "2006-03-08T16:44:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/21 "2006-03-09T02:51:58Z")
> [@The Sausage Creature](#): > > 31 in [base 8](http://www.ncsu.edu/felder-public/kenny/papers/bases.html) is the same as 25 in base 10. I see. Do computer programmers still use octal? I thought hexadecimal was more common. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/22 "2006-03-09T03:53:29Z")
> [@interface2x](#): > > I think you meant for him to say “I think not.” 😃 Um, yeah. Or maybe “I don’t think–” and he disappears before he can finish the sentence. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/23 "2006-03-09T03:59:52Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > I see. > > Do computer programmers still use octal? I thought hexadecimal was more common. Yeah, they use it for jokes. Oh, you mean for programming? Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re right. > [@JustAnotherGeek](#): > > Differentiation of a different variable. You treat any f(x) as a constant when d/dy 'ing. > > In other words, e^x does not change with y. d(e^x)/dy = 0 > > It’s not really that funny even if you get the math… Except that you might assume that “y” was supposed to mean f(x) as in y=f(x)=e[sup]x[/sup], in which case d/dy (e[sup]x[/sup]) = d/dy (y) = 1… which still sort of works as a joke. I guess. What is lim[sub]x-\>0[/sub](sin x / n)? 6 (Just cancel the n’s) ---
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/24 "2006-03-09T04:03:47Z")
I have a really bad one: how do you calculate the angles of a polygon? It depends on how many saxons there are. Yeah, I made it up in high school… ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/25 "2006-03-09T07:13:10Z")
Here is the corollary to Sinjin’s posting about Heisenberg: **Cop** : Do you know how fast you were going? **Heisenberg** : Yes. 57.398567235873 miles per hour. But I’ve got _no_ idea where the Hell I am !! ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/26 "2006-03-09T08:33:02Z")
Regarding the descartes joke. I doesn’t work for me. If A =\> B, that doesn’t mean that (not A) =\> (not B) I guess the joke is bad for the layperson, good for the somewhat geeky, and then bad for the really geeky. ---
**Author:** ![Etherman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Etherman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Etherman)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/27 "2006-03-09T09:35:48Z")
> [@sinjin](#): > > Vendor: That’ll be four dollars. > [Buddhist hands over a five] > Vendor: Thanks, buddy. > Buddhist: Where’s my change? > Vendor: Change comes from within. Monk walks up to a hotdog vendor, vendor says “yeah buddy, what’ll ya have”, monk says “make me one with everything” ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/28 "2006-03-09T13:22:20Z")
Who is a pirate’s favourite scientist? ARR-henius! ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/29 "2006-03-09T13:27:26Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > I trot this one out for every geeky jokes thread, and it’s always a crowd pleaser. > > Two functions are walking down the street when they see a differentiation operator coming towards them. “OH NO!” says the first, “I have to run! I’m just a constant function, and if he catches me I’m a goner!” “I’ve got nothing to worry about.” says the second, “I’m e[sup]x[/sup]. No differentiation operator can harm me.” So he walks up to the operator and says “I’m e[sup]x[/sup]. Do your worst!”. The differentation operator looks him straight in the eye and says “Hello e[sup]x[/sup]. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I’m d/dy.”. The funny thing about this joke is that it’s exactly how I pictured calculus in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![SentientMeat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SentientMeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SentientMeat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/30 "2006-03-09T13:35:53Z")
A wavefunction walks into a bar, collapses, and says to the bartender … _What the fuck are you looking at?_ ---
**Author:** ![rockystone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e47c2d/32.png) [@rockystone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockystone)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/31 "2006-03-09T14:42:09Z")
Three scientists were sitting on a park bench. One was a Physicist, one was a Biologist, one was a Mathematician. As they idly watched a building across the street from them, they saw 2 people enter the building. A few minutes later they saw 3 people come out. “Ah,” said the Physicist, “The initial measurement must have been in error.” The Biologist said “They must be breeding in there.” The Mathematician said “If exactly one more person enters the building, it will be empty again.” ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/32 "2006-03-09T17:28:26Z")
It’s been done here before, but: what’s green and commutes? An abelian grape ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/33 "2006-03-09T17:46:54Z")
> [@Dead Cat](#): > > It’s been done here before, but: what’s green and commutes? You have just surpassed my geek-threshhold. Huh? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/34 "2006-03-09T17:52:25Z")
> [@TJdude825](#): > > A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How much will this cost?” “For you,” says the bartender, “no charge.” Along the same lines (and even geekier): Two electrons walk in to a bar. The first electron says “Bartender, I’ll have a martini.” and the second says “Dammit! I wanted a martini.” ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/35 "2006-03-09T18:00:56Z")
> [@JustAnotherGeek](#): > > It’s not really that funny even if you get the math… Aren’t they all that way, my friend. Aren’t they all. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/36 "2006-03-09T18:22:00Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s been done here before, but: what’s green and commutes? I’ve always heard this as “What’s _purple_ and commutes?” You must have tyhose damned seedless California grapes. **JustAnotherGeek** – Google “Abelian” and “group”. Heck, I’ll bet you can Google “Abelian Grape” and get the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/37 "2006-03-09T18:28:58Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > Along the same lines (and even geekier): > > Two electrons walk in to a bar. The first electron says “Bartender, I’ll have a martini.” and the second says “Dammit! I wanted a martini.” Is that a joke about the Pauli exclusion principle? ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/38 "2006-03-09T18:29:32Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > **JustAnotherGeek** – Google “Abelian” and “group”. Heck, I’ll bet you can Google “Abelian Grape” and get the answer. Surprisingly enough, the first Google hit for {abelian grape} is a Mathworld page. [http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=abelian+grape&btnG=Google+Search](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=abelian+grape&btnG=Google+Search) This one ranks right down there below the e^x joke. Best one I have is: What’s a mathematician’s pick up line? _Hey baby, let me integrate your curves!_ ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/39 "2006-03-09T18:29:59Z")
> [@iamthewalrus(:3=](#): > > Along the same lines (and even geekier): > > Two electrons walk in to a bar. The first electron says “Bartender, I’ll have a martini.” and the second says “Dammit! I wanted a martini.” I’m afraid I don’t get this one. Q: How do you know if a mathematician is extroverted? A: When he talks, he looks at _your_ shoes. Three statisticians go duck hunting. A duck flies up into the air, and the first statistician takes a shot at him. He misses by five feet to the right. The second statistician aims and fires, but he’s off by five feet to the left. The third statistician says “Hooray! We got him!” I heard both of those from Dr. John Allen Paulos. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552/40 "2006-03-09T18:44:23Z")
Descartes is drinking in a bar. Nearing closing time, the bartender asks him if wants another. Descartes says “I think not,” and disappears. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/geeky-jokes/347552.md?page=3)